Dear Santa

I know you couldn't leave what I want most under the tree, but I really hope you see fit to deliver it at some point this year. In fact, that would be very much appreciated.

Dear Blog

I am having a very frustrating and stressful day, and I feel completely and utterly alone...

On the work front, I am not doing as well with subbing in central as I had hoped to this time around, and I don't want to be out here anyway...so I decided to go back to town after the holidays and give it a go in there again. However, a position was just posted that I may have a shot at getting...in central. Since I am in a very real bind financially, being owed money from EI, health insurance, and the school board (and being unable to reach anyone to remedy those things) and being penniless and living in my overdraft at present, this creates a real dilemma for me. I have an interview to see if I qualify for the French sublists in the Eastern District, but I'm not sure how long it will take before I find out. Being approved would up my chances of getting decent sub time in there, I think, but it's never guaranteed. I'm seriously nervous and afraid I won't make it, though. I haven't been actively practicing speaking or writing in French in years and this is majorly intimidating for me. I have no idea what to expect, except that it includes some written and some oral. And whether I do make it or not, I still don't know if I will get enough work to pay the bills and keep myself afloat. So...make more sacrifices to my life and happiness for my finances...or not? You can't really live without money, but making money and not living makes no sense either. Being an adult sucks, sometimes.

Which brings me to the holidays. Last year I pretty much had a meltdown there for a bit contemplating my first one solo in quite some time. This year it's worse in the fact that I can't afford to even get presents for my immediate family, let alone any token for my friends or anyone else. I feel pretty crappy about that, even though I know it's not supposed to be all about monetary stuff. It's just another sad reminder of the state I'm in. When is it going to get better? I ask myself that almost daily at this point...sigh...

As far as dating goes, I'm not really sure what's on the go. I've been contacted by a number of men, but I haven't really been bothering to respond much. I'm just so tired of the flavour of the week/month scene. Don't get me wrong, it was a ton of fun there for a while and I wouldn't trade my experiences or the learning that resulted from them. But I've been unsettled in my career and my love life for long enough now. I would just like some stability, please. I don't know if I will be seeing the guy from this summer or not over the holidays...take it as it comes, I suppose. Likewise with the friend with the blurry lines. I think it's safe to say we are no longer solely in friendship territory, and I'm trying not to analyze and just go with it, but it's difficult. I don't want to hurt or be hurt and I don't know if he's who I've been looking for or not, so it's a struggle. I don't want to put time and effort into anything that's not going anywhere, but it takes time to figure that out and I don't want to write him off just yet. The more I get to know him the better he looks to me, in a lot of ways, despite my reservations. I like him and I care about him and I find myself thinking of him and missing him more often. On the other hand, it feels like the same ol' same ol' in that now that I'm catching up in that department, he seems to be backing off somewhat. Oh, and the friend of a friend who disappeared on me back in September, never to be heard from again? He is apparently moving to town, now. For some reason, this bothers me. I didn't care when I heard he was dating again, but knowing we will be in closer proximity to each other and there's a chance I may run into him doesn't sit well with me.

Finally, my weight appears to be on the upswing since the summer ended. Not too happy about that and hoping to change it pronto. Also hoping to change being a smoker again. I'm not happy about that either, and haven't been since I picked it back up. It makes no sense. But it's where I'm at and I'll save you from the whole ranting spiel I could go into there and simply say I hope to find the motivation, determination, and discipline to kick it soon.

Long story short, I am feeling incredibly down and confused and a lot of things are getting to me, although I know things could be a lot worse. I'm home alone and everyone I would normally talk to is unavailable for some reason or other at present. I'm sure I'll be fine, and I know there are a lot worse things I could have to contend with and I'm very lucky I don't have them on my plate...but I really need a hug right now and just to be told that everything is going to be OK.

Thursday Afternoon Update

OK, so I've been yo-yo-ing a bit with the whole weight loss thing, but I think things are on the decrease again. I reached a new low today - YAY! I got to pre-boyfriend-number-two weight a while ago and went back up a few pounds, but I have broken through the threshold and am now below that. In 8.2 pounds I will be at pre-boyfriend-number-one (yes, there have only been two long terms...and they ate up this decade for me). This excites me almost as much as the fact that there is a new bra store in town (which I have yet to check out). It is about damn time St. John's!!! AH, bliss....I was really wondering what the hell I was going to do when I needed to go shopping for unmentionables and contemplating the shipping costs from my favourite lingerie shop in Kelowna was not pretty...

Alas, I digress...

My mother, God bless her, has been pressuring me to make plans for the holidays. It will be my first Christmas on the island since 2004 and my first single one since I was 20. What makes it weird for me, though, is that my brother will be staying in town with his girlfriend and my parents will be out around the bay...and I have to decide where to be. And for some reason, having to make that decision triggers a very emotional response in me. The thought has crossed my mind to just stay at my apartment solo and see them all at some other point (other than Christmas Day) throughout the holidays, but I can't seem to bring myself to commit to any plan of action yet and I don't see why she insists on hounding me to figure it out.

I have been applying myself to figuring out what it is I want to do with my life in terms of career and so far every thought engenders several more but nothing is really screaming at me, "THIS IS YOUR PATH!!!" How disappointing is that???

After quite a few nasty bumps in the road in a close friendship over the past few months, I am contemplating cutting ties. This is never an easy thing to do and I am certainly not a fan, but sometimes self-protection trumps all. I can't say that I particularly enjoy feeling like someone else's personal punching bag at the moment or that I am being continually judged by someone I considered "friend." You know how the saying goes..."With friends like that..." And, well, when it starts to feel like a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? No, thank you. I wouldn't tolerate that from a boyfriend and so I see no reason why I should cater to it with a friend.

Oh, and that great guy I thought I had met? Turns out he may not be so great after all. Go figure. After a couple of dates and a whole lot of online conversation - in all of which we seemed to totally click and enjoy each other's personalities immensely (read: battle of wits, smile and laughter explosion, complemented with what appeared to be sparkly, googly-eyed adoration coming from him) - I am starting to get the vibe that perhaps he is a bit of a player. Which, I suppose, would account for the incredible acting skills if all that crap wasn't genuine. The boy is good, I'll give him that...but if he thinks I'm going to be one of those girls who is content to hang around on the back burner and soak up any pittance of attention she is paid, he's got a lot to learn. So, currently I'm keeping my eyes and my options open and waiting to see what happens (damn my hopeful optimistic side for choosing to make an appearance in this arena, but I really do like this one and can't help but hope that he IS being genuine and ISN'T trying to play me), but seriously starting to think putting a freeze on exploring romantic interests may be in order again soon. I really wonder what this whole thing is like from the male perspective, given that our brains operate so differently...

Ringing in the New Year

It is shaping up to be a pretty low key day - as I'm sure it is for a good portion of the population who are hungover today; a condition with which we, luckily, have not been afflicted. We are, however, lazing around and working on the last mounds of junk food contraband residing in our apartment after a late night and a (fairly) early rise.

The good news is, we were able to redeem the last moments of 2009 at the Jammies Extravaganza. I have to admit I was a little unsure what to expect going in, but it was exactly what I needed. We were, indeed, comfy in our PJ's (all of which were rated G) and there was a wealth of food, drink and laughter to go around. It was also our first introduction to Cranium (we'd heard about it, of course, but had never gotten the opportunity to play) and it was hilarious. I tried to keep the sketches my partner and I drew depicting "mad scientist" when we went up against each other in the art category, as I thought it was infinitely amusing (and rather eerie too, come to think of it!) that we drew exactly the same things in exactly the same order and arrangement (you know you've been spending too much time with someone when...) but they slipped out of my pocket at some point and went MIA, so you'll have to take my word for it. Suffice it to say, I am glad we decided to go and I am in a much better mood today.

One more thing that came out of the New Year's Eve soiree is that it gave me something to think about. Our lovely hostess from last night also happens to be involved with one of the local papers and mentioned that they may be hiring a reporter (I'm guessing this will be happening in the near future?). She says it would be a part time, supplemental type gig (which I would probably be able to incorporate into my life right now...the only trick would be working it around my partner's work as well since we share the car). Anyway, I've always toyed with the idea of writing for a paper (or any kind of published writing, really) but have never made a move to do it. The closest I have ever come was a couple of years ago when I contacted the editor of the other local paper to ask how one would go about writing for them...but when he came back to me with an email asking if I was interested in filling a need they had for a 'slice of life' column, I bolted. I don't know what it is, but I have always had such an inferiority complex and fear of failure- which is, of course, most pronounced in areas that require me to open myself up to others and put the fruits of my labour out there for all to see and judge. In light of that fact, I also have to admit that I have amazed myself on several occasions by being able to fight it enough to achieve certain things - such as a university education, a career that requires me to interact with the public on a regular basis and, more recently, dabbling in community theatre and choir.

But the written word? That has to be the hardest for me to face (next to singing on stage for an audience...that was a definite toughie to conquer...or at least beat into submission long enough to get through a few performances). It's sad, really. I grew up being so passionate about writing, but so afraid to share what I had written, and was never able to muster the courage to pursue it. It's become buried over the years, but the urge has always lingered somewhere in the back of my head and emerged from time to time, only to be ignored and laid back to rest. And part of it is practicality...I mean, aspiring writers are a dime a dozen, right? You have to be really good to survive and get anywhere. And for that, you most definitely have to be able to believe in yourself and TRY.

So, there's a really long-winded way of saying that I am considering that tidbit of information but am undecided as to what to do with it yet. On the one hand, it could be an opportunity to broaden my resume (the career search is at a bit of a standstill at the moment anyway...), but on the other it scares the hell out of me.

Oddly enough, the day before when the cable guy was here hooking up our new phone and Internet services, he happened to pitch me the idea of doing a show of some sort for the community channel. Apparently he used to be the producer and there is a definite shortage of material at the moment. I can honestly say that is not something I had ever considered doing. I currently have no ideas for a community cable show nor the first idea of how to put one together and make it happen. All the same, it's weird how these two opportunities appeared out of nowhere in such a short timespan. I have always envied people who are able to recognize any opportunity and turn it into a successful venture.

On that note, it has just occurred to me that I am thinking too much today and should probably give my brain a rest until tomorrow, at the very least. I have a few things that need to be accomplished today so I should probably go do them as I have taken the whole day off so far...

To quote from a friend's facebook status, "May the best of 2009 be the best of 2010"

Cheers, everyone!

Humbug!

There, I said it. This has been the loneliest, most UN-Christmas-y holiday I can remember having. I have tried (and failed miserably for the most part) to fake it till I made it for my partner's sake (and my mother's, because I know it bothers her to know I'm unhappy this time of year), but to no avail. I think the stats speak for themselves:

Number of friends/family seen: 0
Number of parties/get togethers attended: 0
Number of Christmas activities participated in: 1 (Candlelight service with my partner on Christmas Eve in the hopes of gaining an infusion of Christmas spirit and good cheer and fighting off the demons of loneliness and depression...which feeling like a total outsider at the church did nothing to alleviate)
Level of Christmas spirit achieved: next to none, and sporadic at best (maybe I spent it all up in October when I was buying and wrapping gifts?)

I am actually at the point where I am totally disillusioned with the whole thing this year. I am ashamed to admit it, but I spent 80% of my time this holiday season sitting around feeling sorry for myself (either alone or with my live-in partner...who is the only other person I've seen this Christmas other than my chiropractor and his secretary) and stuffing my face with junk food (totally counterproductive to becoming more healthy and fit). The other 20% was spent roaming the stores and spending money on things we probably could have mostly done without. I have spent hours on facebook looking at other people's holiday snapshots and feeling glad for them, but lonelier myself and more than a tad jealous I'm sad to say.

Today I was tempted to just pull the covers over my head and stay in bed until tomorrow this time, but I guess there is one last chance to redeem Christmas/New Year's 2009 tonight. We shall see what happens...

I am honestly not sorry to see 2009 go at this point. I guess there must have been some highlights throughout the year worth remembering and mentioning, but I'll be damned if I can conjure them up right now with this storm cloud hanging over my head. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is my musical theatre debut, which was an awesome experience in many ways. Other than that, this year has brought me a lot of anguish and uncertainty and a huge mess to sort out in 2010.

So, in lieu of listing all my Resolutions that may or may not be adhered to in the New Year, I will simply say that it is my wish for it to bring much peace, love, happiness, and success to everyone around me. And for myself...well, a little clarity and forward momentum in all areas would certainly not go astray...

Conversations at Christmas

Brother: So Mom was saying she can't figure out what you gave her for Christmas.

Me: What do you mean?

Brother: Yeah, she said she doesn't understand because all she got was a Bounty bar wrapped up in paper towels in a little box...

Me: Oh my! Don't tell me [the stepdad] forgot to put her gift under the tree! Didn't he tell her what was going on?

Brother: No, I don't think so...she said she looked all over the place to see if she misplaced her gift when she unpacked the parcel, but she couldn't find anything.

Me: Great.

(ring, ring...mom picks up...)

Me: Hi. So did you figure out what your Christmas gift was yet?

Mom: No...I was sitting there watching [the stepdad] open his gifts thinking, "well I must have been a really bad Mom this year"

Me: Put your husband on the phone please...

(Stepfather picks up)

Me: Ummmm did you not think it was a little odd when you were sitting there opening your gifts from us that all Mom had was a bar?

Stepfather: Yeah, I thought it was a bit strange. I helped her look all over the house though and we couldn't find any other presents, and she looked in here too (his parents house) figuring maybe she sent it in by accident but there's nothing here....

Me: Where is the gift certificate your sister picked up for me back in November? You were supposed to put it under the tree?!?!?

Stepfather: (laughing very hard) Oh, s#&*! Well, that's a good one...I forgot all about that! (calling over his shoulder) I know where your gift is! I'll get it for you when we go home! (hahaha)

Me: SIGH...put Mom back on the phone...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a man who hides various cards all around the house, forgets, picks up more, and then finds them the following year when he is looking to stash a new set, forgot to put something he didn't purchase under the tree for someone else. The sad thing is that not only did my stepfather completely forget our conversation about how I was going to send that bar in wrapping paper as a decoy and help Mom look for her missing gift, but when they were visiting his family (who all knew what her gift was), she told them about her confusion and not ONE of them piped up and told her the difference because it didn't dawn on ANY of them!

Ah well, I'm not sure what that says about their memories (or lack of), but it makes for some good comic relief anyway...

Christmas Classics

A quick update, and then on to the good stuff...

Canada Post pulled it off by the skin of their teeth and my family got the rest of their presents and cards. Again - PHEW! The surprise wedding gift went over well - I put together a brochure for a mini-honeymoon and had a gift certificate sent out from The Leaside Manor in St. John's. Apparently I timed it perfectly...the only thing is, they got the certificate in the morning and had to go back to the post office later in the day to get their parcel because they hadn't been sorted yet when they made their ritual daily trip to pick up the mail. Of course, all that did was provide a little mystery and intrigue (since it was unsigned) before the brochure arrived to set things straight so it's all good. My brother and his girlfriend are going to chip in and pay for whatever dining and entertainment or relaxation options they select from the brochure as well, so it should be a good time for them (and I'm quite happy with myself for having such a bright idea in the first place :D).

Ok, so my partner and I have been in the midst of our annual Christmas DVD marathon for the past few days and I figured I would scour You Tube for some clips of our favourites to share on here (in no particular order)

Kids/Cartoons:

1. How The Grinch Stole Christmas (the original is my fave, but I guess the updated Jim Carrey version is ok too)





2. A Muppet Family Christmas





(the Fraggles sing "Pass it On" about 3 minutes in)

3. A Muppet Christmas Carol



4. Rudolph



Other:

1. The Nutcracker (live...not on DVD...and we don't get to see it this year :()





2. Scrooge



3. It's A Wonderful Life




Oh, and FYI, the only Christmas movie I can honestly say I can't stand (although I've never been able to sit through the whole thing because that kid with the glasses annoys the crap out of me):

A Christmas Story (Blech!)

2 Days to Christmas

I finally received the parcel containing all our Christmas gifts yesterday (after getting two expressed ones with cakes, homemade white and raisin bread and Rodrigues blueberry wine - YUM! Thank you mommy :D). Phew! However, the jury is still out on whether my mother will get the one I sent her on the 7th (with the rest of their presents in it) on time :s I have been dying with anticipation for them to get theirs because there is a surprise for my parents in there. I cannot divulge any more information than that until they have opened it, but I am uber excited for their reactions!

Our Christmas plans for this year seem to be tanking...the aunt and uncle living on the lower mainland decided to spend the holidays on the Rock, the annual invite for Christmas dinner hasn't come through yet (we bought our own holiday grub for a quiet dinner at home to be safe) and we just can't seem to make a trip to Alberta to see a couple of friends (which requires 9 hours of driving each way) work time wise. We have been invited to a New Year's Eve pajama party, however (which I am hoping is not a code name for 'orgy' ha ha), so that could be interesting if we decide to go.

My significant other found some frozen dough at the grocery store last week, so we made toutons over the weekend (or tiffins, if you are from Central/Bonavista Bay and possibly other parts of the province). A little taste of home (sort of) before the holidays. Fish and brewis will be on the menu at some point as well. Not exactly heart - or waistline - healthy fare, but 'some shockin good' nonetheless. However, I am feeling a little guilty for eating Lindor chocolates with my breakfast today, followed by a mid-morning snack of Ferrero Rochers. That was perhaps a bit too decadent. I shudder to think what the scale has in store for me after the holidays! ...aaaaaand I just provided myself with the motivation to work out when I finish writing this!

I also took the time to mosey over to Product of Newfoundland earlier and discovered some links and videos in regard to mummering. I was actually searching for some of this stuff online a few years ago to show some people here and was unable to find what I was looking for (of course, I was also not familiar with You Tube at that point).

Anyway...about mummering...the last time I remember seeing real live mummers was when I was in high school. It was a nice, quiet night at my house that was suddenly disrupted by loud knocking at the door. My step-dad answered and found two mummers (looking a tad like distorted shepherds or wise men) on the doorstep. My parents were delighted and we all went downstairs, plying them with chocolates and other treats and trying to figure out who they were. Since they were a little on the "slight" side in build, my stepfather made sure to ask them if they were legal before offering drinks. They assured him they were and so he poured up some rum. It turned out they were a couple of grade 12 guys from my high school (who may or may not have been drinking age), which was a little awkward for the teenaged me at the time of unveiling, but had been great fun otherwise. Come to think of it, that was probably the only close encounter with mummers that I can remember. How sad is that? Although, I do recall seeing pictures of family members mummering in years gone by and it looked like they had a ton of fun...and apparently last year my oldest aunt saw fit to dress up and visit her sisters (or was that for Halloween?). If I wasn't aware of her youthful spirit and thirst for mischief, I might have been worried about Alzheimer's or other aspects of her sanity...as it is, I am just sorry I missed it - according to my mother she actually managed to fool my nan (her mother) and everyone had a good laugh afterwards (I wonder how many Newfoundlanders and Labradorians actually still take part in that particular tradition?).

So, for your enjoyment, entertainment, or education, I give to you:



...which is taken from:

The Mummer's Show/Fortune Bay Christmas , which is a Land and Sea Newfoundland classic (side note: I have stumbled upon various Land and Sea programs from time to time on the tube up here and man do they ever make me well up with homesickness).

I am also including this little tidbit which, according to Robert at Product of Newfoundland, was tres popular but somehow missed my inbox, because I think it's worth a listen:



Happy holidays!

And No Sooner Had She Said the Words...

OK seriously, it was a bit much before...now it is just downright ridiculous. The phone and Internet were down again all day yesterday. The phone miraculously came back today and the Internet followed suit tonight. I am keeping my fingers crossed they will stay up and running until we make the switch at the end of the month and am hoping with all my might that we will have reliable service again then...

On the upside, there are only 10 days left until Christmas (well, 9 I guess if you consider that this one is almost gone). However, my Christmas spirit seems to be on the fritz again this year. I am not the Grinchy type, so perhaps it is the absence of family that makes it a little harder...or maybe it is just not close enough to the day in question for the holly jollies to kick in for me - who knows. For now they come and go and I will say again: It's a good thing my partner has enough holiday spirit for the two of us!

OOOh I almost forgot...I got two bundles of cheer in the mail yesterday - one from a very dear friend and one from my momma containing Christmas cakes and other goodies. Yes, I admit that I am very much spoiled (and it's some good, too)!

Back in Touch

I just finished posting two entries I had previously started and am now posting an update that covers what's been going on since then...

So, as previously noted, I've been disconnected from the world for a bit. Things are finally coming together at the new place (between sickness and work and a couple of days out of town, not a lot has been happening except on the weekends) and after a long and frustrating battle with phone and cable companies, we have been finally been hooked back up.

It all started back on the 29th...I called in to request that our services all be moved to the new address and, seeing how it was a little more last minute than we had intended, expected that it would probably be a few days' wait until everything was up and running. I was surprised on two counts...

Firstly, I was pleased to be informed by the phone company that the move would be implemented the following day and we would be good to go right away. Secondly, the cable company said we would have to wait until the 8th to get our service transferred, which I found kind of irritating and disappointing.

Of course, as it turned out, there were several problems with the phone company while the cable crew stayed true to their word. When we awoke on the 30th to find that the phone was cut at our old apartment, we assumed it had been reconnected at our new one, as per the information we were given. Not so. We waited until Monday afternoon(December 1st) and when there was still no service, I called to inquire as to what was going on. Long story short, 11 days later, after several phone calls and countless hours on the phone with customer service repeating the same information and detailing the problem over and over and over again, a tech was finally dispatched to our place and rewired our jacks because he couldn't figure out what was wrong and we got a dial tone. Apparently, while our phone was down, people had been calling and leaving messages on our voicemail and assuming that we weren't returning their calls and our mailbox, since we couldn't access it at all, was full. Great. Meaning that anyone who called after those first 10 messages was not able to leave us a message and our phone - which wasn't connected - was unable to pick up their phone numbers on the display. Let's hope we didn't miss anything too important! Anyway, thinking that would solve the problem, we were very excited to try the Internet again and very annoyed when it still did not work.....which meant yet another round of calls to the phone company by me. SIGH....

Then next day, all necessary lights were illuminated on our modem and we gave it another go. A self set up screen popped up and I attempted to go through the steps...but got a message telling me it wasn't set up properly. However, I was - and am - still able to get online through our home network and so that's all that matters to me at this point.

We decided after all of this inconvenience and shoddy service that we are going to switch our phone and Internet service to the cable company, which will take effect on the 30th I am told. Financially, this will save us somewhere in the neighbourhood of $40 a month (with the bundle savings, downgrading the long distance plan I have been paying for and not using up, and upgrading the cable) - which was a bit of a shock but definitely a bonus! In the meantime, I have been in contact with the phone company again and managed - on three separate occasions through dealing with three different agents - to get a bunch of money knocked off our last bill - which is also great, but too little too late.

Now...if I can only figure out how to shave some costs off the cell phone bills...and, of course, find a place for all of the things that are still floating around this place without a home...

Again on the upside, I have finished all my Christmas shopping (stocking stuffers included) and there is a light at the end of the card-making tunnel :-) I had gotten a fierce start on all of this back in October, of course, when I shipped the first parcel of presents and whatnot back to Newfoundland, but there was a definite lull in holiday preparations while other aspects of life took centre stage for a bit. The tree has also been assembled and decorated - which my partner began during the first wave of unpacking...good thing one of us is in the spirit (hoping mine will make an appearance soon)!

Ah well, back to it then...

Random Thoughts

1. I am so proud of myself today. I am almost finished my Christmas shopping, I worked out for the first time in ages (so wanting to get back into the routine, and so have not been able to since the decadent summer I enjoyed in Newfoundland), I took care of some stuff I have been wanting to do around the apartment, and I cooked and baked a bunch of stuff for the week. Yay me! (and that is my attempt at - to quote a dear friend of mine "shooting rainbows out my ass" today.)

2. H1N1 shot...indecision reigns. I have been doing a little research on the web and polling for opinions in other blogs and still have not come to any conclusions, except that the people who believe we should all be vaccinated really do express themselves quite vehemently! The thing is, I find it a little hard to separate the reality from the hype about this situation at times and, like all things, you could probably interpret the information several different ways depending on what you want to draw from it. One article I read had virtually convinced me to head out and have a needle jabbed in my arm and what I read from another had me thinking that there really was no need to do that, as H1N1's stats and behaviour are not a whole lot different than your garden variety seasonal flu. For those who are also still undecided, here are a couple of links to information dealing with the issue (I won't include all of the subjective blog posts I have perused):

http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/qa.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/vaccination/general.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/vaccination/vaccine_safety.htm
http://www.who.int/csr/disease/swineflu/en/
http://www.gov.bc.ca/h1n1/
http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/healthfiles/hfile108b.stm

3. Sigh...I am still playing the waiting game while searching for answers and exploring other avenues for jobs and locations. I am someone who likes to be prepared (halt! before those who know me can protest - procrastination and preparedness need not be mutually exclusive in my humble opinion!) and it is getting really annoying going from day to day and not knowing WHAT I am preparing for...I have packed up a bunch of stuff in case of a possible move, but I have no idea when and where we are going as of yet. We have been considering the north, but have not had any luck finding suitable jobs so far and we haven't been able to come up with a solid back up plan if that falls through. We just know that we don't plan on staying here forever and as much as it didn't make sense to move before when we didn't know where else we wanted to be, it also doesn't really make sense to stay here much longer if we don't intend to set down roots.

4. I was reading some articles from the local paper online and the comments that follow some of them are disgusting. I have to say, I was definitely not prepared for the level of racism that exists here. When I first moved to BC, I was expecting to find communities that appreciated the diversity of their citizens and excited to have an opportunity to learn about other cultures myself. The reality, I am finding, is much different. Specifically, I was - and still am - shocked at the tension that exists between natives and non-natives (on both sides), and have been in a few situations where it has made me more than a little uncomfortable. I am sure people with those types of mentalities exist throughout Canada and the world, but I got my first real exposure to it 4 years ago when I moved here and being hit in the face by it several times since has done nothing but disturb me more.

5. Just because a list of 4 things doesn't seem quite right...I am a little perplexed at my inability to produce a decent graham cracker crust....

Coffee is the Enemy of Sleep

I should definitely know better than to drink coffee. It is 2am and I am wide awake after indulging in a homemade cafe mocha at 5pm. What was I thinking?!?! I honestly cannot comprehend drinking cups upon cups of the stuff during the day and not being a total insomniac. How do people's bodies handle caffeine like that? Or perhaps it's one of those things where if I drank it enough I would build up a tolerance...? Either way, I wish I had refrained from indulging today. Guess I should just be thankful it's not a work night. My significant other, on the other hand, who is currently slumbering on the floor in the guise of watching a movie, has had at least twice as much as me today and maybe more. Funny how that works.

On a completely different note, I did manage to get a bunch of Christmas shopping out of the way today. Bonus. I am discovering that it is usually one of two extremes with me...two years ago I ended up having to ship my bundle of gifts home express, which meant coughing up a bigger chunk of change than I would have liked at the post office. Lucky for me, the parcel was late getting there but still in time for the holidays...which meant that my friends and family members were not disappointed and my shipment was free in the end (I complained and Canada Post sent me a cheque...I wish Air Canada was as obliging). This year, purchases, wrapping, and cards to be made, and I can send it to my mother to distribute when the time comes. You definitely have to plan ahead when you are nowhere near the recipients of your gifting...