Anxiety

As previously noted, I had selected January 10th to be my quit smoking date. That has changed. I went out with my smoker friends tonight and it turns out they have also decided it is time. I'm not sure if that will make it easier or tougher. On the one hand, we will all be going through the same thing together...on the other, there is a risk that someone may not make it out alive with all the emotional upheaval caused by withdrawal. I remember those feelings well and am not looking forward to experiencing them again, but I know the payoff will be greater than the temporary discomfort.

Anyway, long story short, I decided to smoke what I had left and start the week without cigarettes (I actually find it more appealing to not stop mid-week for some reason, a fact that my inner addict was using to try and convince me to prolong the smoking until next Monday rather than stop on a Tuesday).

The problem is, I am working tomorrow morning for the first time in a while at a school I haven't been to in about a year and that makes me nervous. The thought of getting up and going there with no cigarette fix and leaving without having one afterwards is stressful for me right now. However, thanks to WiseWebWoman, who helpfully introduced me to Quitnet, I have had support off and on all day while trying to mentally prepare for this farewell. And a lot of those words of wisdom and encouragement from former smokers reminded me of something I had forgotten: the fear of quitting is often worse than quitting itself in some respects.

I just hope I can sleep tonight because I will be needing my rest for tomorrow...