Monday, October 26, 2009

A Visit to the Doctor's Office

Today I went to see my doctor for yet another in the series of allergy shots I have committed to getting over a three year period (previously discussed in "Scent Sensitive"). These shots have been designed to build my body's immunity to environmental allergies in the hopes that lessening its' burden will allow it to better cope with the ensuing reactions after coming into contact with certain unidentified chemicals and fragrances - for which there are no current treatments except avoidance since there are so many thousands of them used (go here for an indication in such a plethora of combinations that allergy treatments targeting them specifically are deemed impossible at this point. Check these out for an idea of the effects of some of those toxins and information on how to minimize exposure to them (should've included them in the previous rant I suppose, but that's it)...

....alas, I digress....

Something quite different was brought to my attention when I reported to the receptionist seems the waiting room has now become a segregated space: flu patients on one side and non-flu patients on the other. In addition, the waiting room is now adorned with several strategically placed large pump bottles of hand sanitizer, accompanied by signs advising that they should be used. During my wait, I also noticed that one of the patients sitting on the "flu" side was sporting a mask over his mouth - I can only assume he was doing his best to avoid infecting anyone else with a possible case of H1N1...? Thoughtful, to be sure, but also more excessive than anything I have previously encountered.

Speaking of H1N1, I let you in on my dirty little secret yesterday: I haven't made up my mind whether or not to get vaccinated - GASP! Anyway, I figured I would capitalize on the opportunity presented to converse with my doctor on said subject while she was sticking a different needle in my arm. In a nutshell, she agrees that there is a lot of hype, she says people are scared because H1N1 is unpredictable (you may experience mild symptoms only and get better on your own, but it has also been known to kill otherwise healthy individuals that would not have been expected to react so violently to the virus). She advised me that there are cases in our city and that people have been hospitalized for it. She said that if the regular flu shot doesn't bother me then this one shouldn't either, as it is prepared in the same way, recommended that I get it, and informed me that she and her children would all be getting vaccinated (if that made me feel any better). Which makes me wonder, why is it that the online poll conducted by the local paper found that, of 174 votes, 59% are NOT planning on getting the vaccine while 40% say they will? And then there are statements like these on the BC government's website claiming that the "safety [of the vaccines] will be carefully monitored during their use in Canada and internationally" - gotta observe the scientific method after all; observe and report on those guinea pigs! - and that of the two varieties available, only one is recommended for pregnant women. Why is that? What makes it OK for the rest of us if it is not OK for them?

I left the doctor's office still feeling uncertain and hesitant and I'm not sure why....but I did take a squirt of that sanitizer on the way out just in case ;)

Random Thoughts

1. I am so proud of myself today. I am almost finished my Christmas shopping, I worked out for the first time in ages (so wanting to get back into the routine, and so have not been able to since the decadent summer I enjoyed in Newfoundland), I took care of some stuff I have been wanting to do around the apartment, and I cooked and baked a bunch of stuff for the week. Yay me! (and that is my attempt at - to quote a dear friend of mine "shooting rainbows out my ass" today.)

2. H1N1 shot...indecision reigns. I have been doing a little research on the web and polling for opinions in other blogs and still have not come to any conclusions, except that the people who believe we should all be vaccinated really do express themselves quite vehemently! The thing is, I find it a little hard to separate the reality from the hype about this situation at times and, like all things, you could probably interpret the information several different ways depending on what you want to draw from it. One article I read had virtually convinced me to head out and have a needle jabbed in my arm and what I read from another had me thinking that there really was no need to do that, as H1N1's stats and behaviour are not a whole lot different than your garden variety seasonal flu. For those who are also still undecided, here are a couple of links to information dealing with the issue (I won't include all of the subjective blog posts I have perused):

3. Sigh...I am still playing the waiting game while searching for answers and exploring other avenues for jobs and locations. I am someone who likes to be prepared (halt! before those who know me can protest - procrastination and preparedness need not be mutually exclusive in my humble opinion!) and it is getting really annoying going from day to day and not knowing WHAT I am preparing for...I have packed up a bunch of stuff in case of a possible move, but I have no idea when and where we are going as of yet. We have been considering the north, but have not had any luck finding suitable jobs so far and we haven't been able to come up with a solid back up plan if that falls through. We just know that we don't plan on staying here forever and as much as it didn't make sense to move before when we didn't know where else we wanted to be, it also doesn't really make sense to stay here much longer if we don't intend to set down roots.

4. I was reading some articles from the local paper online and the comments that follow some of them are disgusting. I have to say, I was definitely not prepared for the level of racism that exists here. When I first moved to BC, I was expecting to find communities that appreciated the diversity of their citizens and excited to have an opportunity to learn about other cultures myself. The reality, I am finding, is much different. Specifically, I was - and still am - shocked at the tension that exists between natives and non-natives (on both sides), and have been in a few situations where it has made me more than a little uncomfortable. I am sure people with those types of mentalities exist throughout Canada and the world, but I got my first real exposure to it 4 years ago when I moved here and being hit in the face by it several times since has done nothing but disturb me more.

5. Just because a list of 4 things doesn't seem quite right...I am a little perplexed at my inability to produce a decent graham cracker crust....

Friday, October 23, 2009


In light of scrolling through my posts and realizing that on the surface they all seem to be expressiong complaints about one thing or another, I think perhaps I will shoot for some positivity the next time my fingers dance on my laptop ;)

Grey Foggy Days

We are at the midpoint of fall, and it's no trouble to tell. Not because of the changing and falling leaves, the cooler weather or the warmer clothing, but because of the drop off in communication that always occurs at this time of year. Summers are full of fun in the sun with friends - road trips, boat trips, barbecues and general get togethers...then comes fall. People settle back into the work groove instead of rebelling against it, teachers and students head back to school, families work on their nesting skills for the oncoming winter (and try to repair the holes in their bank accounts depending on how good a time was had), and friends generally don't have as much to talk about now that the excitement of the past season has ground to a halt. That is my theory at least. How else can I explain the disappearance of a vibrant social life?

Perhaps it is because I (like many other Newfoundlanders and Labradorians living away) usually head home in the summertime to catch up with all my relations and have a great time. There is a resounding shock to my system that occurs when I come back to the west and what feels like, in comparison, social isolation - and it seems to be amplified in the fall. Maybe it is not the same for those people who actually live and work in familiar surroundings and circulate amongst their social network year round. Perhaps they don't experience the same feeling of withdrawal or disconnection from the outside world at this time of year. However, being an outsider does not make it easy. Sure, I have lots of acquaintances here, and even a few I would venture so far as to call friends...but I never get to see them or spend time with them much. And I do still have my friends and family back on The Rock (as well as those who have dispersed themselves to the four corners of the earth much like myself)...but they are busy getting back into their own routines as well and our topics of conversation have become limited now that we are not residing in the same place and interacting with the same people on a daily basis.

Then again, maybe it is because of the particular spot in which I have landed. After all, I do know of plenty of Newfoundlanders and Labradorians who have made a go of it in their new locations, surrounding themselves with new friends and immersing themselves in the local social scene (of course it also helps that many of them network through other ex-pats in the same locale. I have heard that some exist here, but so far as I can determine those stories are the stuff of urban legends and old wives tales, so it has been a tad difficult, to say the least, for me to accomplish the same feat).

Whether it is that people just don't operate the same way here or that it is very much a place that is reliant upon becoming part of a clique to obtain true social interaction I haven't been able to figure out yet. However, much of a fish out of water as I find myself at times, the uniqueness inherent to being a Newf doesn't seem to be the driving force behind the circumstances in which I find myself, either way...I have talked to others who have moved here and almost all of them have gone through the same thing and come to a point where they simply accepted that that's the way it is. Personally, I find it very strange and more than a little lonely at times to be confined to such an existence.

I don't know, perhaps I am just a victim of Seasonal Affective Disorder or suffering from the boredom that ensues after the bottom drops out of living the life of a social butterfly. Whatever the case may be, I suppose I should just haul myself up by my bootstraps and trudge on through til the holiday season arrives and things pick back up again (which for me will be limited to the single invite out we have gotten for the past 3 years, due to the previously mentioned stunted network, in addition, perhaps, to another trip to see the extended fam 6 hours away for a couple of days)...ah, well...I suppose I can dream and live vicariously anyway...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Sad Truth

I heard a sad story the other day. It came from a 5 year old who said to me, "My dad was always sleeping but now he's gone. He was in the cop car." Naturally, my heart ached for the child, who I later found out has 3 siblings - and all of whom were recently placed in foster care; two in one household and the other two in separate homes.

The unfortunate truth - which we all know - is that situations like this are, regrettably, far too common. There are entirely too many harsh realities that permeate our society and, whether or not we still feel for others or have become desensitized to their plights, that still doesn't make it okay.

I realize that, once they pass a certain point, some things can simply be out of a person's control. Maybe. However, that doesn't excuse the trail of decisions leading up to the predicament in question, does it? I don't know. Perhaps it's just a by-product of a sheltered upbringing, but having a child tell you about their dad being taken away in a cop car so innocently and matter-of-factly like it is an everyday, normal occurrence, is just not right. I would think it impossible to be uncaring in the face of so bald a truth and I simply cannot understand how a person with children depending on them could make decisions that compromise their ability to parent those children. Yet, it DOES happen everyday. In a multitude of families and in a multitude of ways.

I cannot fathom what that must feel like and I am so thankful that I have never had to find out. Moreover, I am amazed at what some people can overcome to become happy, successful, adults against the odds. I just wish that the opposite was not also (understandable as it is) true; that even more of those children with troubled lives end up perpetuating the same dysfunctional cycles, unable to break free. Imagine what a world it would be if all children were nourished with love, security, structure, and support and given the freedom, encouragement, and space to grow...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Coffee is the Enemy of Sleep

I should definitely know better than to drink coffee. It is 2am and I am wide awake after indulging in a homemade cafe mocha at 5pm. What was I thinking?!?! I honestly cannot comprehend drinking cups upon cups of the stuff during the day and not being a total insomniac. How do people's bodies handle caffeine like that? Or perhaps it's one of those things where if I drank it enough I would build up a tolerance...? Either way, I wish I had refrained from indulging today. Guess I should just be thankful it's not a work night. My significant other, on the other hand, who is currently slumbering on the floor in the guise of watching a movie, has had at least twice as much as me today and maybe more. Funny how that works.

On a completely different note, I did manage to get a bunch of Christmas shopping out of the way today. Bonus. I am discovering that it is usually one of two extremes with me...two years ago I ended up having to ship my bundle of gifts home express, which meant coughing up a bigger chunk of change than I would have liked at the post office. Lucky for me, the parcel was late getting there but still in time for the holidays...which meant that my friends and family members were not disappointed and my shipment was free in the end (I complained and Canada Post sent me a cheque...I wish Air Canada was as obliging). This year, purchases, wrapping, and cards to be made, and I can send it to my mother to distribute when the time comes. You definitely have to plan ahead when you are nowhere near the recipients of your gifting...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Scent Sensitive

I am currently suffering from yet another one of the sinus infections that have plagued me since moving to my current location. Did I ever have them before coming west? Yes. Yes I did. Did I have them as often or to such a bad degree? By and large, no - I did not. What appears to be the culprit? Well, as far as I can tell they are mostly due to the repeated exacerbation of my allergies, which creates an overload on my immune system and in turn results in one of these nasty little episodes. I won't bother grossing you out with the details, but suffice it to say it ain't pretty and it ain't fun.

On the surface, I suppose I could blame some of these symptoms on my exposure to the daily allergens I come in contact with...namely, "western trees and grasses (whatever that is supposed to encompass), dust, and mold." However, pollen levels vary and dust and mold are not ever-present in levels that would cause my body to go into meltdown mode. Perhaps if I was under stress at the time my immune system would be compromised that could be a contributing factor...And I have also blamed the air quality in my present locale, as it is definitely not the stuff of pristine wilderness.

But I am inside this body and have realized that it reacts rather strongly and rather quickly to a multitude of scents...specifically, the chemicals used to create those scents. I am not sure if I am becoming more sensitive as I get older or if I am just subjected to more irritants out here than I was back home and my system can't handle it anymore. Either way, it can be hellish.

It can happen anywhere, at any time. Much as I practice making decisions to protect myself in my immediate surroundings (i.e. at home or in my specific work environment to the best of my ability), I cannot control what I come into contact with during any given day. It is extremely frustrating. I have had to change seats during plays, leave movie theatres frantically searching for my inhaler (yeah I have asthma, too, which is also sometimes affected), run out of stores gasping for air, and avoid certain cashiers when I shop for groceries, among countless other inconveniences. And much of a nuisance as that is, and as embarrassing as it is for me to have to go to those measures for my own comfort and safety, I can somewhat understand. Obviously in our society I will never be free of every dangerous and allergy-inducing chemical known to man.

What I can't understand is having to deal with it in the workplace...which I do, on a continual basis. To my knowledge, quite a few work places back on The Rock have become scent free in recent years. I was under the impression that this was the case nationwide. Not so. At my last job, I questioned the scent policy and was told that it was the decision of each particular workforce to decide whether or not their building was scent free in this area and that, while my boss sympathized with my situation, he was not inclined to implement a policy for all employees as a solution (which left me feeling rather slighted in comparison to those with peanut or other allergies, which are taken more seriously - and yes, I do realize that some of those are life threatening. However, asthma can be too and while I am not afflicted with a condition that severe, who is to say there aren't others who are? And while I am on this side rant, if the airlines can stop serving peanuts then why can't they restrict passengers' use of scent? Isn't it the same premise? Prevent anaphylactic shock vs. prevent potentially life threatening asthma attack...I dunno, seems rational to me...). Alas, I had no other option but to single myself out as the lone shit disturber and start bringing it up at meetings and requesting some changes on my own (with my employer's support).

I resorted to this after being forced to take countless sick days due to my encounters with people, products, and objects of the scented variety while at work. And was it effective? No, ladies and gentlemen, it was not. While there was, eventually, some effort put into limiting workplace scents for my benefit (not to mention everyone elses, whether they realized it or not) by certain individuals, I was also promoted to the position of scratch and sniff lady, expected to test and pass judgment on their chosen scents. I'm sure they meant well, but seriously, what an awkward position to be put in and a surefire way to make myself a bigger target - and sick, to boot.

Now I am in a casual position which requires me to work in a few different buildings - and guess what? Most of them are not scent free either. Which means I am breathing in a different set of floating chemical cocktails from cleaners and personal care products all day long nearly every day, with no control over or protection from what I am exposed to. It's becoming quite annoying as well, because I can usually feel within a few minutes (sometimes less if I experience a more violent reaction) whether or not I'm going to be OK in a given place. But, like anyone else, when I am scheduled to be somewhere for the day, I have no choice but to stay there and work it, regardless of my condition (unless of course, God forbid, I am unfortunate enough one day to have to be hospitalized or something I suppose).

Some days are great. Nothing triggers me and I am fine from the time I arrive until I get home. Most days, I come into contact with something somewhere that irritates my respiratory system in some way, shape or form, makes me nauseous, gives me a headache, or any other of a host of negative reactions. If I am lucky, it will be something that I can limit my exposure to, choosing to avoid it for the majority of the day, and hopefully not feel its effects too badly. If I am not, I usually suffer in silence for fear of injuring someones feelings, causing a scene, embarrassing myself, etc, etc, etc. And after a few of those days of becoming more and more impaired, my body hits full rebel mode and I am no longer a fully functioning human being capable of living my life normally and getting through the work day.

Like I said, I get it that I am probably going to be confronted with this every day for the rest of my life, but I am hoping it will lessen with time - perhaps society will change for the better, perhaps I will eventually build up an immunity, or whatever else would improve the situation. In the meantime, I can't help comparing the whole thing to the ongoing fight between smokers and non-smokers...Individuals have the right to choose whether or not they use/wear certain products and fragrances, just like individuals have the right to choose whether or not they smoke. The difference is, non-smokers have recognized rights and are winning the battle to keep themselves free from pollutants (i.e. second-hand smoke generated from smokers).

Smokers cannot smoke in or around public buildings, workplaces, or even in their own vehicle if they have child passengers...but as a person who is sensitive to scents and chemicals, I have no recourse much of the time. For the most part, there are no widespread laws governing the use of fragrance. It is everywhere...public washrooms, laundromats, theatres, restaurants.....While I don't think it is a crime to want to smell good nor do I wish to implement a worldwide ban, I think it would be nice to promote increased awareness and consideration at the very least. It might also be nice to put some more pressure on the industry responsible for creating these monstrosities and forcing them to adhere to more strict regulations...I bet a lot of people would be surprised to know that there are ingredients used in personal care products and cleaners in North America that have been banned in Europe....

I have to insert here that I do, obviously, have close connections (friends, relatives, coworkers) that utilize their free will to employ scented products and that's fine by me as long as I am not around. And God love 'em, they do make changes to their regular routines to accommodate my extreme sensitivity, which I absolutely do sincerely appreciate. Words cannot express how grateful I am for that - truly. I guess it's different when it's someone you know well, eh? Although you would think common courtesy would dictate better treatment to anyone -stranger or no...Anyway, I digress...the point is there ARE safer/less toxic alternatives out there and -seriously -clean, fresh, and well groomed does not have to equal slathered in chemicals (although there are chemical laden scent free options on the market, too if you prefer). There are so many natural products on the market nowadays - both scented and non - and a lot of simple, tried and true solutions as close as your kitchen when it comes to cleaning. Of course, what you choose to use in your own space is completely up to you and all the power to you to do as you please. However, bear in mind that there are many people out there who suffer as I do and I think we deserve the freedom to breathe easily and free of pollutants (i.e. airborne fragrance particles)just as much as everyone else when we are out in public, wouldn't you agree?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


I have been at a loss recently as to what to write on here, but it seems almost obligatory to write something in relation to Thanksgiving. So, following, naturally, is a list of some of the things I am thankful for...

First of all, the usuals - which are too often taken for granted:

A roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, people who love me...and the fact that I am lucky/blessed enough to live in a society where freedom is a fact of life.

You see, when I began writing this post (it's been on hold for a couple of days and it is now currently the 14th...shhhhhh.....) I had just finished watching Afghan Star, a documentary detailing the experiences of a group of Afghans who attempted to create their own version of the popular Idol series that airs in many different countries. This film drove home for me yet again the circumstances in which so many people are forced to exist and I cannot imagine what it must be like to be unable to express yourself freely and display your talents without risking your life by doing so - literally. The contestants, and even the host, of Afghan Star were subjected to a wealth of repercussions for their behaviour, which was deemed by their fellow countrymen to be inappropriate and sinful. These negative consequences included death threats, eviction, stigmatization for their families, and the inability to return to their hometowns, amongst others. Some of the people involved in the TV production were actually forced to flee the country once religious leaders had determined that their actions were in violation of Islamic laws.

However, apparently self expression through various forms of art are not equally repulsive. According to random citizens polled in the streets, song and dance are judged separately...while some are of the opinion that they are both taboo, others say that "singing is fine - anyone can sing, " but for a contestant to dance or "move" on the stage is scandalous. It also lets the public know that they are "loose" and deserving of scorn.

Silly and pointless as many reality TV/contests are, I find it unfathomable that there are people in the world who have to live in fear for displaying their artistic talents. I mean, obviously I am aware of this alternate reality, but just thinking of the opposite ends of the spectrum from all the outrageous ways our society encourages (or at least tolerates/allows) self expression, in comparison to the restrictiveness of the current Afghan culture, which prohibits such - generally demure, in contrast (unless you include some of the more pornographic music videos aired daily) - actions as public singing and dancing, is hard for me to wrap my head around. Yes...I have lived a relatively sheltered life, and prior to my move out west, even more so...

So, I reiterate: in addition to being incredibly thankful that I live close enough to some extended family to have been able to visit them and sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together, I am also infinitely grateful that I have the freedom to express myself any way I choose and to practice any art form my little heart desires.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

From the East to the West

So I got to thinking the other day about various stuff I have encountered since I've been "Out West," and while there are some things that I have totally appreciated, there are others that I truly just don't get. I decided to short list a few for shits and giggles...

Things I enjoy:

1. The different landscapes. Love 'em. They're beautiful, and I have a bijillion pictures from all over the place to prove it. The mountains have become a part of me, just like the ocean always has been.

2. The fresh mountain air (which does NOT exist everywhere - read: mills galore - and will never replace the salty tang of the air in the North Atlantic). I am not sure how to describe it at the moment, but it is quite refreshing and rejuvenating in a way I've not experienced elsewhere.

3. The attitude that anything is possible (for the most part). There just seems to be a different kind of reality here. Instead of the pervasive, ingrained belief that things are unrealistic and unattainable, people see opportunities and possibilities, grab them and go for it!

4. There are four seasons and they actually occur when they are supposed to. It's a nice change to go through the cycle of winter, spring, summer, fall and experience each during the time frame in which it is supposed to come and go (instead of 3/4 of the year being winter, with a touch of the other three seasons thrown in just for appearances sake).

5. The increased ability to travel. Obviously, being on the Mainland offers advantages in this area...immediately, you eliminate the need to get off an island to go anywhere which makes things infinitely less complicated and more accessibile. You can reach more places by driving, and flights, in general, are cheaper (unless you are flying back east for a visit, that is...)

And now for the things that befuddle me:

1. I do not and will not ever understand what would drive someone to put sliced/chopped up mystery deli sandwich meat on top of Chinese food and serve it. However, I have encountered it in several places in BC and after several disappointing trial and error sessions and having to frown at my food, screw up my face, tutt, sigh, and pick it all off, I decided to boycott Chinese restaurants anywhere north of Vancouver (unless specifically recommended, in which case I may cautiously take a deep breath and give it a go) just in case...

2. I fail to comprehend why so many people feel the need to possess a dually or any other huge truck for that matter. I'm sorry, but there is no way THAT MANY people own and/or help operate a ranch/farm or have some other job-related issue that requires them to drive one of those gas-guzzling, atmosphere polluting beasts (which also apparently entitles the owner to monopolize the road at all times). Why else would you need one? It just irks me.

3. Passing lane etiquette in BC. 'Nough said (...but for the "Easterners" - read: anyone who resides anywhere past Saskatchewan - who may not know what I am talking about, I will briefly explain that when you see a passing lane, no matter how slow you are going beforehand, it means "GIVE 'ER!!!!!" If you see someone who looks like they may be attempting to pass you, stamp down on the gas until the passing lane ends, at which time you can slam on the brakes again and agitate them by forcing them to stay behind and follow you. Do this repeatedly). In Alberta, the issue seems to be an inability to drive below 140 or merge in traffic.

4. Newfoundland = Nova Scotia = New Brunswick. Yep, they're all the same place, and all included in "The Maritimes"...along with PEI of course - didn't you know? Totally interchangeable! The Annapolis Valley? Right next to St. John's, of course! ...and a person who is from Nova Scotia is called a Newfie, just like a Newfoundlander must be from Nova Scotia, right? Unless New Brunswick comes to mind first, that is...

5. The widespread inability to pronounce "Newfoundland" correctly...even when provided with repeated examples from a native Newfoundlander. Rhymes with "understand." Is it really that hard? I mean seriously, do I walk around calling this place "BRIGHT-ish Column-BEE-ah???" Honestly!!!

Now, in all fairness, I know there are things about Eastern Canadians that throw westerners off too (I personally find it makes my life easier to neutralize my accent and delete certain words and phrases from my speech when I am not at home, as a preventative measure, for starters). Hell, there are things that boggle my mind and I am from there!

Yes, there's no doubt those who have ventured east have probably been smacked in the face by our quirks just as much as we are by theirs (although I do think the eastern provinces offer up more fodder as they are more diverse than the western ones in my humble opinion. I can't really speak for central or the territories). However, I am also sure our western visitors have taken away things that have pleasantly surprised and enlightened them, just like I have out here.

Anyway - no matter how you slice it - easterners and westerners are just DIFFERENT. It's important to be aware of those differences (let's face it - some people are just plain oblivious), and celebrate that diversity and uniqueness as much as possible while remembering to afford others our respect...even if we do feel the need to walk away shaking our heads and rolling our eyes sometimes.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

At The Crossroads

Being an adult truly blows goats sometimes. There are a bunch of changes coming down the tubes lately (mostly intertwined, which tends to complicate matters), and I'm not sure if I am prepared for any of them. In fact, I am not even sure I can separate them enough to formulate a coherent account of the issues I am currently attempting to navigate my way around - either here OR at the personal sorting station inside my brain :s Nevertheless, I will attempt to outline a few in this entry (if only to wrap my own head around it once more)...It's all pretty basic stuff, I'm sure, but with my knack for making things more complicated and worrisome than they need to be, it's no wonder I feel like I am weaving my way through a beast-ridden jungle right now...

First and foremost, 29 is a few days away - which means 30 is lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce on me. I'm not sure it is something I could ever be ready for, but it boggles my mind to no end to contemplate all the things I wanted to see/do/accomplish before that benchmark age. Following that up with an attempt to figure out the logistics of checking them off my list and facing the dawning reality of how much time I actually have left in which to realize those dreams with an expiry date is rather daunting in itself, all other considerations aside.

Secondly, I am seriously debating my chosen career (have been for a while) and am currently weighing my options. It's a confusing and frustrating process at times, needless to say, and I really fail to see an endless stream of possibilities outside my door. Not to mention that when an adult contemplates these things, he/she not only has to figure out "what do I want?" and "how much time do I have?," but also take into consideration "what can I afford?," which will dictate what is acceptable in terms of salary, further schooling/training, etc. when weighed against current finances as well as present and future quality of life. In the meantime, said adult (in this case, moi) needs to keep afloat financially...which in my case means a continuation/waiting game of sorts in my current career coupled with an intensive job search on the side for solutions unknown.

Which brings us to the third conundrum...where does one find the solutions to all those ponderings? There is a ceaseless brain wracking, question asking, information seeking and running around in circles that follows these questions around in the adult world (or in my brain anyway). I am searching for ways to work these things into a (preferably better than) satisfactory outcome, but also have to factor in the fact that I am, at the moment, far away from my entire social network and not wanting to set down permanent roots in the place in which I have been residing for the past 3 years (although I have been working on a few temporary ones in the past year or so). I am debating a move...but where? I have been focusing on one place in particular at present. A place which I have never visited, is also far away from familiar surroundings and devoid of all present social connections but one, and poses many other definite challenges of its own.

I'm sure by now you get my drift...I'm a freak and I think things to death. I'll shut up now. In the meantime, I am continuing to float around restlessly in limbo, wishing for psychic abilities that would allow me to explore all the possibilities presented by each path I could take, risk free!

That's some pretty freaky shit right much simpler was life when I was half my age?

On another (related or unrelated - depending on how you look at it) note, I am experiencing a wave of homesickness tonight and spent hours scouring YouTube for videos of familiar and comforting sights and sounds. It's tough being a fish out of water sometimes, even if you do adapt to life on land...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Slap Happy

I'm a little irate with the Slap Chop guy. Fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini....what IS that?!?!?!? Between the verbal diarrhea, the eyebrow olympics and the slimy salesman sneer - I mean smile - (to which I always mentally add a little cartoon sparkle on the teeth, not unlike the ones they use to enhance shots of the product in the commercial), I am ready to slap and chop HIS that wrong to say? I mean seriously, "you're gonna love my nuts"??? Does no one edit these things? Anyway, that's my rant for this morning. Not exactly mind-shattering stuff, but that's it. Eventually my brain will function again...

The First Attempt

Well, here first attempt to post something on my brand spankin' new blog. How exciting! The only thing is...I, the wordy one herself, am drawing a blank! How can this be! I always have something to say (just ask anyone who knows me)! Am I experiencing a strange form of performance anxiety? This is beyond odd... Le sigh... I guess it is one of those "tune in next time..." which time something great (or at least a little more substantial) will magically flow from my brain to my hands, roll off of my fingers, and appear on this screen, of course ;)