Thursday, September 29, 2011

Busy Bee

Work has been consuming me for the most part, and I have not been keeping up with the blog, amongst other things. I thought I would take a moment and do a quick update to remedy that a little...

So, first off, work: as previously stated, it's been quite busy. I am trying my best to stay afloat, but I am sometimes overcome with stress and anxiety and a feeling that no matter how hard I try and how many hours I put in, I can't seem to get ahead. I just hope I'm making some kind of progress and not spinning my wheels to no avail. In any event, it is nice to know where I am going each morning and have some (albeit temporary) stability in my professional life.

I never heard from the friend of a friend first or last after the last post. However, three other men from my past cropped up out of nowhere over the past couple of weeks: one asked me point blank if I wanted to get together and have sex (and if that wasn't bad enough, when I refused his offer, he accused me of being bitter over the way we ended and was a total pig to the point that I asked him not to ever contact me again), one claimed to miss me and want to spend time with me and asked if we can get together next time I'm in town (I was skeptical to begin with, and then I got the vibe that his intention was to try and get laid as well - he wasn't blatant or disrespectful at all, but I'm not into that and so I was rather unresponsive and vague), and the third professed to be head over heels for me (which I don't think is possible since I've never met him in person and he is in a relationship with someone else and that makes him off limits to me as far as I'm concerned...even though he doesn't see it that way). In addition to those three strike-outs, there is a new prospect on the scene. He is younger than me (26), but seems to be mature and sensible and is able to carry a good conversation. We shall see what happens.

My social life is pretty much non-existent, as I'm living with the parents during the week still, recently had bouts of bronchitis and laryngitis (which I still haven't fully recovered from), and have not been to town for a couple of weeks. I have no idea what is going to happen when my contract is up at the end of October...I've been keeping my apartment for now, but am unsure how long I can rationally continue to do that. I am quite looking forward to a time in the (hopefully not so distant) future when I will be somewhat settled and no longer living in limbo.

All in all, things are alright - it's good to be employed and I'm re-embracing singlehood for the time being :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

Crash and Burn

The friend of a friend and I fell into talking every day again. We got together last Monday and had a fabulous time. I drove to see him and spend the night this Friday. But something had changed. He wasn't the same. And it left me feeling empty. So Saturday night I gave him a spiel about how I couldn't handle seeing him when he was mourning someone else and how when he is whole again if he wants me he can come find me and we'll see where I'm at then. However, his response (which was basically to accept it and say he was still messed up but knew when the time is right it could happen with us and that he doesn't expect me to wait for him) was underwhelming and made me re-evaluate everything. I was hurt and I got angry. The anger was still there when I woke up this morning and this afternoon I decided to tell him exactly what I thought of the situation - that if he was in shock over what had happened with her, he was blind because there's no way it should have come as a shock. That if he truly meant what he had said about his feelings for me, I wouldn't have had to seek reassurance and that if he had truly wanted me then or now he would've fought for me. That I had been feeling so empty after going to see him that I debated leaving him a note and taking off in the middle of the night (which is totally out of character for me), that I felt stupid for believing him and allowing myself be vulnerable to him. He didn't say anything. His response was to delete me from his contact list. I cannot believe he would do something so immature. I texted him the rest of what I was going to say...which was basically that he obviously isn't my guy and that I have no one to blame but myself for getting so caught up when I knew the state he was in and I did it anyway. And so now the hurt is intensified and the emptiness is back full force. I don't know how to make this right for myself. And yet throughout the sick feeling I am experiencing, I still want to reach out to him and see if he's OK. I want to apologize for being harsh...even though all I did was speak my mind and he is the one who wasn't an adult about it. But I don't think contacting him again is wise right now. What to do....?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Sunday Morning Update my world, a lot has happened. In a nutshell, I met a really great guy who became totally smitten with me but who also was only here for a limited time and is now headed back to Nova Scotia until December, most likely.  He made reference a few times to me coming to Nova Scotia before then for a visit and how it would be awesome if we are both single when he gets back and if that's the case he'd love to get together again.

I am back in contact with the friend of a friend again. His ex girlfriend is not coming after all and they are not going to try again. I have mixed feelings about this. I was just starting to feel alive again and move past it when all of this came about. The feelings are still there and I want to take the opportunity and explore the connection the way we couldn't before, but I am also somewhat hesitant and perhaps a little resentful of the way everything unfolded. I'm being cautious and trying to keep a guard on my heart for now. We have to get together and talk about some things and I guess we'll see what happens from there.

AND in other news: I finally have a job!!!!! :D's only a two month replacement, but it's a start! It's unfamiliar territory, as well, in a lot of it's scary, stressful and exciting all at once. Fingers crossed I will survive and thrive and it will lead to bigger and better adventures and other employment opportunities...

Saturday, September 3, 2011

What Are We Teaching Our Little Girls????

A couple of things jumped out at me this week online...I found them quite disturbing for a multitude of reasons and could probably type for days on the matter but instead find myself quite speechless at the moment. This is just outrageous and unacceptable in today's society...or any society, for that matter! As a female who has always relied on her intelligence and has always travelled in circles of other females who do the same, I am just floored. Appalled, disgusted, shocked, you name it. Wow. WHY would anyone want to propagate these negative, moronic messages? Don't girls have enough crap to face growing up as it is???

First, there was the JCPenney issue, which Emma Waverman writes about here (I spotted it on my MSN homepage a few days ago and had to have a peek), and then I noticed a friend of mine had posted this on facebook, which notified me of the Toddlers and Tiaras issue. I'm just thankful I'm not the only one who is upset about this...