Monday, September 12, 2011

Crash and Burn

The friend of a friend and I fell into talking every day again. We got together last Monday and had a fabulous time. I drove to see him and spend the night this Friday. But something had changed. He wasn't the same. And it left me feeling empty. So Saturday night I gave him a spiel about how I couldn't handle seeing him when he was mourning someone else and how when he is whole again if he wants me he can come find me and we'll see where I'm at then. However, his response (which was basically to accept it and say he was still messed up but knew when the time is right it could happen with us and that he doesn't expect me to wait for him) was underwhelming and made me re-evaluate everything. I was hurt and I got angry. The anger was still there when I woke up this morning and this afternoon I decided to tell him exactly what I thought of the situation - that if he was in shock over what had happened with her, he was blind because there's no way it should have come as a shock. That if he truly meant what he had said about his feelings for me, I wouldn't have had to seek reassurance and that if he had truly wanted me then or now he would've fought for me. That I had been feeling so empty after going to see him that I debated leaving him a note and taking off in the middle of the night (which is totally out of character for me), that I felt stupid for believing him and allowing myself be vulnerable to him. He didn't say anything. His response was to delete me from his contact list. I cannot believe he would do something so immature. I texted him the rest of what I was going to say...which was basically that he obviously isn't my guy and that I have no one to blame but myself for getting so caught up when I knew the state he was in and I did it anyway. And so now the hurt is intensified and the emptiness is back full force. I don't know how to make this right for myself. And yet throughout the sick feeling I am experiencing, I still want to reach out to him and see if he's OK. I want to apologize for being harsh...even though all I did was speak my mind and he is the one who wasn't an adult about it. But I don't think contacting him again is wise right now. What to do....?


  1. OMG BG, stay away from this clown, he is such bad news on many, many levels. Protect yourself. Get busy.
    He reminds me of a guy I dated (and pursued) who was still grieving his dead wife and it ended much like this. Call it quits, you would not have a good life with this one. He is so immature...

  2. Thanks WWW. I did what I had to to make myself feel better and move toward forgiving myself last night for behaving out of character, which was to text and apologize for being harsher than need be but stand by what I said, and to admit it was probably out of line for me to comment on his other situation. That got no response either. He is behaving like a 12 year old and his silence speaks volumes. Not. Worth. It. I will be fine. It just took him being a total douche for me to be able to put it in perspective. I am throwing myself into work and focusing on the positives in my life as much as I can right now. The good feelings and memories associated with him do crop up, and I can't help but to compare and contrast his current behaviour with what he was showing me before (which was amazing), but then I beat them back down with reminders of the fact that he disappeared at the first sign of anything remotely like work this time around. He is not the same and that is all that matters right now.