OK, so I've been yo-yo-ing a bit with the whole weight loss thing, but I think things are on the decrease again. I reached a new low today - YAY! I got to pre-boyfriend-number-two weight a while ago and went back up a few pounds, but I have broken through the threshold and am now below that. In 8.2 pounds I will be at pre-boyfriend-number-one (yes, there have only been two long terms...and they ate up this decade for me). This excites me almost as much as the fact that there is a new bra store in town (which I have yet to check out). It is about damn time St. John's!!! AH, bliss....I was really wondering what the hell I was going to do when I needed to go shopping for unmentionables and contemplating the shipping costs from my favourite lingerie shop in Kelowna was not pretty...
Alas, I digress...
My mother, God bless her, has been pressuring me to make plans for the holidays. It will be my first Christmas on the island since 2004 and my first single one since I was 20. What makes it weird for me, though, is that my brother will be staying in town with his girlfriend and my parents will be out around the bay...and I have to decide where to be. And for some reason, having to make that decision triggers a very emotional response in me. The thought has crossed my mind to just stay at my apartment solo and see them all at some other point (other than Christmas Day) throughout the holidays, but I can't seem to bring myself to commit to any plan of action yet and I don't see why she insists on hounding me to figure it out.
I have been applying myself to figuring out what it is I want to do with my life in terms of career and so far every thought engenders several more but nothing is really screaming at me, "THIS IS YOUR PATH!!!" How disappointing is that???
After quite a few nasty bumps in the road in a close friendship over the past few months, I am contemplating cutting ties. This is never an easy thing to do and I am certainly not a fan, but sometimes self-protection trumps all. I can't say that I particularly enjoy feeling like someone else's personal punching bag at the moment or that I am being continually judged by someone I considered "friend." You know how the saying goes..."With friends like that..." And, well, when it starts to feel like a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? No, thank you. I wouldn't tolerate that from a boyfriend and so I see no reason why I should cater to it with a friend.
Oh, and that great guy I thought I had met? Turns out he may not be so great after all. Go figure. After a couple of dates and a whole lot of online conversation - in all of which we seemed to totally click and enjoy each other's personalities immensely (read: battle of wits, smile and laughter explosion, complemented with what appeared to be sparkly, googly-eyed adoration coming from him) - I am starting to get the vibe that perhaps he is a bit of a player. Which, I suppose, would account for the incredible acting skills if all that crap wasn't genuine. The boy is good, I'll give him that...but if he thinks I'm going to be one of those girls who is content to hang around on the back burner and soak up any pittance of attention she is paid, he's got a lot to learn. So, currently I'm keeping my eyes and my options open and waiting to see what happens (damn my hopeful optimistic side for choosing to make an appearance in this arena, but I really do like this one and can't help but hope that he IS being genuine and ISN'T trying to play me), but seriously starting to think putting a freeze on exploring romantic interests may be in order again soon. I really wonder what this whole thing is like from the male perspective, given that our brains operate so differently...
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