As were many Canadians, I was truly saddened by the loss of Jack Layton. On the NL BlogRoll circuit, the evidence is clear:
John Gushue posted this video from The National
WiseWebWoman offered this cartoon
ViewPoint2010 shared Jack's last words to Canadians
and Charlie wrote of his thoughts on Mr. Layton
As someone who is rarely interested in the political scene as much as I (perhaps) should be, there's not a whole lot I can talk about right now in that regard. What I can honestly say is that not many politicians make a really strong impression on me. Jack Layton is one of a select few who did. He inspired my respect, admiration, and thanks. He was a great man and will most definitely be missed.
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Unexpected Compliments
Most of my life, I lacked confidence and self-esteem. Thankfully, that has been steadily improving over the past few years...with no thanks to my exes, who were really not big on compliments. I've come to realize that compliments are important. But only if they are sincere. That was always my problem...I never bought the sincerity of the complimenter in question when it came to me. But I make it a habit to always compliment people sincerely whenever I notice something positive. It might be that I like their smile or hair...it could be that the colour they are wearing suits them or the cut of their clothes is flattering...perhaps it's that they have a comforting presence or a nice voice...but whatever positive it is that I notice, I try to share it. What better way to create some feel good vibes for yourself than by making someone else feel good?
I'm getting better at distinguishing between BS and heartfelt compliments that I am given and accepting them gracefully instead of immediately dismissing them the way I was always wont to do. I guess it was the inability to think highly of myself or believe that anyone else could either.
I digress...
Last night I went to a wedding. I bought a new red dress and borrowed some jewelry from my cousin. I wore my black strappy sandals. I left my hair au natural and spent a little extra time on my makeup. I felt good. And after a few drinks I loosened up on the dance floor and started enjoying myself. A beautiful blonde woman made a point of dancing over to me to tell me I was stunning. I was blown away - I had been thinking the same thing about her. It felt so good to have a total stranger with no agenda say that to me. I thanked her with heartfelt sincerity and returned the compliment. It's nice to be secure enough to compliment others but it's also nice to be secure enough to accept them.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Conversations in the Dark
Me: hi
Cheating Bastard: [blank stare]
Me: no hard feelings, OK?
CB: [pause] since when?
Me: since whenever, man
CB: [with questioning look] why?
Me: because you lied to me and I don't appreciate being lied to.
CB [confused shrug and headshake]
Me: you @$%&ed up. All you had to do was tell the truth.
CB: Man, honestly, I don't have anything to say to you
Me: That's fine. I just saw you and I wanted to let you know that I'm not going to interfere with your night and I expect the same. OK?
CB: [uncertain nod]
Me: K. Have fun
CB: [another uncertain nod]
Me: [smile, turn, walk away]
...and now I wonder why I didn't ask why...but his expression told me that he did get what he deserved...
__________________________________________________________________________________
K: in every break up there is a winner and a loser. Usually the winner wins by a tiny margin. You won by a landslide. He will never forget you and he will never get over this...well...he might get 90% over it, but someday 30 years down the road he's gonna be married and he's gonna be sitting on the couch and his wife's gonna be out somewhere and he's gonna be thinking of you. Guys don't show vulnerability like that either. For him to come out and ask you why...it's been eating at him.
Me: you really think so?
K: Absolutely.
__________________________________________________________________________________
K: [unexpectedly kisses me]
Me: OK, this is awkward. I'm sorry, I can't do this.
K: why's that?
Me: [thinking...ruling out possible answers] I'm just not in a good place right now (partial truth after earlier run in with CB).
K: that's cool.
Me: K. Good. You seem like a good guy and all and I'm sorry for making you feel awkward, but I just can't.
K: that's alright [hugs me]
Me: Well I think I'm going to head home.
K: Really? Well I think you're really cool and I'd like you to stay. We don't have to do anything.
Me: Thanks...but I'm calling a cab and I'm gonna go home (translation: I wasn't born yesterday and I know damned well if I stay you're gonna try).
K: You're gonna leave me here with them?
Me: yup. 'fraid so.
K: The cab won't be here for a little while though...[tries to kiss me again]
Me: No, seriously. I'm going. Later. Have a good night. [all but dashing through the door with my sandals undone]
Cheating Bastard: [blank stare]
Me: no hard feelings, OK?
CB: [pause] since when?
Me: since whenever, man
CB: [with questioning look] why?
Me: because you lied to me and I don't appreciate being lied to.
CB [confused shrug and headshake]
Me: you @$%&ed up. All you had to do was tell the truth.
CB: Man, honestly, I don't have anything to say to you
Me: That's fine. I just saw you and I wanted to let you know that I'm not going to interfere with your night and I expect the same. OK?
CB: [uncertain nod]
Me: K. Have fun
CB: [another uncertain nod]
Me: [smile, turn, walk away]
...and now I wonder why I didn't ask why...but his expression told me that he did get what he deserved...
__________________________________________________________________________________
K: in every break up there is a winner and a loser. Usually the winner wins by a tiny margin. You won by a landslide. He will never forget you and he will never get over this...well...he might get 90% over it, but someday 30 years down the road he's gonna be married and he's gonna be sitting on the couch and his wife's gonna be out somewhere and he's gonna be thinking of you. Guys don't show vulnerability like that either. For him to come out and ask you why...it's been eating at him.
Me: you really think so?
K: Absolutely.
__________________________________________________________________________________
K: [unexpectedly kisses me]
Me: OK, this is awkward. I'm sorry, I can't do this.
K: why's that?
Me: [thinking...ruling out possible answers] I'm just not in a good place right now (partial truth after earlier run in with CB).
K: that's cool.
Me: K. Good. You seem like a good guy and all and I'm sorry for making you feel awkward, but I just can't.
K: that's alright [hugs me]
Me: Well I think I'm going to head home.
K: Really? Well I think you're really cool and I'd like you to stay. We don't have to do anything.
Me: Thanks...but I'm calling a cab and I'm gonna go home (translation: I wasn't born yesterday and I know damned well if I stay you're gonna try).
K: You're gonna leave me here with them?
Me: yup. 'fraid so.
K: The cab won't be here for a little while though...[tries to kiss me again]
Me: No, seriously. I'm going. Later. Have a good night. [all but dashing through the door with my sandals undone]
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Why do guys say things they obviously don't mean? What is the point in trying to play the nice guy with words when the actions contradict those words at every turn? I don't get it. Isn't being honest and respectful with someone preferable to telling them what you think they want to hear only to have them believe you and end up feeling like a moron? Please explain the rationale behind that. It makes no sense to me. It really doesn't. All it does is make them look like bigger jerks than we ever would have thought they were otherwise. Amongst other examples that come readily to mind which other girl friends have experienced, there have now been two separate instances where a 'man' and I had mutually (or so I thought) agreed that we would be friends. I was totally OK with that. I thought they were nice guys and I would have liked to count them amongst my friends. However, both of those 'men' then proceeded to show me that that isn't actually what they wanted (either that or they have no idea what it means to be friends or how to be friends with a girl). SO WHY SAY IT WAS?!?!?!?!? It irritates me to no end. I'm a pretty friendly person and I've had girl friends and guy friends all my life. However, if I am not interested in being someone's friend, I don't say or do anything to make them think otherwise (and I don't mean that I am mean or disrespectful or rude...I just don't encourage them). I guess maybe that's just me. Anyway, let's hope I can now chalk that up to another lesson learned. But seriously - what idiots!!! It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie ran into her exes best friend - an ex who had broken up with her on a Post It. The best friend basically said that men are afraid of women's reactions and Carrie explained that all women want is to be told (face to face in her case) in a way that is respectful and befitting of the relationship and what was between them and the man in question. Is that really too much to ask?!?! I think that episode should actually be required viewing for all members of the opposite sex. Maybe they'd learn something. Then again, probably not.
In other news, I've learned that The Cheating Bastard and his naive girlfriend are moving to Denmark together. I don't get that either. I basically threw him under the bus. Did she not believe me? Does she have no self-respect? Is she crazy? Who knows. I have a feeling she will be in for a rude awakening down the road...but for her sake I will hope that he has actually seen the light and decided to change his behaviour.
In other news, I've learned that The Cheating Bastard and his naive girlfriend are moving to Denmark together. I don't get that either. I basically threw him under the bus. Did she not believe me? Does she have no self-respect? Is she crazy? Who knows. I have a feeling she will be in for a rude awakening down the road...but for her sake I will hope that he has actually seen the light and decided to change his behaviour.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Recommended Reading for Single Girls
After talking to several different guy friends and my darling brother off and on over the past year (using them as sounding boards, if you will), I noticed there was very much a common theme in a lot of what they were telling me...and it was not what the average guy would want you to know or even admit to. It allowed me to look at things in a different light and I'm very glad they helped refresh my understanding of the male brain and open my eyes to some realizations that had never fully computed prior to now. It also inspired me to enrich my library with some new reading material that seemed to be in agreement with their words of wisdom but perhaps a little more in depth and eloquently put - besides, it never hurts to have that stuff in writing so you can remind yourself (or smack yourself in the head or whatever) whenever the occasion requires. So, without further ado, I pass this knowledge on to you (ESPECIALLY if you don't have any guys in your life brave enough to be straight and candid with you when you go looking for their opinions/advice).
If you, my single sisters, are tired of the crap and willing to learn and be enlightened, do yourselves a favour - get these and make them your Bibles:
Why Men Love Bitches
and/or
Why Men Marry Bitches (I think I mentioned these previously in a post somewhere)
and
He's Just Not That Into You
I will, of course, add to the list at a later date if I discover others I would consider essential guides for single women everywhere...
If you, my single sisters, are tired of the crap and willing to learn and be enlightened, do yourselves a favour - get these and make them your Bibles:
Why Men Love Bitches
and/or
Why Men Marry Bitches (I think I mentioned these previously in a post somewhere)
and
He's Just Not That Into You
I will, of course, add to the list at a later date if I discover others I would consider essential guides for single women everywhere...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Is "Newfie" the Newest 'N' Word?
A few months ago, I read this post by Nadine at Missing The Rock. I left my "two cents worth" afterwards, but it got me thinking that perhaps I should elaborate a little on my own experience and add it to the conglomeration of writings on the subject already. I have hesitated to be a pot-stirrer and post on the subject, but it has recently come up again in my own personal life and so I thought it might be time to get this off my chest.
When I was growing up in Newfoundland, the term 'Newfie' was thrown around quite a bit and I never gave it any thought. I certainly never stopped to consider that it could be considered derogatory - I had never been exposed to anyone who had used it in such a way. It was simply a word we utilized to describe ourselves - a shortened form of 'Newfoundlander,' that contained all the same implicit imagery of home, the roots of our colourful culture, and the pride associated with being from our beautiful island, as found in the long version. It was a label applied to the shared aspects of our identity and that was all. As for 'Newfie' jokes, well, they were just harmless fun that mostly depicted our ingenuity or proved that we had a sense of humour and were simultaneously secure and humble enough to laugh at ourselves.
When I moved away, I bandied the word about with more pride than I had ever felt while living at home; I had never really embraced my Newfoundland roots until I left the island. In fact, being from "the Bay" was almost a source of embarrassment for a time when I was thrown into the mix with all the "Townies" at MUN. There was certainly some friction between our respective student communities at the university at times (then again there was also an issue with people from Mount Pearl as a separate entity as well, but that's a whole other ball game). I suspect this mutual slightly pejorative use of the terms "Bayman" and "Townie" varied largely between individuals and was not really an accurate reflection of the student population as a whole. However, I fast became aware that we "Baymen" were very much looked down upon by a faction of our fellow Islanders and learned to minimalize the more easily identifiable aspects of my accent to blend in and avoid being branded and scoffed at (a topic which I will talk more about at a later date). However, when I was with people from "out around the bay" I could let go of those self-imposed constraints and be free to let it all hang out and be who I was, so to speak. Of course, there were also those times when it was simply curious to find out that some of the words in regular rotation in my vocabulary were not in residence in those of my academic colleagues. I remember well the first time I said something that someone did not understand - it was my rude 18-year-old awakening that parts of my speech (aside from the obvious slang) were, in actuality, not standard English...but I digress...
Then, as I mentioned, came BC. Once I got over the initial culture shock I experienced after being displaced, I embraced my uniqueness and clung to my identity for all it was worth, feeling, at times, isolated and alone amongst a different breed of people altogether. It was then that I actually started to develop a fondness for "Newfie" music - which, ironically, I previously couldn't stand - because it brought me some comfort from home. For the most part, I was trying to learn about the new culture in which I found myself immersed and still didn't stop to think of any other connotations associated with "Newfie," proudly admitting to being one every chance I got. However, I did start to notice the scatter reaction from some when they learned where I was from that seemed a little less than flattering but without being blatantly obvious. Mostly, though, there were just a bunch of the typical humourous incidents when language barriers got in the way (luckily there were a couple of Nova Scotians in our midst who were pretty good at translating when the need arose) and were later laughed at by all parties involved....
...And then came a day when a young teenager quite seriously referred to me as a "goofy Newfie" (incidentally, there is a restaurant called the Goofie Newfie in Fergus, Ontario, which I am sure doesn't help matters for their local population of displaced Newfoundlanders and Labradorians who may take issue with the term). I was shocked. I mean, this kid clearly got that from an adult somewhere along the way, because I am pretty sure he hadn't been exposed to many Newfoundlanders in the area we were in, nor able to come up with that assessment or term on his own. I didn't let it bother me too much, because I knew him to be a very angry youth with deeper problems than I had ever known...but at the same time it made me a little uncomfortable to know that there were obviously those adults in the community who held those beliefs about us. Still, it was the "goofy" and the tone of voice in which it was delivered that made me take offence at all.
Fast forward to the following summer when we were visiting friends of ours in the Toronto area..We were out sightseeing one hot day and happened to stop and get some soft serve ice cream (the 'custard cones' of my youth) at an ice cream truck. The man who served us noticed that my friend was wearing a T-Shirt with a print of the map of the island portion of Newfoundland on it (isn't it funny how that image speaks to us and evokes such strong feelings?) and asked if that was, indeed, from where we hailed. At our satisfied confirmation, he proceeded to make digs and crack jokes about Newfoundlanders, asking how many drinks we had had already that day (it was before noon) as a parting shot as we walked away. I took it all in stride but, a little dumbfounded, turned to my friend and asked, "did he just say what I thought he said?" "Yes," she replied, shaking her head, "You wouldn't believe how much of that crap I have to put up with here."
Now, you may think I am a bit slow - and in retrospect, perhaps I was - but the meaning I associated with "Newfie" was so ingrained in me that it still did not fully occur to me that it was not necessarily a self-explanatory, complimentary thing to be called...that, contrary to being respected as hailing from a unique, colourful, and proud group of people by the world at large when they found out where I was born and raised, "Newfie" might actually be thrown at me as an insult. I mean, I'm not a completely oblivious individual, but I definitely came from a very sheltered upbringing and suffered from acute naivete for a good portion of my life. I just didn't really give credence to the fact that there might be that kind of inter-provincial prejudice in my country (I don't count a sense of competitiveness or light-hearted jabs as evidence of prejudice). I suppose that was utterly dumb of me, thinking back to the views some easterners have of westerners as well, but I didn't really take that seriously, having my own bias as an Atlantic Canadian. Having said that, there is not a widely known term applied to any of the other provinces' citizens to my knowledge (aside from the labels applied to French-speaking Canadians by some ignorants).
Anyway, flash forward again to last winter when I was searching for a place to get some down-home grub on the west coast. I figured I'd look in Vancouver would probably be the most likely spot and, as we were planning a trip there in the near future to see some extended family, it would be ideal to bring them with us. I did happen to find The Newfie Tap and Grill (which is, in fact, now called the Atlantic Trap and Gill and which I wouldn't necessarily recommend, as we were sadly disappointed. Their online menu is outdated and the food we had didn't much resemble east coast fare in presentation, quality or taste) but during my online travels I also stumbled upon a site where some Vancouverites were debating whether or not we like being called "Newfies" because some of us take offense to it. That was the first time I really fully opened my eyes, but, again, I was incredulous and stunned. What? There are Newfoundlanders who don't like being called "Newfies"? When did that happen? Why? Aren't they proud of where they are from? Geez...oversensitive much? That's just being silly!
There was also an article I read online - which I cannot find for the life of me right now - about some incidents in St. John's whereby someone had the nerve to spray paint "Stupid Newfies" in various locations, which I thought was absolutely awful. There is no arguing that something is meant to be pejorative when preceeded by a descriptor such as "stupid." Of course, the article sparked a huge debate and a long list of feedback comments from all over the country, some of which were quite interesting to read to garner the differing perspectives of Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, ex-pats, and the rest of the country.
I have been in my current locale for over 3 years, and I have to say I am very aware of these things now. The prior incidents - few and far between, for the most part - have taken on new meaning for me: My first boss here, who has a great sense of humour and whom I still love dearly, crossed the line one day by making a dig about 'lazy Newfies,' which got my back up...when I was doing my first play here, another actor found it quite amusing to regale me with Newfie jokes galore (which really grated on my nerves)...and more recently, when the cable guy came to hook us up at our new apartment, he immediately went to the topic of Newfie jokes when he spied some tell-tale elements of our decor. I quickly stopped him before he could start by relating a joke I had just picked up a couple of days earlier from Steve at Oh Me Nerves. I think he got the point. We then ended up discussing the various forms of prejudice we had both witnessed over the years towards various segments of the population, and he pointed out that Newfie jokes are no more than your run of the mill fill in the blank jokes that can be used to poke fun at just about any group of people and I shared that there are jokes in circulation in Newfoundland that exchange the roles of Newfoundlanders and mainlanders as well.
Anyway, I have done my homework over the past year and discovered that what I once considered an innocent source of pride has very disturbing connotations for many, and that the debate still rages on, as evidenced here at Todd's blog, here on a facebook group, here at Squidoo, here and here at cbc.ca, as well as any number of other examples posted on the web. In fact, there are even definitions of the word Newfie at Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary.
As for myself, well, I have been increasingly careful about my usage of the term in the last couple of years and I can't un-see or un-hear all of those things since having opened my eyes. Taken from another Newfoundlander I don't have as much of a problem with it (and I guess this is the basis some have used to contend that "Newfie" is similar to the other N word in circulation, whereby it is acceptable from peers who share the same - for lack of a better word at the moment - classification, but not from outsiders). After all, we are all entitled to our own thoughts, feelings and opinions and I was once with them in my beliefs...However, I cringe when I see or hear it used in the presence of non-Newfoundlanders because I am aware of what some of them may read into it now and I do not take kindly to being looked upon as a laughingstock. I am now very attuned to people's reactions to me once they have learned of my home province and I have to say that they have been very mixed, indeed. So, are there those who are prejudiced against Newfoundlanders and Labradorians? Absolutely. Is all of that summed up in the use of the word "Newfie"? Probably not. But I hesitate to apply it anymore, nonetheless.
When I was growing up in Newfoundland, the term 'Newfie' was thrown around quite a bit and I never gave it any thought. I certainly never stopped to consider that it could be considered derogatory - I had never been exposed to anyone who had used it in such a way. It was simply a word we utilized to describe ourselves - a shortened form of 'Newfoundlander,' that contained all the same implicit imagery of home, the roots of our colourful culture, and the pride associated with being from our beautiful island, as found in the long version. It was a label applied to the shared aspects of our identity and that was all. As for 'Newfie' jokes, well, they were just harmless fun that mostly depicted our ingenuity or proved that we had a sense of humour and were simultaneously secure and humble enough to laugh at ourselves.
When I moved away, I bandied the word about with more pride than I had ever felt while living at home; I had never really embraced my Newfoundland roots until I left the island. In fact, being from "the Bay" was almost a source of embarrassment for a time when I was thrown into the mix with all the "Townies" at MUN. There was certainly some friction between our respective student communities at the university at times (then again there was also an issue with people from Mount Pearl as a separate entity as well, but that's a whole other ball game). I suspect this mutual slightly pejorative use of the terms "Bayman" and "Townie" varied largely between individuals and was not really an accurate reflection of the student population as a whole. However, I fast became aware that we "Baymen" were very much looked down upon by a faction of our fellow Islanders and learned to minimalize the more easily identifiable aspects of my accent to blend in and avoid being branded and scoffed at (a topic which I will talk more about at a later date). However, when I was with people from "out around the bay" I could let go of those self-imposed constraints and be free to let it all hang out and be who I was, so to speak. Of course, there were also those times when it was simply curious to find out that some of the words in regular rotation in my vocabulary were not in residence in those of my academic colleagues. I remember well the first time I said something that someone did not understand - it was my rude 18-year-old awakening that parts of my speech (aside from the obvious slang) were, in actuality, not standard English...but I digress...
Then, as I mentioned, came BC. Once I got over the initial culture shock I experienced after being displaced, I embraced my uniqueness and clung to my identity for all it was worth, feeling, at times, isolated and alone amongst a different breed of people altogether. It was then that I actually started to develop a fondness for "Newfie" music - which, ironically, I previously couldn't stand - because it brought me some comfort from home. For the most part, I was trying to learn about the new culture in which I found myself immersed and still didn't stop to think of any other connotations associated with "Newfie," proudly admitting to being one every chance I got. However, I did start to notice the scatter reaction from some when they learned where I was from that seemed a little less than flattering but without being blatantly obvious. Mostly, though, there were just a bunch of the typical humourous incidents when language barriers got in the way (luckily there were a couple of Nova Scotians in our midst who were pretty good at translating when the need arose) and were later laughed at by all parties involved....
...And then came a day when a young teenager quite seriously referred to me as a "goofy Newfie" (incidentally, there is a restaurant called the Goofie Newfie in Fergus, Ontario, which I am sure doesn't help matters for their local population of displaced Newfoundlanders and Labradorians who may take issue with the term). I was shocked. I mean, this kid clearly got that from an adult somewhere along the way, because I am pretty sure he hadn't been exposed to many Newfoundlanders in the area we were in, nor able to come up with that assessment or term on his own. I didn't let it bother me too much, because I knew him to be a very angry youth with deeper problems than I had ever known...but at the same time it made me a little uncomfortable to know that there were obviously those adults in the community who held those beliefs about us. Still, it was the "goofy" and the tone of voice in which it was delivered that made me take offence at all.
Fast forward to the following summer when we were visiting friends of ours in the Toronto area..We were out sightseeing one hot day and happened to stop and get some soft serve ice cream (the 'custard cones' of my youth) at an ice cream truck. The man who served us noticed that my friend was wearing a T-Shirt with a print of the map of the island portion of Newfoundland on it (isn't it funny how that image speaks to us and evokes such strong feelings?) and asked if that was, indeed, from where we hailed. At our satisfied confirmation, he proceeded to make digs and crack jokes about Newfoundlanders, asking how many drinks we had had already that day (it was before noon) as a parting shot as we walked away. I took it all in stride but, a little dumbfounded, turned to my friend and asked, "did he just say what I thought he said?" "Yes," she replied, shaking her head, "You wouldn't believe how much of that crap I have to put up with here."
Now, you may think I am a bit slow - and in retrospect, perhaps I was - but the meaning I associated with "Newfie" was so ingrained in me that it still did not fully occur to me that it was not necessarily a self-explanatory, complimentary thing to be called...that, contrary to being respected as hailing from a unique, colourful, and proud group of people by the world at large when they found out where I was born and raised, "Newfie" might actually be thrown at me as an insult. I mean, I'm not a completely oblivious individual, but I definitely came from a very sheltered upbringing and suffered from acute naivete for a good portion of my life. I just didn't really give credence to the fact that there might be that kind of inter-provincial prejudice in my country (I don't count a sense of competitiveness or light-hearted jabs as evidence of prejudice). I suppose that was utterly dumb of me, thinking back to the views some easterners have of westerners as well, but I didn't really take that seriously, having my own bias as an Atlantic Canadian. Having said that, there is not a widely known term applied to any of the other provinces' citizens to my knowledge (aside from the labels applied to French-speaking Canadians by some ignorants).
Anyway, flash forward again to last winter when I was searching for a place to get some down-home grub on the west coast. I figured I'd look in Vancouver would probably be the most likely spot and, as we were planning a trip there in the near future to see some extended family, it would be ideal to bring them with us. I did happen to find The Newfie Tap and Grill (which is, in fact, now called the Atlantic Trap and Gill and which I wouldn't necessarily recommend, as we were sadly disappointed. Their online menu is outdated and the food we had didn't much resemble east coast fare in presentation, quality or taste) but during my online travels I also stumbled upon a site where some Vancouverites were debating whether or not we like being called "Newfies" because some of us take offense to it. That was the first time I really fully opened my eyes, but, again, I was incredulous and stunned. What? There are Newfoundlanders who don't like being called "Newfies"? When did that happen? Why? Aren't they proud of where they are from? Geez...oversensitive much? That's just being silly!
There was also an article I read online - which I cannot find for the life of me right now - about some incidents in St. John's whereby someone had the nerve to spray paint "Stupid Newfies" in various locations, which I thought was absolutely awful. There is no arguing that something is meant to be pejorative when preceeded by a descriptor such as "stupid." Of course, the article sparked a huge debate and a long list of feedback comments from all over the country, some of which were quite interesting to read to garner the differing perspectives of Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, ex-pats, and the rest of the country.
I have been in my current locale for over 3 years, and I have to say I am very aware of these things now. The prior incidents - few and far between, for the most part - have taken on new meaning for me: My first boss here, who has a great sense of humour and whom I still love dearly, crossed the line one day by making a dig about 'lazy Newfies,' which got my back up...when I was doing my first play here, another actor found it quite amusing to regale me with Newfie jokes galore (which really grated on my nerves)...and more recently, when the cable guy came to hook us up at our new apartment, he immediately went to the topic of Newfie jokes when he spied some tell-tale elements of our decor. I quickly stopped him before he could start by relating a joke I had just picked up a couple of days earlier from Steve at Oh Me Nerves. I think he got the point. We then ended up discussing the various forms of prejudice we had both witnessed over the years towards various segments of the population, and he pointed out that Newfie jokes are no more than your run of the mill fill in the blank jokes that can be used to poke fun at just about any group of people and I shared that there are jokes in circulation in Newfoundland that exchange the roles of Newfoundlanders and mainlanders as well.
Anyway, I have done my homework over the past year and discovered that what I once considered an innocent source of pride has very disturbing connotations for many, and that the debate still rages on, as evidenced here at Todd's blog, here on a facebook group, here at Squidoo, here and here at cbc.ca, as well as any number of other examples posted on the web. In fact, there are even definitions of the word Newfie at Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary.
As for myself, well, I have been increasingly careful about my usage of the term in the last couple of years and I can't un-see or un-hear all of those things since having opened my eyes. Taken from another Newfoundlander I don't have as much of a problem with it (and I guess this is the basis some have used to contend that "Newfie" is similar to the other N word in circulation, whereby it is acceptable from peers who share the same - for lack of a better word at the moment - classification, but not from outsiders). After all, we are all entitled to our own thoughts, feelings and opinions and I was once with them in my beliefs...However, I cringe when I see or hear it used in the presence of non-Newfoundlanders because I am aware of what some of them may read into it now and I do not take kindly to being looked upon as a laughingstock. I am now very attuned to people's reactions to me once they have learned of my home province and I have to say that they have been very mixed, indeed. So, are there those who are prejudiced against Newfoundlanders and Labradorians? Absolutely. Is all of that summed up in the use of the word "Newfie"? Probably not. But I hesitate to apply it anymore, nonetheless.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
From the East to the West
So I got to thinking the other day about various stuff I have encountered since I've been "Out West," and while there are some things that I have totally appreciated, there are others that I truly just don't get. I decided to short list a few for shits and giggles...
Things I enjoy:
1. The different landscapes. Love 'em. They're beautiful, and I have a bijillion pictures from all over the place to prove it. The mountains have become a part of me, just like the ocean always has been.
2. The fresh mountain air (which does NOT exist everywhere - read: mills galore - and will never replace the salty tang of the air in the North Atlantic). I am not sure how to describe it at the moment, but it is quite refreshing and rejuvenating in a way I've not experienced elsewhere.
3. The attitude that anything is possible (for the most part). There just seems to be a different kind of reality here. Instead of the pervasive, ingrained belief that things are unrealistic and unattainable, people see opportunities and possibilities, grab them and go for it!
4. There are four seasons and they actually occur when they are supposed to. It's a nice change to go through the cycle of winter, spring, summer, fall and experience each during the time frame in which it is supposed to come and go (instead of 3/4 of the year being winter, with a touch of the other three seasons thrown in just for appearances sake).
5. The increased ability to travel. Obviously, being on the Mainland offers advantages in this area...immediately, you eliminate the need to get off an island to go anywhere which makes things infinitely less complicated and more accessibile. You can reach more places by driving, and flights, in general, are cheaper (unless you are flying back east for a visit, that is...)
And now for the things that befuddle me:
1. I do not and will not ever understand what would drive someone to put sliced/chopped up mystery deli sandwich meat on top of Chinese food and serve it. However, I have encountered it in several places in BC and after several disappointing trial and error sessions and having to frown at my food, screw up my face, tutt, sigh, and pick it all off, I decided to boycott Chinese restaurants anywhere north of Vancouver (unless specifically recommended, in which case I may cautiously take a deep breath and give it a go) just in case...
2. I fail to comprehend why so many people feel the need to possess a dually or any other huge truck for that matter. I'm sorry, but there is no way THAT MANY people own and/or help operate a ranch/farm or have some other job-related issue that requires them to drive one of those gas-guzzling, atmosphere polluting beasts (which also apparently entitles the owner to monopolize the road at all times). Why else would you need one? It just irks me.
3. Passing lane etiquette in BC. 'Nough said (...but for the "Easterners" - read: anyone who resides anywhere past Saskatchewan - who may not know what I am talking about, I will briefly explain that when you see a passing lane, no matter how slow you are going beforehand, it means "GIVE 'ER!!!!!" If you see someone who looks like they may be attempting to pass you, stamp down on the gas until the passing lane ends, at which time you can slam on the brakes again and agitate them by forcing them to stay behind and follow you. Do this repeatedly). In Alberta, the issue seems to be an inability to drive below 140 or merge in traffic.
4. Newfoundland = Nova Scotia = New Brunswick. Yep, they're all the same place, and all included in "The Maritimes"...along with PEI of course - didn't you know? Totally interchangeable! The Annapolis Valley? Right next to St. John's, of course! ...and a person who is from Nova Scotia is called a Newfie, just like a Newfoundlander must be from Nova Scotia, right? Unless New Brunswick comes to mind first, that is...
5. The widespread inability to pronounce "Newfoundland" correctly...even when provided with repeated examples from a native Newfoundlander. Rhymes with "understand." Is it really that hard? I mean seriously, do I walk around calling this place "BRIGHT-ish Column-BEE-ah???" Honestly!!!
Now, in all fairness, I know there are things about Eastern Canadians that throw westerners off too (I personally find it makes my life easier to neutralize my accent and delete certain words and phrases from my speech when I am not at home, as a preventative measure, for starters). Hell, there are things that boggle my mind and I am from there!
Yes, there's no doubt those who have ventured east have probably been smacked in the face by our quirks just as much as we are by theirs (although I do think the eastern provinces offer up more fodder as they are more diverse than the western ones in my humble opinion. I can't really speak for central or the territories). However, I am also sure our western visitors have taken away things that have pleasantly surprised and enlightened them, just like I have out here.
Anyway - no matter how you slice it - easterners and westerners are just DIFFERENT. It's important to be aware of those differences (let's face it - some people are just plain oblivious), and celebrate that diversity and uniqueness as much as possible while remembering to afford others our respect...even if we do feel the need to walk away shaking our heads and rolling our eyes sometimes.
Things I enjoy:
1. The different landscapes. Love 'em. They're beautiful, and I have a bijillion pictures from all over the place to prove it. The mountains have become a part of me, just like the ocean always has been.
2. The fresh mountain air (which does NOT exist everywhere - read: mills galore - and will never replace the salty tang of the air in the North Atlantic). I am not sure how to describe it at the moment, but it is quite refreshing and rejuvenating in a way I've not experienced elsewhere.
3. The attitude that anything is possible (for the most part). There just seems to be a different kind of reality here. Instead of the pervasive, ingrained belief that things are unrealistic and unattainable, people see opportunities and possibilities, grab them and go for it!
4. There are four seasons and they actually occur when they are supposed to. It's a nice change to go through the cycle of winter, spring, summer, fall and experience each during the time frame in which it is supposed to come and go (instead of 3/4 of the year being winter, with a touch of the other three seasons thrown in just for appearances sake).
5. The increased ability to travel. Obviously, being on the Mainland offers advantages in this area...immediately, you eliminate the need to get off an island to go anywhere which makes things infinitely less complicated and more accessibile. You can reach more places by driving, and flights, in general, are cheaper (unless you are flying back east for a visit, that is...)
And now for the things that befuddle me:
1. I do not and will not ever understand what would drive someone to put sliced/chopped up mystery deli sandwich meat on top of Chinese food and serve it. However, I have encountered it in several places in BC and after several disappointing trial and error sessions and having to frown at my food, screw up my face, tutt, sigh, and pick it all off, I decided to boycott Chinese restaurants anywhere north of Vancouver (unless specifically recommended, in which case I may cautiously take a deep breath and give it a go) just in case...
2. I fail to comprehend why so many people feel the need to possess a dually or any other huge truck for that matter. I'm sorry, but there is no way THAT MANY people own and/or help operate a ranch/farm or have some other job-related issue that requires them to drive one of those gas-guzzling, atmosphere polluting beasts (which also apparently entitles the owner to monopolize the road at all times). Why else would you need one? It just irks me.
3. Passing lane etiquette in BC. 'Nough said (...but for the "Easterners" - read: anyone who resides anywhere past Saskatchewan - who may not know what I am talking about, I will briefly explain that when you see a passing lane, no matter how slow you are going beforehand, it means "GIVE 'ER!!!!!" If you see someone who looks like they may be attempting to pass you, stamp down on the gas until the passing lane ends, at which time you can slam on the brakes again and agitate them by forcing them to stay behind and follow you. Do this repeatedly). In Alberta, the issue seems to be an inability to drive below 140 or merge in traffic.
4. Newfoundland = Nova Scotia = New Brunswick. Yep, they're all the same place, and all included in "The Maritimes"...along with PEI of course - didn't you know? Totally interchangeable! The Annapolis Valley? Right next to St. John's, of course! ...and a person who is from Nova Scotia is called a Newfie, just like a Newfoundlander must be from Nova Scotia, right? Unless New Brunswick comes to mind first, that is...
5. The widespread inability to pronounce "Newfoundland" correctly...even when provided with repeated examples from a native Newfoundlander. Rhymes with "understand." Is it really that hard? I mean seriously, do I walk around calling this place "BRIGHT-ish Column-BEE-ah???" Honestly!!!
Now, in all fairness, I know there are things about Eastern Canadians that throw westerners off too (I personally find it makes my life easier to neutralize my accent and delete certain words and phrases from my speech when I am not at home, as a preventative measure, for starters). Hell, there are things that boggle my mind and I am from there!
Yes, there's no doubt those who have ventured east have probably been smacked in the face by our quirks just as much as we are by theirs (although I do think the eastern provinces offer up more fodder as they are more diverse than the western ones in my humble opinion. I can't really speak for central or the territories). However, I am also sure our western visitors have taken away things that have pleasantly surprised and enlightened them, just like I have out here.
Anyway - no matter how you slice it - easterners and westerners are just DIFFERENT. It's important to be aware of those differences (let's face it - some people are just plain oblivious), and celebrate that diversity and uniqueness as much as possible while remembering to afford others our respect...even if we do feel the need to walk away shaking our heads and rolling our eyes sometimes.
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