Unexpected Acts of Kindness

I went on a hike today with a couple of girlfriends. We chilled on the beach and frolicked in the ocean for a bit and took our time enjoying being amongst the trees on the trail on the way back. It was great. We saw a bald eagle and another creature we couldn't quite decide on...the consensus seemed to be either a seal or a sea lion or something. Upon our return to the car, I happened to notice an RCMP vehicle parked next to us...we speculated as to the cause, but none of us had any inkling of the actual reason...

As we approached, the officer (who was uber cute I might add) greeted us and asked for one of us specifically by name. It turns out she had lost her wallet at some point that day (completely unbeknownst to any of us) and a good samaritan had turned it in to the policeman. He, in turn, had driven down to the trail head and ran my other friend's license plate through the system when he saw her parked car. He came to the conclusion that since they have the same last name (they're sisters), perhaps we had come back to look for the wallet and so he waited for us.

Nothing was missing and, in fact, he even produced and returned the Pringles snack pack she had been missing on the hike and assumed she had left in the car. Life sure is strange and wonderful sometimes :)

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Why do guys say things they obviously don't mean? What is the point in trying to play the nice guy with words when the actions contradict those words at every turn? I don't get it. Isn't being honest and respectful with someone preferable to telling them what you think they want to hear only to have them believe you and end up feeling like a moron? Please explain the rationale behind that. It makes no sense to me. It really doesn't. All it does is make them look like bigger jerks than we ever would have thought they were otherwise. Amongst other examples that come readily to mind which other girl friends have experienced, there have now been two separate instances where a 'man' and I had mutually (or so I thought) agreed that we would be friends. I was totally OK with that. I thought they were nice guys and I would have liked to count them amongst my friends. However, both of those 'men' then proceeded to show me that that isn't actually what they wanted (either that or they have no idea what it means to be friends or how to be friends with a girl). SO WHY SAY IT WAS?!?!?!?!? It irritates me to no end. I'm a pretty friendly person and I've had girl friends and guy friends all my life. However, if I am not interested in being someone's friend, I don't say or do anything to make them think otherwise (and I don't mean that I am mean or disrespectful or rude...I just don't encourage them). I guess maybe that's just me. Anyway, let's hope I can now chalk that up to another lesson learned. But seriously - what idiots!!! It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie ran into her exes best friend - an ex who had broken up with her on a Post It. The best friend basically said that men are afraid of women's reactions and Carrie explained that all women want is to be told (face to face in her case) in a way that is respectful and befitting of the relationship and what was between them and the man in question. Is that really too much to ask?!?! I think that episode should actually be required viewing for all members of the opposite sex. Maybe they'd learn something. Then again, probably not.

In other news, I've learned that The Cheating Bastard and his naive girlfriend are moving to Denmark together. I don't get that either. I basically threw him under the bus. Did she not believe me? Does she have no self-respect? Is she crazy? Who knows. I have a feeling she will be in for a rude awakening down the road...but for her sake I will hope that he has actually seen the light and decided to change his behaviour.

The Battle of Head Vs Heart

I've been thinking of him a lot today. The Labradorian. The urge to call him tonight was so strong that I went as far as to look up his number online (I had purposely deleted all his contact information along with removing him from my facebook friends list weeks ago. The intent was to obliterate all temptation to reach out to him. I wanted to erase the sick feeling seeing his name and face engendered in me after I came to the realization that things weren't as they had been between us. Who needs constant reminders of disappointment like that?). I fought it. But it was hard. And he's still on my mind.

It's a little embarrassing to admit that I kept our correspondence (along with one of the voicemail messages he left me...how pathetic is that?). I haven't been able to bring myself to delete it yet and tonight was the first time I allowed myself to reread some of the emails. Probably not a good idea, in retrospect. But I knew that before I started to read (sucker for punishment much?).

I did the math and realized that it's been 6 weeks since the last message. It was one I wrote to him...one that he didn't respond to. And that sent a message of it's own, loud and clear. It's part of the reason I didn't pick up the phone in the end. If he wanted to talk to me he could've called or emailed. He didn't. So why subject myself to further rejection and embarrassment? Why give him the ammunition to take another shot at my pride? I know what I would say to a friend if she was in my position. Somehow that is cold comfort. Yet it is also the thought of appearing weak and stupid in my friends eyes that also halted my hand in it's tracks when it was itching to reach for the receiver. I don't think any of them would actually say that to me, but I wonder if they would think it. I might.

This is relatively new territory for me. Usually if I do get the notion to contact someone like that, it goes away almost as quickly as it came or I can talk myself out of it fairly quickly, at least. Not so in this case. I keep wanting to believe he was different. And the psychic the other day didn't help. He (the psychic) said that The Labradorian was a very pleasant man and that our conversations had been good (tell me something I don't know). He said that The Labradorian might be the one and then again maybe not (vague and inconclusive, I know, but enough to replant the seed of longing somewhat). He said that it couldn't hurt to contact The Labradorian...that if he is The One, things will pan out and if he isn't then they won't go anywhere (genius, no?).

As I said before, I'm not even sure how much I buy into psychic readings and whatnot...but it was enough to up the amount The Labradorian has been on my mind again and to make me start pondering everything again...not that I ever really stopped. Is it just loneliness and lack of another interest that continually brings him to the forefront of my mind and makes me wonder how he's doing and whether he thinks of me? Is that the driving force behind this desire to hear his voice? Is it just that the silly, typical, good girl part of me is wondering whether I did something wrong to cause this and whether there is a way to fix it? Or is it more than that? Should I take a risk? Or should I just give my head a shake and reaffirm (once again) that he obviously was not the right one and isn't worth my time, thoughts, or energy anymore?

I guess I'll resort to doing what I've been doing off and on for the past 6 weeks whenever it's cropped up...sit with it for another night while simultaneously trying to shove it out of my consciousness...but I won't deny that I hope fate decides to put us in the same place sometime just to see what would happen...

There are times when I think that, in some ways, it might actually be better to be a man...