Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Single Life Update

It has been a while...some things have changed and others have stayed pretty much the same...

I am almost done with the unpacking/repacking/organizing phase, but I really do hope to have my own place again very soon (even though that will mean partially starting that phase over again). Great as it is for my parents to take me in, I am finding it very hard to deal with not being on my own at the moment. I really need to have my own space...preferably in St. John's, where most of my friends are situated at present.

I'm still looking for a job. I've applied for a bunch but so far no feedback. It would be nice to be employed again. I'm trying not to get down over it, but it's hard not to sometimes.

I'm done with grieving for my failed relationship and have started dating again. It's fun and exciting in some ways, but it sucks in others. Let's face it, all those awkward first moments you have to contend with whenever you start seeing someone new are not exactly a pleasure to go through. And honestly, I really miss having someone to love and you can't love just anybody. Now that I'm dating again I tend to swing between just wanting to enjoy the moment and not get too attached to not wanting to waste time with anyone who I don't see becoming a long-term prospect. I'm finding I am also tending to over analyze my thoughts and feelings a lot more than usual and it is increasingly difficult to figure out just what I AM feeling a lot of the time. On the bright side, though, parts of me that have been buried for a long time are re-emerging and it's nice to experience them again. It's all a part of that weird, post-breakup head space I suppose. There are days when I'm just happy to be on my own with an opportunity for a fresh start and there are days when all I want to do is curl up and cry because I have to start over in so many ways which can be, at times, very frustrating and overwhelming. I really didn't think this is where I would be at almost 30. I thought I would be settled in my career and started on my own family by now and that doesn't seem to be anywhere in the cards in the foreseeable future and is kind of depressing to think about.

I'm bored a lot of the time. There isn't a lot to do around here (or, not a lot that I want to do at least) and I experience frequent bouts of cabin fever and going stir crazy. Hence, I usually take off on the weekends to try and retain my sanity.

Anyway, it's quite a process. I don't remember things being so complicated the last time I went through a major breakup...then again I was in my early twenties at that point so I guess they really weren't. I had loads of time and not much to worry about. I just really hope all of this will have been worth it in the end. I guess in some ways it already is...I'm attempting to move on and trying to find happiness instead of staying where I knew the potential for it had dwindled to the point of no return. That has to count for something, right? However, I do wish all those doors I thought I saw would start opening up already...