Work Woes

OK. So I'm getting very stressed and frustrated because I am currently unemployed. I'm a teacher...and unfortunately unemployed teachers are a dime a dozen in St. John's. I figured I'd get my feet wet subbing and work my way into the system...but that's not happening. Things work differently here. Elsewhere I've lived and worked (sometimes subbing and sometimes in my own classroom under yearly term contracts), I've applied to the district, gotten on the sub list, and been guaranteed at least SOME time subbing under the rotational system (minus when I first came home and was subbing in rural NL...but I still managed to get decent classroom time out of that) and a fair crack at any available teaching positions (naturally, I was still behind anyone with more seniority or higher qualifications in terms of job postings). When I applied to the sub list in this district I was informed through the grapevine that the expectation here is that you also hand deliver your resume to any and all schools you wish to sub at and pick a handful to volunteer at for a few hours a week...all in the HOPE of getting a call to sub. So I did that (although I have to say I see a number of faults with that system...which is also NOT rotational and based solely on who you know and your ability to get into their good books as far as I can tell). I got dressed up, plastered a confident smile on my face and braved the weather (of course, it was windy and raining every time I went out to deliver resumes), I picked a couple of schools and have been going there and volunteering my services in and out of the classroom to whoever wants to make use of me - and so far? Nothing. Nada. Pas du tout!

And it's getting old. I am not a fan of having this much time on my hands to try and fill. I have ALWAYS been busy. I left high school and went straight to university and then left university and went straight to work. I'm sure most everyone realizes that being a student and being a teacher are both pretty time consuming roles to play. So I'm trying to broaden my horizons and see what else is out there...but I have no idea where to turn or what to do (other than recreational pursuits). My entire life has been centered around schools, it seems. I feel utterly dumbfounded when it comes to getting myself gainfully employed in other areas or even what areas I'd like to become gainfully employed in (and I'm starting to revisit the idea that perhaps teaching is not where it's at for me)! It's rather confusing...Do I seek further education to add to my bachelor's degrees (and how do I finance that? by tacking further debt onto my already existing student loan)? Do I branch out and do something totally different? Do I seek part-time employment that will allow me the flexibility to continue volunteering and perhaps snagging some sub time at some unknown point in the future? Do I go after a full-time job that will take away that option (and do I settle for just anything at this point or do I continue to look for something that will leave me with some satisfaction at the end of the day)? Is there a way I can become self-employed and make money off of my hobbies/talents/things I enjoy? And then there's pay...while I'm not exactly doing well at the moment and on the one hand some money is better than no money, on the other hand I'm not sure how I can go from the possibility of making decent money to the assurance of making much less and still find a way to make ends meet...if that makes sense. I guess the bottom line is I'm just feeling really scared and lost and hoping some divine opportunity or inspiration will fall into my lap and light my way through this dark, murky path I'm on...sooner rather than later would probably be best...

At the end of the day, I just really want to feel like I have a purpose. I want to be self-sufficient and feel good about what I do and how I spend my life. Is that so much to ask...? How on earth does everyone else make it in this city/province?