Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Balance

3 weeks. That is how long it has been since my last post; since I have written anything other than lists, texts, and the odd email. Too long. My world was exploding with activity and it has now come to a momentary standstill. I was calm...happy...invigorated. That is now interspersed with anxiety, confusion, and doubt. Anyway, here's the rundown of updates:

Smoking - it's been over a month with the odd slip here and there...which means a cig or two once a week or two when I am in the company of smokers. I'm not going to beat myself up too much because it is a process and I have made progress from smoking regularly. However, I am still not proud of it and looking forward to being stronger in the near future.

Weight loss - back on the wagon and making an effort to drink more water, make better food choices, and get more exercise. I have been going to various classes (from kick boxing to hot yoga) with a couple of different friends, as well as walking, doing in home workouts and working out with my brother from time to time...whatever I can fit in and whenever I can fit it in with a goal of at least 4 sessions a week. So far, I am down 1.5 lbs. Myfitnesspal has been helping. I downloaded the iPhone app and added a friend who has also been using it. (Side note: I am shocked at how much sugar I actually consume!! :s ).

Work - meh. Up and down. Hard to say. I've gotten calls from 4 different schools so far since the holidays and been to 3 of them. Calls are not regular or consistent and I'm currently in what feels like a slump period. I am hoping it picks back up soon (although I've been pretty sick for the past week or so, so it's probably best I haven't gotten a call in the past few days so that I have a chance to recuperate). I am also in the midst of trying to figure out a path of professional growth to pursue.

Dating - nonexistent. I decided the guy I was dating was not the right one for me and ended it. We still talk and I am glad of that. I still have contact with the guy who wanted back into my life as well, but I haven't been really entertaining the idea of giving him another chance. And the guy who was in NS contacted me to let me know he will be moving back here in the spring. For now, I am content to just be solo and concentrate on me.

Friendships - currently mending fences with the friend I let go last year. We are both in different places now and it seems to be flowing more smoothly so far. However, it's still early in the game. I have also reconnected with a few friends who, sadly, got back burnered due to life in general. And I am having difficulty dealing with the friendship I referred to in this post recently. It is that which is causing me anxiety right now. I had my eyes opened in a big way through a series of events and realized that this was not a healthy relationship for me to be in...and it is a complicated situation. Now I am trying to figure out how to move forward and change the relationship...but it is not easy after over a decade of established habits and routines. Only time will tell what will happen, but I really don't want to go back to the way things were. I can't.

Theatre and choir - the dual loves of my life. I haven't had/been to as many rehearsals in the past couple of weeks and I miss them dearly when they are not there/I am too sick to attend. They keep me busy, they make me happy, they allow me to escape, and they are food to my soul.

Other than that, my family continues to be loving and supportive, and the remainder of my friends continue to be a source of comfort and joy and I treasure each of them for who they are and what they bring to my life. And I am trying to take more control of my finances again and also want to find more time to write and keep on top of taking care of myself and my apartment. Time management was never my strong seems like something always gets sacrificed and falls behind...

Yes, I have come leaps and bounds in this new do I keep it up and make it all balance?


  1. Gosh we are so hard on ourselves BG! You have accomplished so much - ridding yourself of many toxicities - not the least of which was nicotine and relationships which can be so bad for one. I find passion (singing, theatre, writing) fulfills as nothing else can. And working out, and suiting up and showing up where needed.

  2. Thanks WWW. Down 4 lbs now and still working on all of the above!