Warm fuzzies are radiating from my every pore. I am very thankful and very cognizant of the fact that I am an extremely lucky girl. I have a wonderful family and some pretty amazing friends. Add to that that I got a call for work tomorrow, spent lots of time with some of my favourite people this weekend, journalled for the first time in ages today, and have taken the time to really acknowledge and rediscover my passion for acting and love of singing and you can begin to see why I would be so suffused with calm happiness and contented gratitude tonight. My soul is delighted and I just want to spread the sunshine to every corner I can reach. It may, perhaps, sound nauseatingly sweet and over-the-top optimistic, but I swear it is genuine and it is true. Such a great feeling to be so full of love and light and positivity! I MUST be on the right path!
On a couple of unrelated (hmm or maybe somehow connected?) notes, I am starting to get excited about my upcoming trip to New York, and I think I may be developing a bit of a crush.
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Score!
The play I auditioned for? I got offered the lead female role. The choir audition I went to tonight? Success. Very much. And I am now their newest member. I also worked yesterday and today. Yep, all in all it's good to be me right now. So much so that I can grin and bear the burning discomfort I am experiencing right now due to an allergic reaction to a new facial moisturizer I decided to try (which had rave reviews online...but apparently not everyone needs to live in a bubble like me).
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Good Vibes
It started off on the wrong foot, this day. Yet I managed to wrestle it back to the light. I woke at 7:30 and stayed awake til 9, waiting for the phone to ring. With each minute that passed I sunk further into depression, until I finally said the hell with it and buried myself under the covers and slept til 11ish. At that point, I forced myself to unwind from my self-made cocoon and set about trying to drum up some work. Then Karma stepped in.
I checked facebook and a note appeared on my wall before my eyes. It was from my mother, and directed me to a place to try bringing my resume. So I did. And attempted to go to another place as well...I got lost, and when I finally made it there it was to be told there was a meeting in progress. I waited 45 minutes and my patience was rewarded. I got to meet face to face with a lady who said she normally doesn't do that...but when she was told how long I had been there she thought it was the least she could do. I should probably mention that en route to my second stop, I also received a call for an interview that I was not expecting...in fact, I had enquired about this interview and was told I was not eligible to be interviewed until next year. Yet the lady who called me said she was given my name and number and that if I was interested I could come in on the 27th. I, of course, accepted...confused as I was.
Later this evening, I decided to go to an audition. I was kind of nervous and wasn't really sure what to expect. I walked in, filled out my information sheet, and grabbed the 5 sides for female characters laying on the table outside the audition room. With papers in hand, I took my turn and started doing the cold reads. I was told after completing the first 2 that I could stop. They did not need to hear any more. I was a little uncertain, but then I started to pay attention: their reactions were incredible - they loved me! I was thrilled with their applause and their assurances that I would definitely be hearing from them. In fact, I called my mother the second I was outside the building, shaking with excitement. I cannot believe I may FINALLY have a chance to get back on stage. My heart sang and my cheeks hurt from the perma-grin on my face.
To top it all off, I also got a response from a local choir I had been trying to get in contact with for a while now and the director is interested in meeting me and having me sing for her. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My soul has been needing this so much.
Needless to say, when the cashier at the gas station asked if I needed a lotto ticket for tonight, I went ahead and bought my first one ever.
And Day 10 of January Quit 2 has been successfully conquered. Popcorn, brownies, and pink lemonade to celebrate? I do believe so :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Happy Turkey Day
Tis the season to count blessings, so here are a few of my gratitude inducers:
A wonderful family and great friends, all - thankfully - mostly healthy
The job I have until the end of the month
Having all my basic needs met and many wants besides
My own health being intact and still possessing all my senses and limbs and being able to use them
Having had the opportunity to earn two university degrees
Being aware of, and having the ability to appreciate, the wonders and beauty that surround me in everyday life
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope it is most enjoyable for you and yours, wherever you may be :).
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Unexpected Acts of Kindness
I went on a hike today with a couple of girlfriends. We chilled on the beach and frolicked in the ocean for a bit and took our time enjoying being amongst the trees on the trail on the way back. It was great. We saw a bald eagle and another creature we couldn't quite decide on...the consensus seemed to be either a seal or a sea lion or something. Upon our return to the car, I happened to notice an RCMP vehicle parked next to us...we speculated as to the cause, but none of us had any inkling of the actual reason...
As we approached, the officer (who was uber cute I might add) greeted us and asked for one of us specifically by name. It turns out she had lost her wallet at some point that day (completely unbeknownst to any of us) and a good samaritan had turned it in to the policeman. He, in turn, had driven down to the trail head and ran my other friend's license plate through the system when he saw her parked car. He came to the conclusion that since they have the same last name (they're sisters), perhaps we had come back to look for the wallet and so he waited for us.
Nothing was missing and, in fact, he even produced and returned the Pringles snack pack she had been missing on the hike and assumed she had left in the car. Life sure is strange and wonderful sometimes :)
As we approached, the officer (who was uber cute I might add) greeted us and asked for one of us specifically by name. It turns out she had lost her wallet at some point that day (completely unbeknownst to any of us) and a good samaritan had turned it in to the policeman. He, in turn, had driven down to the trail head and ran my other friend's license plate through the system when he saw her parked car. He came to the conclusion that since they have the same last name (they're sisters), perhaps we had come back to look for the wallet and so he waited for us.
Nothing was missing and, in fact, he even produced and returned the Pringles snack pack she had been missing on the hike and assumed she had left in the car. Life sure is strange and wonderful sometimes :)
Friday, August 12, 2011
Whirlwind
The past two weeks have flown by. So much has happened and I have barely had any time to think...At the crux of this time and need for processing is the fact that I have met someone...the new new guy...the old new guy sort of disappeared without a trace or an explanation. He went on vacation to his family home with the message that he would be in contact and was looking forward to getting together with me again when he got back. And that was the last I heard of him. It's been about 2 weeks.
2 weeks ago today I went to a get together my cousin and her husband were having (they were home on vacation as well). Her brother in law was there and the attraction was instantaneous and mutual...which neither of us realized until the next day when my cousin spoke to him and later gave me his number to contact him (apparently he was kicking himself for not approaching me and didn't believe her when she said I had felt the same).
To make a long story short, we got in contact and haven't stopped talking since. We've gone on a number of dates and spent some incredible time together. We get each other. There is something insanely powerful between us and we both feel as if we've known each other for years. I could go on and on, but you get the point. It's amazing.
There is, however, a problem (of course). He moved back to the island in May with the promise to his then girlfriend of 7 years that she could take her time and decide whether or not to move here with him. She changed her mind one way and the other a few times and so he told her that in the interim perhaps they should just behave as if they were both single.
...and then he met me. He was upfront and honest with me from the get-go and neither of us expected this connection or these feelings. It's hard. We have both talked about waiting until he knows what's what vs enjoying each other while we can. My pride is hurting. He is torn. It's a mess. I have no idea what is going to happen or when I will know. I am kicking myself for being in this situation. But I wonder if I would kick myself more if I said goodbye. He has contacted her and told her that she needs to decide what she's doing because he needs to move on with his life either way, but he feels that he owes it to her to try if she wants to after so much time together. I cannot justify spending time with someone and growing feelings for each other when everything hinges on what a third party decides. He isn't choosing me right now...which makes me a very stupid girl for sticking around. But this feels like it may be a once in a lifetime thing. How do I walk away from that before I have to? And how can he stay on a string for someone else when he feels the same? My cousin is convinced he is in love with us both. I am inclined to agree, although the words have not been spoken...and I could very easily let myself go and fall in love with him as well but I am holding back in a futile attempt to protect myself while still enjoying his company. The feelings are there but I hesitate to acknowledge or label them. So for now it's a day at a time until I figure out what I need to say and do to reconcile everything for myself and be OK. In the meantime, who knows what her decision will be or when she will deliver it? Sigh...the universe certainly works in strange, mysterious and frustrating ways sometimes...
There is one thing I do know...everything for a reason. If he isn't my happily ever after (and I don't see how he could be given the situation, although it certainly feels like it has the potential to go that way) then it only means we were meant to learn something from each other and there is something better waiting for us both down the road. I am thankful for the time we have spent together and for being given this opportunity to get to know each other. I have no regrets so far and neither does he. I hope it stays that way.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Respites In Lieu of Remedies
So I feel like all I've done lately (on here especially) is whine and complain. This is my attempt to remedy that a little... I went for a walk in Bowring Park today. I did part of the South Brook trail and the loop between the duck ponds a couple of times as well. It took everything I had to get through the door, but I'm so glad I went. My only regret is that I didn't think to bring my camera (so I may cheat and post an old pic of the park if I can find one on my external drive later). It was glorious. The wind in my hair and the sun on my face, the babbling brooks and shade speckled forest floor, the birds flitting here and there, the bright blue sky and fluffy white clouds, the beautiful tulips....I really did my best to drink it all in and appreciate every aspect of the incredible gift of nature. I reminded myself that I am lucky and blessed just to be able to go for a walk, by myself, in that kind of setting. I smiled at everyone I passed...at first I faked it, but by the end I think they were actually genuine. I suppose that's something. And now, after returning home and making an omelette for lunch, I am thankful to find that my spirits have been buoyed for the time being. I feel...not happy and carefree and not as if things have meaning again and I have a purpose...but OK. Calm. Grateful for the little things. The flu that has been preventing me from being active and getting exercise seems to be getting better and so that should help. Nothing like breaking a sweat to help keep stress and anxiety in check. Anyway...time to go attempt some productivity and hopefully tonight get out and do something social or at least take in a movie with a friend...we shall see...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Unexpected Information
Something a little bizarre happened to me over the weekend...my ex's ex (who I do not know) contacted me on facebook. This would be the ex I left in BC and his ex would be the woman I thought he had married (apparently they were never married and it was a bit of a hoax/trial period thing that had been her idea...which I think is a little strange, but whatever).
Anyway, for some reason this woman felt the need to regale me with the details of their relationship and all her complaints about him...it really means nothing to me, but it was interesting to hear someone else's take on him nonetheless. What did piss me off a bit, though, was that he has apparently been telling people he is broke because he paid for my university and that he broke up with me because I wanted more commitment and he wouldn't give it. Um...yeah...about that...total BS....x1000. I did feel the need to set her straight there, although she said she was inclined to believe it was all the other way around with the way he had behaved with her and she totally understood why I had moved across the country...
I was also a little shocked about his behaviour - apparently he fought with her in front of her son - which is totally not cool - and took pot shots at her weight and her business when they broke up, among other things. Wow. It all made me even more glad I'm totally distanced from it all and that I handled myself with dignity and class throughout that break up, no matter what he has chosen to do or say. I mean, I'm not a saint by any means, but I think I conducted myself well, considering, and I didn't exactly go blabbing about all the skeletons I found in his closet or anything like that.
I think I should mention here for fairness sake that I don't by any means take this woman's words to be the gospel (after all, I don't know her at all and can't vouch for her character)...I'm sure the truth lies somewhere between her version and his version - which I really don't care to get - and that he does have his good points (obviously, or neither of us would have given him a chance).
I was a little concerned that perhaps our mutual friends had been fed BS as well (I've avoided talking to them about anything concerning him or us), but one of those friends put my mind at ease when I mentioned that I'd heard from his ex and she had told me some untruths he had said about me/our relationship. She (the mutual friend) informed me that my ex has actually separated from all but one of our mutual friends for the most part, and that people are getting fed up with him and his victim mentality.
So I guess my silence didn't really have an effect either way...it just allowed him to show himself for what he was without me saying a word. Much more effective. I just hope the one friend he still has regular contact with isn't being taken advantage of...but that's not my business either. She's a grown woman and if that is the case she needs to figure it out and put a stop to it herself without warnings or interference from me.
And even more strange...I was right when I thought I may have taught this woman's son (the ex's ex). She told me she had met me when I was subbing in his class last year (I'd been in there for a couple of weeks). Strange coincidence to wrap my head around, indeed.
Yep, the universe works in mysterious ways. This woman answered questions for me that I had long since given up on having answered without my even asking...and she further confirmed that I never knew him, despite the close to 6 years we spent together and that I had been even more naive and gullible than I had previously come to realize. Scary thoughts. But, again - here's to learning and growing...and good riddance to bad rubbish! I don't wish the man harm (in fact I hope he smartens up and does alright for himself and finds happiness), but I am so, so, so thankful he is no longer a part of my life. A very big thank you to all the forces that pulled me out of that situation, for sure!
Anyway, for some reason this woman felt the need to regale me with the details of their relationship and all her complaints about him...it really means nothing to me, but it was interesting to hear someone else's take on him nonetheless. What did piss me off a bit, though, was that he has apparently been telling people he is broke because he paid for my university and that he broke up with me because I wanted more commitment and he wouldn't give it. Um...yeah...about that...total BS....x1000. I did feel the need to set her straight there, although she said she was inclined to believe it was all the other way around with the way he had behaved with her and she totally understood why I had moved across the country...
I was also a little shocked about his behaviour - apparently he fought with her in front of her son - which is totally not cool - and took pot shots at her weight and her business when they broke up, among other things. Wow. It all made me even more glad I'm totally distanced from it all and that I handled myself with dignity and class throughout that break up, no matter what he has chosen to do or say. I mean, I'm not a saint by any means, but I think I conducted myself well, considering, and I didn't exactly go blabbing about all the skeletons I found in his closet or anything like that.
I think I should mention here for fairness sake that I don't by any means take this woman's words to be the gospel (after all, I don't know her at all and can't vouch for her character)...I'm sure the truth lies somewhere between her version and his version - which I really don't care to get - and that he does have his good points (obviously, or neither of us would have given him a chance).
I was a little concerned that perhaps our mutual friends had been fed BS as well (I've avoided talking to them about anything concerning him or us), but one of those friends put my mind at ease when I mentioned that I'd heard from his ex and she had told me some untruths he had said about me/our relationship. She (the mutual friend) informed me that my ex has actually separated from all but one of our mutual friends for the most part, and that people are getting fed up with him and his victim mentality.
So I guess my silence didn't really have an effect either way...it just allowed him to show himself for what he was without me saying a word. Much more effective. I just hope the one friend he still has regular contact with isn't being taken advantage of...but that's not my business either. She's a grown woman and if that is the case she needs to figure it out and put a stop to it herself without warnings or interference from me.
And even more strange...I was right when I thought I may have taught this woman's son (the ex's ex). She told me she had met me when I was subbing in his class last year (I'd been in there for a couple of weeks). Strange coincidence to wrap my head around, indeed.
Yep, the universe works in mysterious ways. This woman answered questions for me that I had long since given up on having answered without my even asking...and she further confirmed that I never knew him, despite the close to 6 years we spent together and that I had been even more naive and gullible than I had previously come to realize. Scary thoughts. But, again - here's to learning and growing...and good riddance to bad rubbish! I don't wish the man harm (in fact I hope he smartens up and does alright for himself and finds happiness), but I am so, so, so thankful he is no longer a part of my life. A very big thank you to all the forces that pulled me out of that situation, for sure!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Unexpected Insights
Sometimes the universe throws you messages in bottles just when you need them...or, you know...you notice something with no real significance that strikes a chord and so feel the need to attach some meaning to them...whatever works. I have had a few such instances in the past few weeks and thought I'd share a couple of words of wisdom that the universe saw fit to put in my path...
From the tag of a Yogi Tea teabag: "Know your own worth and act with wisdom" - yep, I hear ya Yogi Tea...loud and clear!!! It's been a long journey, but I think I'm getting there. Thank you for the reminder. Much appreciated.
From an episode of Family Guy (Lois speaking to Meg about her sister Carol): "She has such low self-esteem that every time a man shows her the slightest glimmer of attention she rushes into something serious and gets her heart broken like a teenage girl." - Uh huh, uh huh...I hear ya Lois! That pretty much sums up my first two relationships! Let's hope the confidence and self-esteem stays where it should and I don't suffer from that particular affliction again! Thank you for the reminder. Much appreciated.
And finally, a little bit of a story for you...
I sat with a gay guy outside of Dusk for a bit over the weekend. As I smoked my cigarette, he was texting and ranting about a guy he was supposed to be meeting who said he was outside of Dusk and who neither of us saw hide nor hair of..."What does he look like?" I asked. "I don't know," he replied. "Have you ever met him before?" I asked. "Uh uh," he replied, "but I hope he shows up soon - I'm freezing my ass off here! I hate when guys stand me up. What a douche!" ...oh yes, Mr. Gay Guy (who's name I never got and wish I had) - I HEAR YOU. LOUD AND CLEAR. So comforting somehow to know that even gay guys have to contend with guys being jerks. Thank you for venting to me and giving me a feeling of solidarity. Much appreciated.
From the tag of a Yogi Tea teabag: "Know your own worth and act with wisdom" - yep, I hear ya Yogi Tea...loud and clear!!! It's been a long journey, but I think I'm getting there. Thank you for the reminder. Much appreciated.
From an episode of Family Guy (Lois speaking to Meg about her sister Carol): "She has such low self-esteem that every time a man shows her the slightest glimmer of attention she rushes into something serious and gets her heart broken like a teenage girl." - Uh huh, uh huh...I hear ya Lois! That pretty much sums up my first two relationships! Let's hope the confidence and self-esteem stays where it should and I don't suffer from that particular affliction again! Thank you for the reminder. Much appreciated.
And finally, a little bit of a story for you...
I sat with a gay guy outside of Dusk for a bit over the weekend. As I smoked my cigarette, he was texting and ranting about a guy he was supposed to be meeting who said he was outside of Dusk and who neither of us saw hide nor hair of..."What does he look like?" I asked. "I don't know," he replied. "Have you ever met him before?" I asked. "Uh uh," he replied, "but I hope he shows up soon - I'm freezing my ass off here! I hate when guys stand me up. What a douche!" ...oh yes, Mr. Gay Guy (who's name I never got and wish I had) - I HEAR YOU. LOUD AND CLEAR. So comforting somehow to know that even gay guys have to contend with guys being jerks. Thank you for venting to me and giving me a feeling of solidarity. Much appreciated.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Unexpected Gifts
It really is the little things that make everything all better...
I went to bed last night hating the fact that I was missing he who has been dubbed the cheating bastard, even though I know he's not worth it. This morning, a friend sent me an incredibly beautiful and inspirational message in response to that news to remind me not to dwell on things...to accept them for what they are and find something within them to be thankful for anyway. He made me smile and lifted my spirits.
After lunch, a 7 year old non-verbal autistic boy I worked with for a half an hour about a month ago while subbing (and who doesn't usually take to anyone, I'm told) saw me walking into his school. He took my hand, kissed it, put his arms around me, pulled me down and kissed my cheek. It was precious...and it made my day.
A little boy in the class I was subbing in today who excitedly informed me that The Bachelor is choosing someone soon. I was a little taken aback and asked him if he watched the show (I don't). He informed me that his mom does and he had heard her mention it. Something about that struck me as incredibly amusing.
I held those moments in my mind and drove home smiling. The tiniest moments make the biggest and best gifts when we remember to appreciate and be thankful for them...
I went to bed last night hating the fact that I was missing he who has been dubbed the cheating bastard, even though I know he's not worth it. This morning, a friend sent me an incredibly beautiful and inspirational message in response to that news to remind me not to dwell on things...to accept them for what they are and find something within them to be thankful for anyway. He made me smile and lifted my spirits.
After lunch, a 7 year old non-verbal autistic boy I worked with for a half an hour about a month ago while subbing (and who doesn't usually take to anyone, I'm told) saw me walking into his school. He took my hand, kissed it, put his arms around me, pulled me down and kissed my cheek. It was precious...and it made my day.
A little boy in the class I was subbing in today who excitedly informed me that The Bachelor is choosing someone soon. I was a little taken aback and asked him if he watched the show (I don't). He informed me that his mom does and he had heard her mention it. Something about that struck me as incredibly amusing.
I held those moments in my mind and drove home smiling. The tiniest moments make the biggest and best gifts when we remember to appreciate and be thankful for them...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Easy Come, Easy Go
The good guy did, indeed, get spooked. We met for coffee and he fed me a line about not really having time for anyone right now and wanting to let me know that I can go ahead and explore my other options instead of waiting for something from him that may not be coming. Oh boy. Where to start? First off, while that may be plausible, he was making all kinds of time to try and see me so I know I scared him and that's what spurred this. Secondly, he did go about it in a very mature, considerate, and admirable way and I respect and appreciate that. And thirdly, whoeverl said I was going to stop being open to meeting other people while waiting around for something from him? I think I've already learned my lesson there tenfold!
I'm also glad to report that my resiliency has apparently been heightened much more than I realized...I'm pretty much over the whole thing with the cheater already. I let myself have a little cry about it over the weekend, but that was it. There was a time when I would have been crushed over this forevermore. It's so good to know that I'm getting a little smarter and a little stronger every day. Granted, there are still aspects of the whole situation that I wonder about but I know that all I'm really required to understand is that he is a deceitful jerk. I wasn't the first, I won't be the last, and I can't look out for his girlfriend. I did my part by giving her the information. What she decided to do with it is her concern. He doesn't get to play me anymore, and that is what matters. I did decide to send him one very concise message and say what I needed to say to him, though. There were no questions or accusations and I didn't call him names or rant about how angry I was or how much he'd hurt me or anything of that sort - what would be the point? He doesn't care about any of that, anyway, and I'm not about being immature, wasting energy, or giving him power over me. But I found a way to get myself some closure by speaking to him on a level that he will hear and understand.
In the meantime, it also didn't take long for new prospects to pop up and take the place of those now stricken from my list of potential dates. It's amusing, really, when you look at it. I got an email out of the blue from a guy I haven't heard from in weeks, inviting me to dinner this past weekend...or was it the weekend before? Have I mentioned this already? Anyway, I declined...but I'm wondering what I have to lose by actually taking him up on it. You never know, right? I also got a facebook message from another guy I haven't heard from in forever...his story is a little different though. We had been chatting for a bit but hadn't actually met when he got himself a girlfriend...they broke up recently and now I'm looking like a good candidate for a rebound, I suppose. After all, we've already been in contact so that lessens the work required, right? There is also a new 26 year old (seems to be a popular age these days) who contacted me on the dating site (well, there have been others as well, but he is in the lead so far by way of being able to compose actual sentences complete with proper spelling and punctuation. The grammar I can forgive somewhat, as I take liberties with it myself from time to time). It's nice that he seems very forthcoming with information about himself so far, but at the same time, his messages are all about offering detailed information I haven't requested and not really asking much about me. Hmm...
On another note, yesterday I felt a euphoria I haven't experienced in some time and it was awesome. The littlest things sometimes make all the difference to a day, I have to say. This was initiated first by running into my best friend unexpectedly after a brutally exhausting day teaching a particularly demanding primary class. I then came home, checked my phone, and got voicemail from an assistant principal who was looking to book me for Thursday and Friday. And in those moments, I was just so incredibly happy and thankful. The sun was shining and I got in my car and drove across town with the biggest beaming smile on my face, revelling in the freedom and lightness I was experiencing inside...and it wasn't only work, money, and friendship related.
At the risk of rambling and coming across as a total crackpot, I will attempt to describe and explain:
I started reflecting on recent events and it seemed to me that the universe has, indeed, decided to start aligning things in my path. A friend of mine has been telling me for months that I am going places and I actually do feel that in my soul and in my bones from time to time. Yesterday it was strong...it felt as though the things I want are getting closer to my reach. That I am on the right path. That I have been making the right choices and have finally solidified myself, in a sense. I know who I am and I embrace it...all of me, not just pieces. In fact, I love me and I'm very proud of me. I am more myself than I have ever been and that has taken a lifetime to accomplish. I cannot begin to tell you how far I've come from being the shy, nervous, scared, insecure girl with zero confidence that I was...gullible, naive, unable to look in the mirror, afraid to stand up for herself...to the woman I am today. It's been quite a transformation and it was a very long and bumpy road, but it is SO GOOD to finally be here with so much more strength and awareness and self-worth. I actually felt yesterday that I was being rewarded for finally being true to myself...for opening, seeing, appreciating, learning, growing, and taking action in my life in so many ways after being somehow stagnant for what felt like an eternity. For being able to take a hit, deal with it quickly and effectively in a way that I'm satisfied with, and let go. For doing the right thing. And I have to admit, it also felt damned liberating and uplifting - refreshing! - to realize that I wasn't stewing or pining or even really genuinely INTERESTED in any man right now. Yep...I'm definitely getting there!
I'm also glad to report that my resiliency has apparently been heightened much more than I realized...I'm pretty much over the whole thing with the cheater already. I let myself have a little cry about it over the weekend, but that was it. There was a time when I would have been crushed over this forevermore. It's so good to know that I'm getting a little smarter and a little stronger every day. Granted, there are still aspects of the whole situation that I wonder about but I know that all I'm really required to understand is that he is a deceitful jerk. I wasn't the first, I won't be the last, and I can't look out for his girlfriend. I did my part by giving her the information. What she decided to do with it is her concern. He doesn't get to play me anymore, and that is what matters. I did decide to send him one very concise message and say what I needed to say to him, though. There were no questions or accusations and I didn't call him names or rant about how angry I was or how much he'd hurt me or anything of that sort - what would be the point? He doesn't care about any of that, anyway, and I'm not about being immature, wasting energy, or giving him power over me. But I found a way to get myself some closure by speaking to him on a level that he will hear and understand.
In the meantime, it also didn't take long for new prospects to pop up and take the place of those now stricken from my list of potential dates. It's amusing, really, when you look at it. I got an email out of the blue from a guy I haven't heard from in weeks, inviting me to dinner this past weekend...or was it the weekend before? Have I mentioned this already? Anyway, I declined...but I'm wondering what I have to lose by actually taking him up on it. You never know, right? I also got a facebook message from another guy I haven't heard from in forever...his story is a little different though. We had been chatting for a bit but hadn't actually met when he got himself a girlfriend...they broke up recently and now I'm looking like a good candidate for a rebound, I suppose. After all, we've already been in contact so that lessens the work required, right? There is also a new 26 year old (seems to be a popular age these days) who contacted me on the dating site (well, there have been others as well, but he is in the lead so far by way of being able to compose actual sentences complete with proper spelling and punctuation. The grammar I can forgive somewhat, as I take liberties with it myself from time to time). It's nice that he seems very forthcoming with information about himself so far, but at the same time, his messages are all about offering detailed information I haven't requested and not really asking much about me. Hmm...
On another note, yesterday I felt a euphoria I haven't experienced in some time and it was awesome. The littlest things sometimes make all the difference to a day, I have to say. This was initiated first by running into my best friend unexpectedly after a brutally exhausting day teaching a particularly demanding primary class. I then came home, checked my phone, and got voicemail from an assistant principal who was looking to book me for Thursday and Friday. And in those moments, I was just so incredibly happy and thankful. The sun was shining and I got in my car and drove across town with the biggest beaming smile on my face, revelling in the freedom and lightness I was experiencing inside...and it wasn't only work, money, and friendship related.
At the risk of rambling and coming across as a total crackpot, I will attempt to describe and explain:
I started reflecting on recent events and it seemed to me that the universe has, indeed, decided to start aligning things in my path. A friend of mine has been telling me for months that I am going places and I actually do feel that in my soul and in my bones from time to time. Yesterday it was strong...it felt as though the things I want are getting closer to my reach. That I am on the right path. That I have been making the right choices and have finally solidified myself, in a sense. I know who I am and I embrace it...all of me, not just pieces. In fact, I love me and I'm very proud of me. I am more myself than I have ever been and that has taken a lifetime to accomplish. I cannot begin to tell you how far I've come from being the shy, nervous, scared, insecure girl with zero confidence that I was...gullible, naive, unable to look in the mirror, afraid to stand up for herself...to the woman I am today. It's been quite a transformation and it was a very long and bumpy road, but it is SO GOOD to finally be here with so much more strength and awareness and self-worth. I actually felt yesterday that I was being rewarded for finally being true to myself...for opening, seeing, appreciating, learning, growing, and taking action in my life in so many ways after being somehow stagnant for what felt like an eternity. For being able to take a hit, deal with it quickly and effectively in a way that I'm satisfied with, and let go. For doing the right thing. And I have to admit, it also felt damned liberating and uplifting - refreshing! - to realize that I wasn't stewing or pining or even really genuinely INTERESTED in any man right now. Yep...I'm definitely getting there!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Brighter Days Ahead
I worked this morning. Yay! I am also working tomorrow morning. Total cause for celebration :-). It's funny how we get different perspectives on these things according to our circumstances. I can remember being overworked and wishing for time to relax in the not so distant past..and now I can see that I was actually more fortunate than I realized at the time. It's easy to take things for granted and complain about them when you haven't experienced their flip side.
Anyway, I am still waiting for my paperwork to go through to give NCSD a shot, but in the meantime I'm just very happy to be feeling useful and making money. It appears I have suddenly become visible and people are going out of their way to help me get ahead..which is much appreciated. So, again, putting it out there to the universe in gratitude and hopefulness that this trend will continue...
Anyway, I am still waiting for my paperwork to go through to give NCSD a shot, but in the meantime I'm just very happy to be feeling useful and making money. It appears I have suddenly become visible and people are going out of their way to help me get ahead..which is much appreciated. So, again, putting it out there to the universe in gratitude and hopefulness that this trend will continue...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Lucky Day
It may be silly, but I just felt the need to put this out to the universe and say thank you...
In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron writes about synchronicity - which she explains as things that randomly pop up in our lives when we are thinking about them. I had two such instances today...The first occurred when I was shopping with my mother and found facial moisturizers I'm running out of and have been contemplating ordering online, although they are somewhat pricey and I couldn't really justify buying them at the moment. Lo and behold, when I walked into Winner's, there they were on the shelf (I've never seen them in Newfoundland) for almost half the price I am used to paying for them. A very little thing, but I was thankful and happy nonetheless.
The second instance was when I (stupidly) locked myself out of my apartment this evening. I was thinking of the extra key my landlady gave me and wishing she was home so that I could see if there was another key floating around (I never thought I would be so lucky, but it doesn't hurt to check). It so happened that she was away, but her daughter was home so I went upstairs to look up a locksmith. Shortly after I called him (and was told it would cost me $60), she pulled into the driveway. I explained what had happened and she went over to her friend's house to see if they might have an extra key (they live on the same street and were taking care of the house for her after she bought it and before she moved in). Her friend was also out, but her husband handed us a ring of keys and said that one of them might be for the apartment, he wasn't sure. We walked back over to my place and, as luck might have it, the first one she tried got me in. I said a little prayer of gratitude for whoever/whatever was looking out for me and called the locksmith as soon as I got in. Unfortunately, he had arrived in the driveway by that time and was none to happy about it. I was sincerely apologetic, but he hung up on me anyway.
I suppose while I'm at it, there is a third thing that recently struck me as strange...one day last week, an old professor of mine from my MUN days popped into my head - I can't remember why. Oddly enough, on Friday night's performance of Messiah, I looked over to my left at the audience at one point and guess who was sitting there in the second row? I'm wondering if there is some significance to that and if perhaps he (or what he represents) is somehow a part of the answer to the puzzle of my life I've been trying to put together in terms of my career path and getting employed again. It's something to think about, anyway...
Although there are often weird coincidences that mean nothing on the surface, as one friend said to me a while back, "The signs of life are always there for us if we remember to look for them." It really makes you wonder sometimes...
In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron writes about synchronicity - which she explains as things that randomly pop up in our lives when we are thinking about them. I had two such instances today...The first occurred when I was shopping with my mother and found facial moisturizers I'm running out of and have been contemplating ordering online, although they are somewhat pricey and I couldn't really justify buying them at the moment. Lo and behold, when I walked into Winner's, there they were on the shelf (I've never seen them in Newfoundland) for almost half the price I am used to paying for them. A very little thing, but I was thankful and happy nonetheless.
The second instance was when I (stupidly) locked myself out of my apartment this evening. I was thinking of the extra key my landlady gave me and wishing she was home so that I could see if there was another key floating around (I never thought I would be so lucky, but it doesn't hurt to check). It so happened that she was away, but her daughter was home so I went upstairs to look up a locksmith. Shortly after I called him (and was told it would cost me $60), she pulled into the driveway. I explained what had happened and she went over to her friend's house to see if they might have an extra key (they live on the same street and were taking care of the house for her after she bought it and before she moved in). Her friend was also out, but her husband handed us a ring of keys and said that one of them might be for the apartment, he wasn't sure. We walked back over to my place and, as luck might have it, the first one she tried got me in. I said a little prayer of gratitude for whoever/whatever was looking out for me and called the locksmith as soon as I got in. Unfortunately, he had arrived in the driveway by that time and was none to happy about it. I was sincerely apologetic, but he hung up on me anyway.
I suppose while I'm at it, there is a third thing that recently struck me as strange...one day last week, an old professor of mine from my MUN days popped into my head - I can't remember why. Oddly enough, on Friday night's performance of Messiah, I looked over to my left at the audience at one point and guess who was sitting there in the second row? I'm wondering if there is some significance to that and if perhaps he (or what he represents) is somehow a part of the answer to the puzzle of my life I've been trying to put together in terms of my career path and getting employed again. It's something to think about, anyway...
Although there are often weird coincidences that mean nothing on the surface, as one friend said to me a while back, "The signs of life are always there for us if we remember to look for them." It really makes you wonder sometimes...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Sad Truth
I heard a sad story the other day. It came from a 5 year old who said to me, "My dad was always sleeping but now he's gone. He was in the cop car." Naturally, my heart ached for the child, who I later found out has 3 siblings - and all of whom were recently placed in foster care; two in one household and the other two in separate homes.
The unfortunate truth - which we all know - is that situations like this are, regrettably, far too common. There are entirely too many harsh realities that permeate our society and, whether or not we still feel for others or have become desensitized to their plights, that still doesn't make it okay.
I realize that, once they pass a certain point, some things can simply be out of a person's control. Maybe. However, that doesn't excuse the trail of decisions leading up to the predicament in question, does it? I don't know. Perhaps it's just a by-product of a sheltered upbringing, but having a child tell you about their dad being taken away in a cop car so innocently and matter-of-factly like it is an everyday, normal occurrence, is just not right. I would think it impossible to be uncaring in the face of so bald a truth and I simply cannot understand how a person with children depending on them could make decisions that compromise their ability to parent those children. Yet, it DOES happen everyday. In a multitude of families and in a multitude of ways.
I cannot fathom what that must feel like and I am so thankful that I have never had to find out. Moreover, I am amazed at what some people can overcome to become happy, successful, adults against the odds. I just wish that the opposite was not also (understandable as it is) true; that even more of those children with troubled lives end up perpetuating the same dysfunctional cycles, unable to break free. Imagine what a world it would be if all children were nourished with love, security, structure, and support and given the freedom, encouragement, and space to grow...
The unfortunate truth - which we all know - is that situations like this are, regrettably, far too common. There are entirely too many harsh realities that permeate our society and, whether or not we still feel for others or have become desensitized to their plights, that still doesn't make it okay.
I realize that, once they pass a certain point, some things can simply be out of a person's control. Maybe. However, that doesn't excuse the trail of decisions leading up to the predicament in question, does it? I don't know. Perhaps it's just a by-product of a sheltered upbringing, but having a child tell you about their dad being taken away in a cop car so innocently and matter-of-factly like it is an everyday, normal occurrence, is just not right. I would think it impossible to be uncaring in the face of so bald a truth and I simply cannot understand how a person with children depending on them could make decisions that compromise their ability to parent those children. Yet, it DOES happen everyday. In a multitude of families and in a multitude of ways.
I cannot fathom what that must feel like and I am so thankful that I have never had to find out. Moreover, I am amazed at what some people can overcome to become happy, successful, adults against the odds. I just wish that the opposite was not also (understandable as it is) true; that even more of those children with troubled lives end up perpetuating the same dysfunctional cycles, unable to break free. Imagine what a world it would be if all children were nourished with love, security, structure, and support and given the freedom, encouragement, and space to grow...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thankfulness
I have been at a loss recently as to what to write on here, but it seems almost obligatory to write something in relation to Thanksgiving. So, following, naturally, is a list of some of the things I am thankful for...
First of all, the usuals - which are too often taken for granted:
A roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, people who love me...and the fact that I am lucky/blessed enough to live in a society where freedom is a fact of life.
You see, when I began writing this post (it's been on hold for a couple of days and it is now currently the 14th...shhhhhh.....) I had just finished watching Afghan Star, a documentary detailing the experiences of a group of Afghans who attempted to create their own version of the popular Idol series that airs in many different countries. This film drove home for me yet again the circumstances in which so many people are forced to exist and I cannot imagine what it must be like to be unable to express yourself freely and display your talents without risking your life by doing so - literally. The contestants, and even the host, of Afghan Star were subjected to a wealth of repercussions for their behaviour, which was deemed by their fellow countrymen to be inappropriate and sinful. These negative consequences included death threats, eviction, stigmatization for their families, and the inability to return to their hometowns, amongst others. Some of the people involved in the TV production were actually forced to flee the country once religious leaders had determined that their actions were in violation of Islamic laws.
However, apparently self expression through various forms of art are not equally repulsive. According to random citizens polled in the streets, song and dance are judged separately...while some are of the opinion that they are both taboo, others say that "singing is fine - anyone can sing, " but for a contestant to dance or "move" on the stage is scandalous. It also lets the public know that they are "loose" and deserving of scorn.
Silly and pointless as many reality TV/contests are, I find it unfathomable that there are people in the world who have to live in fear for displaying their artistic talents. I mean, obviously I am aware of this alternate reality, but just thinking of the opposite ends of the spectrum from all the outrageous ways our society encourages (or at least tolerates/allows) self expression, in comparison to the restrictiveness of the current Afghan culture, which prohibits such - generally demure, in contrast (unless you include some of the more pornographic music videos aired daily) - actions as public singing and dancing, is hard for me to wrap my head around. Yes...I have lived a relatively sheltered life, and prior to my move out west, even more so...
So, I reiterate: in addition to being incredibly thankful that I live close enough to some extended family to have been able to visit them and sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together, I am also infinitely grateful that I have the freedom to express myself any way I choose and to practice any art form my little heart desires.
First of all, the usuals - which are too often taken for granted:
A roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, people who love me...and the fact that I am lucky/blessed enough to live in a society where freedom is a fact of life.
You see, when I began writing this post (it's been on hold for a couple of days and it is now currently the 14th...shhhhhh.....) I had just finished watching Afghan Star, a documentary detailing the experiences of a group of Afghans who attempted to create their own version of the popular Idol series that airs in many different countries. This film drove home for me yet again the circumstances in which so many people are forced to exist and I cannot imagine what it must be like to be unable to express yourself freely and display your talents without risking your life by doing so - literally. The contestants, and even the host, of Afghan Star were subjected to a wealth of repercussions for their behaviour, which was deemed by their fellow countrymen to be inappropriate and sinful. These negative consequences included death threats, eviction, stigmatization for their families, and the inability to return to their hometowns, amongst others. Some of the people involved in the TV production were actually forced to flee the country once religious leaders had determined that their actions were in violation of Islamic laws.
However, apparently self expression through various forms of art are not equally repulsive. According to random citizens polled in the streets, song and dance are judged separately...while some are of the opinion that they are both taboo, others say that "singing is fine - anyone can sing, " but for a contestant to dance or "move" on the stage is scandalous. It also lets the public know that they are "loose" and deserving of scorn.
Silly and pointless as many reality TV/contests are, I find it unfathomable that there are people in the world who have to live in fear for displaying their artistic talents. I mean, obviously I am aware of this alternate reality, but just thinking of the opposite ends of the spectrum from all the outrageous ways our society encourages (or at least tolerates/allows) self expression, in comparison to the restrictiveness of the current Afghan culture, which prohibits such - generally demure, in contrast (unless you include some of the more pornographic music videos aired daily) - actions as public singing and dancing, is hard for me to wrap my head around. Yes...I have lived a relatively sheltered life, and prior to my move out west, even more so...
So, I reiterate: in addition to being incredibly thankful that I live close enough to some extended family to have been able to visit them and sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together, I am also infinitely grateful that I have the freedom to express myself any way I choose and to practice any art form my little heart desires.
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