Something Missing

Try as I might, I can't seem to stay fully in the light. I haven't had a call for work since last Sunday...that's over two weeks. Doubts are creeping in. It's hard to stay positive in the face of no work. Which makes me think it may be time to start thinking and evaluating options again. The scale finally moved. I am down 0.6 today. Ironic, since I binged on Moo Moo's and buttered light rye last night when the rehearsal I'd been looking forward to since last week was cancelled unexpectedly and I was bummed out. I guess we all have ups and downs and this is one of my downs...but maybe it is up to me how far down I allow myself to go. I'm aiming for not far. I much prefer the feeling of being lit up from within. I just need to find it again and hang on for dear life.

In the meantime, is it too much to ask for a visit from the work fairy and the love fairy? That would be ideal! Much as I have been working on myself and my life, I feel like I'm still waiting on both of those to arrive. I try not to focus on it (and for a while I didn't even think about it), but it's still there. What do I need to do to fill those voids completely? Maybe I'm missing my friend or the last guy I was dating (who also started out as a friend and who I sometimes wish had stayed that way)...or maybe I'm just experiencing a lack of Vitamin D. Who the hell knows...Let's just hope it gets better again quickly, shall we?