Love and Marriage

Boyfriend and I are talking marriage...well, we have been since month 1 really, but now that we are in month....20? we are actually starting to look at engagement rings (um, wow...holy decisions! to think that I have considered not even bothering with an engagement ring and now after 3 trips to the jewellery store and trying on rings, I am daydreaming diamonds!) and wedding details. We don't really know where to start, but we are discussing, looking, and trying to price things out to get an idea of what we are looking at and what is reasonable and affordable for us. I feel like I'm chasing my tail in circles sometimes, but it's interesting trying to figure out what is important to us and what can be sacrificed in looking for a happy medium for the special day. We have touched on everything from going to the courthouse and getting a JP to perform the deed to doing the destination wedding to the all out family affair. In all honesty, I can't really decide what I can live with sans regrets. And all the while I am reminding myself that I do not want to get sucked up into the big traditional (expensive) white wedding mess...not that there is anything wrong with that, just that it does not fit in our current budget. The most important thing is making this do-able and moving forward with the actual marriage that comes after the wedding. 

I always assumed I would follow the prescribed formula of the masses if this time ever came (as I did in my education and career choices) but, after taking a realistic look at my situation (and having a heart to heart with Boyfriend and another with my brother, who is getting married himself this summer), Boyfriend and I think that the best first step for us is marriage. We are not in the position to go house hunting with him in school and me not having stable employment and I am not prepared to start having children until I am married and (hopefully) have a home. 

I have to say, much as I am frustrated at times that this process is not moving fast enough for me (I know, I know, things take time and there's no need to rush), I am happy with the progress we have made in the last month or so. It is good to know that we at least have a direction to go in and a starting point. It is also good to know that I am OK with (actually excited about) exploring different options for our wedding and the order of things. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at myself, since I am not the same person I was years ago when I thought about marriage in an offhand manner once in a while. The fact that I am SURE that I want this is a feat in itself! I have never been certain that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone or had that "this is it!" feeling. Well, it has arrived. It's been here a while. I think it started about 20 months ago. I am so unbelievably in love with Boyfriend. It's actually overwhelming sometimes. We have an amazing relationship and it makes everything else brighter and more bearable. He is everything I want and need in a partner (even if I do get the urge to choke him on a daily basis when he brings his messiness to a new level or finds other ways to annoy the shit out of me). Nothing has ever felt so right and so natural. 

...yep - this is me. Madly in love and ready to be married :)