Strange Days

I hurt today. Everywhere. Yesterday, I decided to start the Vancouver Sun Run training regimen for learning to run. I'm not planning on running any 10k races in the near future, but I thought it would be a good, structured, routine for me to incorporate into my days rather than just doing whatever exercise I feel like whenever I decide to fit it in. So, off I went...It was pretty uneventful and focused until about the midway point. That's when I noticed an old guy standing in his driveway waving at me. I waved back. Then I realized he was shouting something at me. I paused and removed my earphones. He asked me to come in for a minute. I was wary, but walked closer. He then told me that his wife was "on her hands and knees" and unable to get up; that he couldn't lift her. Still feeling cautious, I followed him to his house and waited for him to open the door. Lo and behold, there was his wife, sprawled on the floor in discomfort (and in a state of partial undress). She was more than a little surprised to see me, but, explaining that she has arthritis in her knees and was unable to get up, accepted my help. Her husband and I managed to get her off the floor and onto a chair in the kitchen, where he sat, too. I felt extremely awkward and was unsure how to proceed, so I simply asked whether there was anything else I could do and whether the wife felt she would now be OK or not. She complained of the heat (and actually stripped off her shirt right there in front of me so that she was now just sitting in her bra, which was even more unexpected, but I kept a poker face and acted like it was a totally normal occurrence for me). She asked who I was and where I'm from and where her husband found me. I matter-of-factly stated my name, my hometown and where I'm currently living, and that her husband had flagged me down as I was jogging by. I asked, once again, if they needed anything more while I was there, was thanked and assured that all was well, and left with a, "hope you feel better soon." What was I to do? How do you navigate that kind of situation?

Needless to say, it kind of took the energy out of the rest of my walk/run and I've been thinking about it  off and on ever since. I keep seeing their faces...it must have been very strange for them as well, to have a stranger come into their home under those circumstances. I hope they have family that can help out if needed. The husband seemed rather shaken and wide-eyed and his hands were trembling. The funny thing is, I was going to cancel my walk/run yesterday when I saw the rain. I even came back inside and took off my shoes. But something told me to go anyway. And I did. Perhaps I was meant to help them for some reason. The route I chose yesterday is normally very busy on nice days, but the only other person I saw out and about yesterday was a man riding a bicycle and listening to music, as well. Weird.

On another note, I have an interview tomorrow morning for a job outside my field. It pays about a third of what I make per hour as a casual worker IN my field. The pros are obviously stability and an opportunity to explore other options. The cons? Well, I'm actually terrified of missing a chance to finally advance my chosen career (I was given some hope a couple of months ago that something might be coming my way in the near future, but it's still a waiting game). I'm scared of committing to something that pays the same or less than I would make on call, but demands more of my time. I'm also filled with fear of the unknown and of making the wrong decision. On top of that, I'm also still considering the cooking on the side business and the possibility of sticking it out doing what I do but trying again to find a part time gig with which to supplement my income. All I really want is to feel like I am being productive, making progress and working towards goals with Boyfriend as effectively as possible...and doing something fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying to get there so I don't get the sensation I am wasting my life. Problem is, half the time I feel that I am wasting my life right now.

My energy has been off for days now. I have been feeling frustrated and isolated and stressing about everything. This is when being a grownup sucks. The neon sign I have been praying for for the past 3 years or so just isn't falling from the sky and the clock never stops ticking.