Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Bagless
I try to make it a habit to bring my own cloth bags when shopping. However, there are times I forget or I am only purchasing an item or two and don't really need a bag either way. In those instances, I tell the cashier right away that no bag is needed...but some of them are pretty quick on the draw and have one all ready to go by then. I have to say, it really bugs me when I grab my stuff to go and they take the bag they were going to give me and throw it in the trash. Why not just reuse it on the next customer? It kind of makes my intended good deed a bad one and leaves me feeling guilty that I didn't just take the damn bag and recycle it myself...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Lucky Day
It may be silly, but I just felt the need to put this out to the universe and say thank you...
In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron writes about synchronicity - which she explains as things that randomly pop up in our lives when we are thinking about them. I had two such instances today...The first occurred when I was shopping with my mother and found facial moisturizers I'm running out of and have been contemplating ordering online, although they are somewhat pricey and I couldn't really justify buying them at the moment. Lo and behold, when I walked into Winner's, there they were on the shelf (I've never seen them in Newfoundland) for almost half the price I am used to paying for them. A very little thing, but I was thankful and happy nonetheless.
The second instance was when I (stupidly) locked myself out of my apartment this evening. I was thinking of the extra key my landlady gave me and wishing she was home so that I could see if there was another key floating around (I never thought I would be so lucky, but it doesn't hurt to check). It so happened that she was away, but her daughter was home so I went upstairs to look up a locksmith. Shortly after I called him (and was told it would cost me $60), she pulled into the driveway. I explained what had happened and she went over to her friend's house to see if they might have an extra key (they live on the same street and were taking care of the house for her after she bought it and before she moved in). Her friend was also out, but her husband handed us a ring of keys and said that one of them might be for the apartment, he wasn't sure. We walked back over to my place and, as luck might have it, the first one she tried got me in. I said a little prayer of gratitude for whoever/whatever was looking out for me and called the locksmith as soon as I got in. Unfortunately, he had arrived in the driveway by that time and was none to happy about it. I was sincerely apologetic, but he hung up on me anyway.
I suppose while I'm at it, there is a third thing that recently struck me as strange...one day last week, an old professor of mine from my MUN days popped into my head - I can't remember why. Oddly enough, on Friday night's performance of Messiah, I looked over to my left at the audience at one point and guess who was sitting there in the second row? I'm wondering if there is some significance to that and if perhaps he (or what he represents) is somehow a part of the answer to the puzzle of my life I've been trying to put together in terms of my career path and getting employed again. It's something to think about, anyway...
Although there are often weird coincidences that mean nothing on the surface, as one friend said to me a while back, "The signs of life are always there for us if we remember to look for them." It really makes you wonder sometimes...
In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron writes about synchronicity - which she explains as things that randomly pop up in our lives when we are thinking about them. I had two such instances today...The first occurred when I was shopping with my mother and found facial moisturizers I'm running out of and have been contemplating ordering online, although they are somewhat pricey and I couldn't really justify buying them at the moment. Lo and behold, when I walked into Winner's, there they were on the shelf (I've never seen them in Newfoundland) for almost half the price I am used to paying for them. A very little thing, but I was thankful and happy nonetheless.
The second instance was when I (stupidly) locked myself out of my apartment this evening. I was thinking of the extra key my landlady gave me and wishing she was home so that I could see if there was another key floating around (I never thought I would be so lucky, but it doesn't hurt to check). It so happened that she was away, but her daughter was home so I went upstairs to look up a locksmith. Shortly after I called him (and was told it would cost me $60), she pulled into the driveway. I explained what had happened and she went over to her friend's house to see if they might have an extra key (they live on the same street and were taking care of the house for her after she bought it and before she moved in). Her friend was also out, but her husband handed us a ring of keys and said that one of them might be for the apartment, he wasn't sure. We walked back over to my place and, as luck might have it, the first one she tried got me in. I said a little prayer of gratitude for whoever/whatever was looking out for me and called the locksmith as soon as I got in. Unfortunately, he had arrived in the driveway by that time and was none to happy about it. I was sincerely apologetic, but he hung up on me anyway.
I suppose while I'm at it, there is a third thing that recently struck me as strange...one day last week, an old professor of mine from my MUN days popped into my head - I can't remember why. Oddly enough, on Friday night's performance of Messiah, I looked over to my left at the audience at one point and guess who was sitting there in the second row? I'm wondering if there is some significance to that and if perhaps he (or what he represents) is somehow a part of the answer to the puzzle of my life I've been trying to put together in terms of my career path and getting employed again. It's something to think about, anyway...
Although there are often weird coincidences that mean nothing on the surface, as one friend said to me a while back, "The signs of life are always there for us if we remember to look for them." It really makes you wonder sometimes...
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Thursday Afternoon Update
OK, so I've been yo-yo-ing a bit with the whole weight loss thing, but I think things are on the decrease again. I reached a new low today - YAY! I got to pre-boyfriend-number-two weight a while ago and went back up a few pounds, but I have broken through the threshold and am now below that. In 8.2 pounds I will be at pre-boyfriend-number-one (yes, there have only been two long terms...and they ate up this decade for me). This excites me almost as much as the fact that there is a new bra store in town (which I have yet to check out). It is about damn time St. John's!!! AH, bliss....I was really wondering what the hell I was going to do when I needed to go shopping for unmentionables and contemplating the shipping costs from my favourite lingerie shop in Kelowna was not pretty...
Alas, I digress...
My mother, God bless her, has been pressuring me to make plans for the holidays. It will be my first Christmas on the island since 2004 and my first single one since I was 20. What makes it weird for me, though, is that my brother will be staying in town with his girlfriend and my parents will be out around the bay...and I have to decide where to be. And for some reason, having to make that decision triggers a very emotional response in me. The thought has crossed my mind to just stay at my apartment solo and see them all at some other point (other than Christmas Day) throughout the holidays, but I can't seem to bring myself to commit to any plan of action yet and I don't see why she insists on hounding me to figure it out.
I have been applying myself to figuring out what it is I want to do with my life in terms of career and so far every thought engenders several more but nothing is really screaming at me, "THIS IS YOUR PATH!!!" How disappointing is that???
After quite a few nasty bumps in the road in a close friendship over the past few months, I am contemplating cutting ties. This is never an easy thing to do and I am certainly not a fan, but sometimes self-protection trumps all. I can't say that I particularly enjoy feeling like someone else's personal punching bag at the moment or that I am being continually judged by someone I considered "friend." You know how the saying goes..."With friends like that..." And, well, when it starts to feel like a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? No, thank you. I wouldn't tolerate that from a boyfriend and so I see no reason why I should cater to it with a friend.
Oh, and that great guy I thought I had met? Turns out he may not be so great after all. Go figure. After a couple of dates and a whole lot of online conversation - in all of which we seemed to totally click and enjoy each other's personalities immensely (read: battle of wits, smile and laughter explosion, complemented with what appeared to be sparkly, googly-eyed adoration coming from him) - I am starting to get the vibe that perhaps he is a bit of a player. Which, I suppose, would account for the incredible acting skills if all that crap wasn't genuine. The boy is good, I'll give him that...but if he thinks I'm going to be one of those girls who is content to hang around on the back burner and soak up any pittance of attention she is paid, he's got a lot to learn. So, currently I'm keeping my eyes and my options open and waiting to see what happens (damn my hopeful optimistic side for choosing to make an appearance in this arena, but I really do like this one and can't help but hope that he IS being genuine and ISN'T trying to play me), but seriously starting to think putting a freeze on exploring romantic interests may be in order again soon. I really wonder what this whole thing is like from the male perspective, given that our brains operate so differently...
Alas, I digress...
My mother, God bless her, has been pressuring me to make plans for the holidays. It will be my first Christmas on the island since 2004 and my first single one since I was 20. What makes it weird for me, though, is that my brother will be staying in town with his girlfriend and my parents will be out around the bay...and I have to decide where to be. And for some reason, having to make that decision triggers a very emotional response in me. The thought has crossed my mind to just stay at my apartment solo and see them all at some other point (other than Christmas Day) throughout the holidays, but I can't seem to bring myself to commit to any plan of action yet and I don't see why she insists on hounding me to figure it out.
I have been applying myself to figuring out what it is I want to do with my life in terms of career and so far every thought engenders several more but nothing is really screaming at me, "THIS IS YOUR PATH!!!" How disappointing is that???
After quite a few nasty bumps in the road in a close friendship over the past few months, I am contemplating cutting ties. This is never an easy thing to do and I am certainly not a fan, but sometimes self-protection trumps all. I can't say that I particularly enjoy feeling like someone else's personal punching bag at the moment or that I am being continually judged by someone I considered "friend." You know how the saying goes..."With friends like that..." And, well, when it starts to feel like a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? No, thank you. I wouldn't tolerate that from a boyfriend and so I see no reason why I should cater to it with a friend.
Oh, and that great guy I thought I had met? Turns out he may not be so great after all. Go figure. After a couple of dates and a whole lot of online conversation - in all of which we seemed to totally click and enjoy each other's personalities immensely (read: battle of wits, smile and laughter explosion, complemented with what appeared to be sparkly, googly-eyed adoration coming from him) - I am starting to get the vibe that perhaps he is a bit of a player. Which, I suppose, would account for the incredible acting skills if all that crap wasn't genuine. The boy is good, I'll give him that...but if he thinks I'm going to be one of those girls who is content to hang around on the back burner and soak up any pittance of attention she is paid, he's got a lot to learn. So, currently I'm keeping my eyes and my options open and waiting to see what happens (damn my hopeful optimistic side for choosing to make an appearance in this arena, but I really do like this one and can't help but hope that he IS being genuine and ISN'T trying to play me), but seriously starting to think putting a freeze on exploring romantic interests may be in order again soon. I really wonder what this whole thing is like from the male perspective, given that our brains operate so differently...
Monday, December 6, 2010
Getting Back Up
If you have been following this blog at all, you already know that it has been a rather rough year for me so far. Granted, everyone has their ups and downs, but I sort of feel like I've been mostly down and often kicked over the past 12 months. I am happy to say that I am now entering a period of renewed strength, determination, action, and optimism. It feels good. It is still a bumpy road and there are still obstacles in my path and decisions that are screaming at me to be made, but I am resilient - a fighter and a survivor, despite being such a whiner sometimes. Let's face it...there are a lot worse things I could have gone through than what I have. However, that is cold comfort when you are the person who is feeling lost and whose life is in utter upheaval.
Progress to date: I am continuing to follow The Artist's Way program, I have booked myself an appointment with a career counsellor, I am performing this weekend in the PCNSO/NSO's Messiah, I am volunteering on the theatre scene and keeping my eyes and ears open for opportunities to get back onstage. I have gotten some calls to sub (although not as many as I would like) and I am actively collecting and organizing writing ideas. I have also lost another few pounds, which feels really good.
In terms of the love life scene, I have processed and healed from the shock I wrote of in my last post. I have also been conversing with a couple of smart and intriguing men online (one of whom I have met and am attracted to on numerous levels - I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will be a chance to explore the possibilities further - as in date and get to know each other better - but I am in no rush to enter into another full blown relationship at this point). I am also kind of interested in finding out more about an acquaintance who has caught my attention.
I found it rather helpful to spend time with a friend of a friend recently who reminded me that being single and 30 does not mean that life is over. It's amazing how you can be acquainted with someone for years and never realize how much you have in common...some talking over wine remedied that situation this weekend and it was incredibly therapeutic (seriously - what would we ever do without our girlfriends?). It also made me realize that I want to savour this opportunity I have created to be a single lady again a little more than I have been (with the exception of all the fun I had this summer - that part was great). It may be my last chance, after all, and I remember a part of me mourning the loss of my single life and living vicariously through others while I was in long term relationships. Still, I was rather surprised at myself when I looked at her life - complete with husband, kids, and home - which I thought I wanted before and which I think I might still like someday, and realize that I don't actually want it right now. It's refreshing and relieving to know that. That's a whole lot of pressure lifted, right there...
And so I leave you with:
(Ok, so the whole song doesn't fit, but the whole not killing you but making you stronger bit works!)
Progress to date: I am continuing to follow The Artist's Way program, I have booked myself an appointment with a career counsellor, I am performing this weekend in the PCNSO/NSO's Messiah, I am volunteering on the theatre scene and keeping my eyes and ears open for opportunities to get back onstage. I have gotten some calls to sub (although not as many as I would like) and I am actively collecting and organizing writing ideas. I have also lost another few pounds, which feels really good.
In terms of the love life scene, I have processed and healed from the shock I wrote of in my last post. I have also been conversing with a couple of smart and intriguing men online (one of whom I have met and am attracted to on numerous levels - I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will be a chance to explore the possibilities further - as in date and get to know each other better - but I am in no rush to enter into another full blown relationship at this point). I am also kind of interested in finding out more about an acquaintance who has caught my attention.
I found it rather helpful to spend time with a friend of a friend recently who reminded me that being single and 30 does not mean that life is over. It's amazing how you can be acquainted with someone for years and never realize how much you have in common...some talking over wine remedied that situation this weekend and it was incredibly therapeutic (seriously - what would we ever do without our girlfriends?). It also made me realize that I want to savour this opportunity I have created to be a single lady again a little more than I have been (with the exception of all the fun I had this summer - that part was great). It may be my last chance, after all, and I remember a part of me mourning the loss of my single life and living vicariously through others while I was in long term relationships. Still, I was rather surprised at myself when I looked at her life - complete with husband, kids, and home - which I thought I wanted before and which I think I might still like someday, and realize that I don't actually want it right now. It's refreshing and relieving to know that. That's a whole lot of pressure lifted, right there...
And so I leave you with:
(Ok, so the whole song doesn't fit, but the whole not killing you but making you stronger bit works!)
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