Monday, December 6, 2010

Getting Back Up

If you have been following this blog at all, you already know that it has been a rather rough year for me so far. Granted, everyone has their ups and downs, but I sort of feel like I've been mostly down and often kicked over the past 12 months. I am happy to say that I am now entering a period of renewed strength, determination, action, and optimism. It feels good. It is still a bumpy road and there are still obstacles in my path and decisions that are screaming at me to be made, but I am resilient - a fighter and a survivor, despite being such a whiner sometimes. Let's face it...there are a lot worse things I could have gone through than what I have. However, that is cold comfort when you are the person who is feeling lost and whose life is in utter upheaval.

Progress to date: I am continuing to follow The Artist's Way program, I have booked myself an appointment with a career counsellor, I am performing this weekend in the PCNSO/NSO's Messiah, I am volunteering on the theatre scene and keeping my eyes and ears open for opportunities to get back onstage. I have gotten some calls to sub (although not as many as I would like) and I am actively collecting and organizing writing ideas. I have also lost another few pounds, which feels really good.

In terms of the love life scene, I have processed and healed from the shock I wrote of in my last post. I have also been conversing with a couple of smart and intriguing men online (one of whom I have met and am attracted to on numerous levels - I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will be a chance to explore the possibilities further - as in date and get to know each other better - but I am in no rush to enter into another full blown relationship at this point). I am also kind of interested in finding out more about an acquaintance who has caught my attention.

I found it rather helpful to spend time with a friend of a friend recently who reminded me that being single and 30 does not mean that life is over. It's amazing how you can be acquainted with someone for years and never realize how much you have in common...some talking over wine remedied that situation this weekend and it was incredibly therapeutic (seriously - what would we ever do without our girlfriends?). It also made me realize that I want to savour this opportunity I have created to be a single lady again a little more than I have been (with the exception of all the fun I had this summer - that part was great). It may be my last chance, after all, and I remember a part of me mourning the loss of my single life and living vicariously through others while I was in long term relationships. Still, I was rather surprised at myself when I looked at her life - complete with husband, kids, and home - which I thought I wanted before and which I think I might still like someday, and realize that I don't actually want it right now. It's refreshing and relieving to know that. That's a whole lot of pressure lifted, right there...

And so I leave you with:

(Ok, so the whole song doesn't fit, but the whole not killing you but making you stronger bit works!)

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