Monday, August 12, 2013

Self Bombardment

Still no word from the interviewers. I'm actually relieved, as I am still debating which path to take with regards to work/career. At home, I've been trying really hard to be more organized and keep up with everything but it seems my attempts to simplify and keep better track of things are backfiring. Instead, I find that I am creating more work for myself and Boyfriend just dismisses the lists and charts without a second glance. It's frustrating. I feel like all my time goes into trying to manage and maintain the household but I am spinning my wheels. I have yet to do most of the things I wanted to do this summer, and the majority of the season has already slipped through my fingers. I have hardly seen my friends at all and feel alienated. I am just coming out of a very busy week of helping other people out (not to say there was no mutual benefit, because there was) and heading into another that looks to be just as hectic. Then there is the overwhelming feeling of failure and self-displeasure at my recent lack of follow-through. I never was one to say I was going to do something and then not do it, but that seems to be what has been happening of late. The Vancouver Sun Run training, for instance? The one excursion that ended with the odd incident was the only time I did that so far. Where is my ability to do and achieve hibernating? And why, oh why, can I not strike the right balance between everything and keep it there??? Sometimes I wish my brain was incapable of so much thought.

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