Psychics, Comedians, and Fairs

Happily, yesterday was great. My girl and I spent it together and packed it with fun stuff. We started by visiting a psychic (who was adamant I will marry once and have a child or two, among other things, so perhaps there's still an out from spinsterhood at some point, who knows...). I'm not sure if I buy into that stuff or not, but it's entertaining either way and it kind of does give you something to hang on to and look forward to (provided you are told what you wanted to hear, which I mostly was). The BFF got a good reading as well. Thankfully the guy verified what I've been telling her for months - that her ex wasn't good for her and the best thing she ever did was finally walk away from him. Hallelujah. I might have had some real trouble on my hands if he had said otherwise!

Following that, we went back to her pad to regroup and then took ourselves to Yuk Yuk's for dinner and live comedy. I had the pasta, she had the chicken, and we both topped it off with the cheesecake and a cup of tea (proper party animals, aren't we?). The food wasn't great, but it was OK. I'd recommend the chicken over the pasta I think. She joked that she's sick of looking like a lesbian out in public with me. Let's just say we spend a lot of time together and there have been a few incidents that could have been misconstrued by onlookers...comments taken out of context, tasting each other's food and whatnot. It's a huge inside joke at this point. Might as well laugh! Speaking of laughter...the Yuk Yuk's comedy lineup?...well...not exactly hilarious, but the comics (host Dave Martin and hometown girl Lisa Baker) had their moments and I did laugh quite a bit at some of the headliner, Stephen Patterson's, bits.

After a brief foray into Chapters to peruse the shelves, we decided to go for a drive. I happened to notice lights in the Zellers parking lot on Stavanger and we popped in to jump on a couple of rides at Thomas Amusements. The Catch N Air was decent (lots of laughs punctuated with bursts of screams, mostly from moi, as we realized someone was filming as the ride went by and also that we were probably overdressed for the fair and very likely the oldest customers on the premises), but the Tornado (although we got to enjoy it solo to romantic music playing - what more could you ask?) was rather underwhelming.

The one bad point is that, unfortunately, a few couples came in and sat in the seats directly below us. Why was that bad? Well, because they all (the females especially) apparently deemed it necessary to bathe in perfume and cologne before heading out for the evening. This means that, despite popping allergy pills at the first onslaught and afterwards, I suffered for the rest of the night and continue to suffer today. My nose was running, my throat got all scratchy and irritated, my skin was itching, my voice has been coming and going, I developed a headache, my sinuses are now stuffed, and I've been coughing off and on. Lovely. I just got over the flu and I'm sick again. Most pleasant. Is it that people still remain uneducated about or unaware of this stuff or just that they don't give a shit what effect it has on others? Sigh....so hard not to be bitter and harbour an intense dislike and resentment of these random perpetrators...I will say that the thought, "Thanks for making me sick assholes!" has crossed my mind....I know, I know...people have a right to wear whatever fragrances they like yadda yadda...but I have a right to go to public places as well and hopefully be able to enjoy myself in comfort, do I not? I have been in these situations before and either changed seats or left the venue, but I paid a little more than I'd like to have to up and leave without seeing the show and there weren't any other seats we could move to, so that wasn't an option. I dunno...I think a person's right to be well outweighs someones wanting to smell like a chemical factory...and at the very least, do you really need people to be able to smell you that far away??? Then again, I'm obviously biased. Either way, I seriously hope one day they find out firsthand what it's like to be bombarded by things out of your control that make you ill.

Working On It

I have been trying to take realistic positive steps to improve my mood and my life in general. I'm happy to report that I've kept the cigarette quota to 5-6 for the past week or so and I've been making a concerted effort to slug back more H2O. I've also hit mom's new treadmill for the past two nights and tried to jog for at least half the time I was on there. I am working at eating more fruits and veggies and trying to curb the emotional junk food binges. I've been renewing the job searching efforts as well, and taking more time to read and write. Sleep is still a bit of an issue, but I figure I'm not doing too badly in the grand scheme of things...provided I can keep chipping away at all those things until I get to where I want to be.

Oh, and this is noteworthy: in further attempts to shake the black dog that's been hounding me, I also went in search of some funnies today. I added a list of those sites I deemed worthy of revisiting to my blog. Check 'em out if you need a laugh.

Mr. Furley Lives

This post is a little late in coming, but I feel the need to write today and remembered that I'd meant to write about this...

Spring has sprung. I know this not because the snow has melted and the plants are sprouting. Nope. I know it because my stepfather is preparing for the return of 'his' swallows. According to him, they show up about the same time every year: May 24th weekend. SO, in preparation for this, he stocks up on bird feed (which he has anyway because there are bird feeders out front that he keeps topped up year round...he has actually been known to get out the binoculars and crouch in the window to get a close up of the colourful avians that visit...hence my mother's affectionately dubbing him Mr. Furley from time to time), cleans the birdhouse, and whatever else it entails...I have to admit, I don't keep close tabs on him but he does seem rather busy getting things ready for them. Last year, he tried to put me on birdwatching duty while he and my mother went to Florida for a couple of weeks to visit family. I shook my head and rolled my eyes heavenward, but humoured him a little. How I was supposed to stop sparrows and others from taking up residence before the arrival of his beloved swallows I have no clue. But whatever makes him happy...They showed up and moved in without any interference or encouragement from me so I guess that worked out alright.

This year things were a little different. My stepfather had just started a new job that requires him flying to and from the job site and he was scheduled to be away for May 24th weekend. He didn't let that stop him from securing the swallows for the season, though. No, he went through his habitual birdhouse prepping earlier than normal and rigged up something that made me question why, exactly, he has not been featured on The Red Green Show. What was it, you ask? Well...I really wish I had thought to take a picture. I suppose it wasn't anything too special, but I happen to think it was rather ingenious and hilarious. My stepfather actually put elastics around a rag to fashion a plug for the entrance to the birdhouse. This was also attached to a rope that was secured around the pole atop which the birdhouse sits. He left my mother with the instructions to untie the rope and use it to pull the plug upon the first swallow sighting. There were a tense few days after I had spotted them and she had failed to pull the plug when I teased that she would be fired since the swallows had booked another place when they discovered the hotel was closed...however, they came back and are, happily, now residing in the birdhouse out back...much to 'Mr. Furley's' delight ;-)

Tuesday Afternoon Funny

Well worth a watch if you're in need of a laugh :-)

Tuesday Night Funny

A friend of mine posted this on facebook and I just had to steal it and repost it here because it made me laugh so much. I hope it does the same for you :)



...for the record, I actually like Sean Paul as well :)

Thought For Today

12 Reasons Living Solo Rocks

In random order:

1. You can prance around naked or in your undies whenever you want and for as long as you want without being questioned.

2. Your mess is your own.

3. When you clean up, it stays that way unless you mess it up.

4. There are no disagreements over bathroom time or storage space.

5. Things stay where you put them instead of magically disappearing and reappearing elsewhere.

6. There is no need to consider anyone else's preferences at meal time - make whatever you like and eat it whenever and wherever you like.

7. There are no clashes in taste or opinion when decorating your space.

8. You can sing as much and as loud as you'd like and dance around like a crazy lady with no one the wiser.

9. You can workout without negotiating for the space.

10. There are no annoying video game noises in the background at any time unless you want them to be.

11. The remote control, phone and computer are under your sole control.

12. You can get up and go to bed whenever you want without worrying about or being bothered by someone else.

Email to Make You Laugh Out Loud

In keeping with my renewed efforts to get back in shape...I received a forward from a close friend yesterday that made me burst out laughing several times as I read through it on my BlackBerry. I am glad there was no one else around to see me sitting alone in my car in the dark parking lot waiting to pick up my partner and giggling uncontrollably...the last thing I need is another rumour circulating as to the questionable state of my sanity.

Anyway, it was pure gold and I can't resist sharing it. I hope it tickles all of your funny bones as well, because we could all use a good laugh now and then. It is, after all, the best medicine for whatever ails you!

So, without further ado, here are the contents of the email (hey, it's my blog and I can do what I want with it!):

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week !!


________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT !! It's a whole new life for me.


_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.


_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny little bitch to find me..

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.


Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

__________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.


________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Just For Shits and Giggles

Y'ave probably seen um all before but what odds, right? We all could use a good laugh an' dese ere all made me smile or laugh out loud ;)...

Generation Gap

While I was home this summer, I convinced my parents to get new cell phones. Previously, they had shared an old cast off from my brother and it had long since had its day. My mother and I went and picked them out and got them signed up for a new plan, which included texting. They are now the owners of cells that will easily make them the envy of all the teens in town. After a brief tutorial for each of them, I left them to it to play with their new toys and once in a while I even get a text from one of them.

Such was the case a few days ago when they were out of town and my mother chose texting as an avenue to touch base with me. I read her message and was a little surprised to see it signed "lol Mom." Hmmm, I thought, God love her for trying but I don't think she thinks that means what I think it means. When I talked to them on the phone the following day, I asked my mother what lol means. Her response: Lots of love. I broke the news that I have always known those three letters to signify "laugh out loud," but I guess that explains why my aunt always signs her emails to me that way. And here I thought she was just easily amused...

Insert Letter Here

So I got to do something different and interesting today...I job shadowed somebody for part of their day. It was a nice change of pace and gave me some insight and things to think about. It's part of my "what do I want to be when I grow up" campaign. I am hoping to job shadow others in the near future and am considering a trip to the local employment service center on a quest for enlightenment...or at the very least, some help with my resume.

On a completely different note, I glanced at my moniker a little while ago and it inspired me to share a little story... One of my favourite comfy t-shirts is one that I purchased at Living Planet while home on vacation a couple of years ago. On it is printed the word "Baygirl." This word needs no explanation to any Newfoundlander, but its definition is not exactly blatant to British Columbians. I have joked to others who have been to Newfoundland and know the meaning behind the term that other people here probably think it is a type of perfume or cologne or something. However, what I didn't account for is how the human brain works...An acquaintance of mine here remarked to me a while ago that certain colours look good on me and happened to mention my t-shirt..."you know, the one with 'Baby Girl' written on it..." I wonder how many people are seeing that when they look at my shirt?