Friday, August 12, 2011


The past two weeks have flown by. So much has happened and I have barely had any time to think...At the crux of this time and need for processing is the fact that I have met someone...the new new guy...the old new guy sort of disappeared without a trace or an explanation. He went on vacation to his family home with the message that he would be in contact and was looking forward to getting together with me again when he got back. And that was the last I heard of him. It's been about 2 weeks. 

2 weeks ago today I went to a get together my cousin and her husband were having (they were home on vacation as well). Her brother in law was there and the attraction was instantaneous and mutual...which neither of us realized until the next day when my cousin spoke to him and later gave me his number to contact him (apparently he was kicking himself for not approaching me and didn't believe her when she said I had felt the same). 

To make a long story short, we got in contact and haven't stopped talking since. We've gone on a number of dates and spent some incredible time together. We get each other. There is something insanely powerful between us and we both feel as if we've known each other for years. I could go on and on, but you get the point. It's amazing. 

There is, however, a problem (of course). He moved back to the island in May with the promise to his then girlfriend of 7 years that she could take her time and decide whether or not to move here with him. She changed her mind one way and the other a few times and so he told her that in the interim perhaps they should just behave as if they were both single. 

...and then he met me. He was upfront and honest with me from the get-go and neither of us expected this connection or these feelings. It's hard. We have both talked about waiting until he knows what's what vs enjoying each other while we can. My pride is hurting. He is torn. It's a mess. I have no idea what is going to happen or when I will know. I am kicking myself for being in this situation. But I wonder if I would kick myself more if I said goodbye. He has contacted her and told her that she needs to decide what she's doing because he needs to move on with his life either way, but he feels that he owes it to her to try if she wants to after so much time together. I cannot justify spending time with someone and growing feelings for each other when everything hinges on what a third party decides. He isn't choosing me right now...which makes me a very stupid girl for sticking around. But this feels like it may be a once in a lifetime thing. How do I walk away from that before I have to? And how can he stay on a string for someone else when he feels the same? My cousin is convinced he is in love with us both. I am inclined to agree, although the words have not been spoken...and I could very easily let myself go and fall in love with him as well but I am holding back in a futile attempt to protect myself while still enjoying his company. The feelings are there but I hesitate to acknowledge or label them. So for now it's a day at a time until I figure out what I need to say and do to reconcile everything for myself and be OK. In the meantime, who knows what her decision will be or when she will deliver it? Sigh...the universe certainly works in strange, mysterious and frustrating ways sometimes...

There is one thing I do know...everything for a reason. If he isn't my happily ever after (and I don't see how he could be given the situation, although it certainly feels like it has the potential to go that way) then it only means we were meant to learn something from each other and there is something better waiting for us both down the road. I am thankful for the time we have spent together and for being given this opportunity to get to know each other. I have no regrets so far and neither does he. I hope it stays that way.

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