What Are We Teaching Our Little Girls????

A couple of things jumped out at me this week online...I found them quite disturbing for a multitude of reasons and could probably type for days on the matter but instead find myself quite speechless at the moment. This is just outrageous and unacceptable in today's society...or any society, for that matter! As a female who has always relied on her intelligence and has always travelled in circles of other females who do the same, I am just floored. Appalled, disgusted, shocked, you name it. Wow. WHY would anyone want to propagate these negative, moronic messages? Don't girls have enough crap to face growing up as it is???

First, there was the JCPenney issue, which Emma Waverman writes about here (I spotted it on my MSN homepage a few days ago and had to have a peek), and then I noticed a friend of mine had posted this on facebook, which notified me of the Toddlers and Tiaras issue. I'm just thankful I'm not the only one who is upset about this...

Late Night Goings On

Note to self: hitting enter on facebook does not offer a break in text...it sends messages. Just like the one I unintentionally sent The Labradorian late last night/early this morning in an indignant fit of frustration. I had intended to compose the message, read it over, make any necessary adjustments, and ensure that I was saying what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it. Instead, he got the message "Can I ask you something? Out of curiosity, are you treating me the way you normally treat your friends? Because somehow I don't think so." Sigh. Well I guess at least it's concise and to the point (if perhaps a little more abrupt than I usually am)...and really, if he can't figure out what I meant by that 'it's not much odds.' This is all a result of the fact that he said he wanted me to keep in touch...that he wanted to be friends (which is one of the options I put forth in that ridiculous, embarrassing, gut-wrenching email I sent him)...that he wanted to keep talking and be able to ask me how my day was...yet his responsiveness has been sporadic at best and insulting at worst. It's confusing. How can someone be so sweet and come off as such a great guy then act like a total ass (in the nicest way possible, of course...by being pleasant as punch but not following through on calling when they say they are going to, etc).

I'm looking at my words and I realize how silly they are. It's classic behaviour. I just have to beat it into my head that he's not who I thought he was and no matter what he says, his behaviour shows that he's just not into me on any level anymore and really has no interest in being friends and continuing to get to know each other. He's too wrapped up in the latest interest and the sometime responses to emails and the "I like it when you call"'s are purely designed to keep me on the back burner in case whatever he's involved in now doesn't work out. He seemed so innocent that way and he claimed to have "no game" when we started talking initially and I believed him, gullible fool that I am. Why do I always insist on viewing people in the best possible light until they disrespect me so much that I am forced to shift my perceptions? This is a bit of a recurring theme...I'm a smart girl - you'd think I'd have learned by now.

On another note, I was awake until 4am and then woke up again at 6 after having a horrible nightmare about my brother. I actually woke myself rocking back and forth in the bed in agony after a very convoluted dream that ended with me seeing him involuntarily driven away in our parents (now stolen) car by a couple of sketchy and dangerous characters, calling him after he'd been gone a while and I'd been left stranded somewhere I can't seem to remember and hearing his voicemail message stating that if the caller was hearing this, he or she should be very sad because they'd probably never hear his voice again. And the note in his voice was one I'd never heard before.

Of course, I realize it was just a dream and those aren't necessarily words my brother would ever use, but it was totally realistic and waking up alone after that was very hard. It was one of those nightmares that is so vivid it takes a while to figure out that it was just in your head and I was really scared and upset and needing someone to talk to to get my mind off it so I could attempt sleep again. The first person who came to mind? The Labradorian (partly because I knew he would be awake and partly because I still want to view him as sweet and comforting). Stupid, stupid girl. Thankfully, I squashed that notion by the time I was 3/4 alert and instead signed onto facebook to see if there was anyone on chat that would do. Lo and behold, The Old Flame was online. We hadn't been in contact since that night he got me safely home after being rather uncharacteristically intoxicated, but he was there for me and wanted to make sure I was alright.

During the course of our (relatively brief) conversation, I asked him what my best and worst points are in his opinion. His answer? Best: honesty. Worst: reading too much into things. I asked for an example. He couldn't give me one, but said there were a few times when he said something to the point to me and I made it so that it didn't mean what he had meant anymore. I asked if I had asked questions or made assumptions. He said both. I'm not really sure what to make of that. In any case, I thought that was rather ironic since I had been beating myself up earlier for being too trusting and taking people's words at face value too much. I voiced that thought. He replied, "Well you didn't with me." Interesting.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Why do guys say things they obviously don't mean? What is the point in trying to play the nice guy with words when the actions contradict those words at every turn? I don't get it. Isn't being honest and respectful with someone preferable to telling them what you think they want to hear only to have them believe you and end up feeling like a moron? Please explain the rationale behind that. It makes no sense to me. It really doesn't. All it does is make them look like bigger jerks than we ever would have thought they were otherwise. Amongst other examples that come readily to mind which other girl friends have experienced, there have now been two separate instances where a 'man' and I had mutually (or so I thought) agreed that we would be friends. I was totally OK with that. I thought they were nice guys and I would have liked to count them amongst my friends. However, both of those 'men' then proceeded to show me that that isn't actually what they wanted (either that or they have no idea what it means to be friends or how to be friends with a girl). SO WHY SAY IT WAS?!?!?!?!? It irritates me to no end. I'm a pretty friendly person and I've had girl friends and guy friends all my life. However, if I am not interested in being someone's friend, I don't say or do anything to make them think otherwise (and I don't mean that I am mean or disrespectful or rude...I just don't encourage them). I guess maybe that's just me. Anyway, let's hope I can now chalk that up to another lesson learned. But seriously - what idiots!!! It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie ran into her exes best friend - an ex who had broken up with her on a Post It. The best friend basically said that men are afraid of women's reactions and Carrie explained that all women want is to be told (face to face in her case) in a way that is respectful and befitting of the relationship and what was between them and the man in question. Is that really too much to ask?!?! I think that episode should actually be required viewing for all members of the opposite sex. Maybe they'd learn something. Then again, probably not.

In other news, I've learned that The Cheating Bastard and his naive girlfriend are moving to Denmark together. I don't get that either. I basically threw him under the bus. Did she not believe me? Does she have no self-respect? Is she crazy? Who knows. I have a feeling she will be in for a rude awakening down the road...but for her sake I will hope that he has actually seen the light and decided to change his behaviour.

Boredom=The Devil

When I get in this frame of mind, I am not to be trusted. I make stupid, snap decisions (which are not my forte at the best of times) and kick myself for them later. For instance, I contact people I shouldn't contact. I am stuck in central and wanting so badly to just go back to town...but my mother insists I stay tonight because there is a lot of water on the roads from the incessant rain that has me trapped in the house. I cannot find anything with which to occupy my mind. Nothing is holding my attention. Reading is not doing it, there's no one I want to visit (my options are limited to family that live close by for the moment), I'm not in the mood for TV and I'm so sick of the Internet today. I'm restless. Severely. Frustrated. And bored out of my freaking head. I hate feeling like this. I so wish I had some friends nearby...Sigh...anyway...deep breaths.....the storm is sure to pass eventually and hopefully I'll find the necessary control to refrain from scathing myself too badly...I am my own worst enemy right now...

Frustrated, Incorporated

Today has so far been a write off for me. Well...not completely. There is one very good thing that has happened: I have decided that I'm done with wallowing. I am so frustrated with myself and sick of listening to myself whine and the stress of everything being the same overall is getting to be too much to bear. I need action. I need change. I need to kick my own ass and get the hell outta this slump because I'm not a fan of the boat I'm in. The clock is ticking. It has never stopped. And although I have taken steps in the right direction, I haven't followed through completely. The most recent in this series of steps includes making a comprehensive list of the schools in the Eastern District that are within reasonable distance from my home and which I could sub at, given the opportunity, and printing off 30 resumes to hand deliver to those schools (some of which I've already visited and some of which I haven't). However, I have so far only visited one (after a fiasco yesterday that involved nearly breaking my toe followed by getting stuck in the driveway for some time, which put me way behind my intended schedule). I also called Nova Central and left a message asking whether I would have to resubmit a complete application package were I to move home and get back on their sub list. They haven't gotten back to me yet...

Anyway, as I was saying, it's time to get stubborn and determined once again. Granted, being gentle and kind with yourself is sometimes necessary. And I did need that...along with patting myself on the back for the littlest accomplishments at times. But I made an important bleedingly obvious discovery today: much as I have talked about it, I haven't truly sat down and solidified what it is that I want for myself and how to go about getting it. I haven't fully realized what it means to put myself first or how to go about doing that, either. And I sabotage myself. I sit and think for a little while and then I get overwhelmed with the number of options before me and the lack of surety about anything and back burner everything again without coming to any concrete conclusions or taking action and so I am no further ahead. Rather than risk making the wrong decision or taking the wrong path, I stall. But I need to clarify my goals in order to figure out my direction. And I need to focus my energy more efficiently and productively than I have been in order to reach those goals.

So, I will forgive myself for the fact that I didn't have it in me to go out with a cold and shovel myself out of my apartment and my driveway today in order to hit some schools on my list. And I will try not to be too bummed that the guy I've been looking forward to seeing tonight cancelled on me and will be flying overseas for a family thing and I won't get to spend time with him until he gets back. But I will also think seriously about my future. I will look at my options closely and I will truly weigh the pros and cons. No one can do this but me. And if I want to be self-sufficient again (which I very much do) I have to put a plan into motion ASAP.

There is one more thing I will do...I will ask you if there is any advice or experience you would like to share as to how you came to discover your own path in life. Sometimes the most random tidbits set off a series of thoughts and events that take us places we could never have imagined...perhaps you could prove to be my catalyst :-)

Bagless

I try to make it a habit to bring my own cloth bags when shopping. However, there are times I forget or I am only purchasing an item or two and don't really need a bag either way. In those instances, I tell the cashier right away that no bag is needed...but some of them are pretty quick on the draw and have one all ready to go by then. I have to say, it really bugs me when I grab my stuff to go and they take the bag they were going to give me and throw it in the trash. Why not just reuse it on the next customer? It kind of makes my intended good deed a bad one and leaves me feeling guilty that I didn't just take the damn bag and recycle it myself...

The Tangled Webs We See

This has been a very weird month for me so far. One man I dated suddenly updated his facebook status to say that he is in a relationship after I had not talked to him in a few days, which left me wondering...hmmm...when did that occur? Does he work really fast or was he seeing her while he was seeing me? Does she know he still checks his online dating account? Or that he even has one?

It gets better. The man I spent six years of my life with and left close to nine months ago suddenly turned up married. Gotta love facebook. That news temporarily ripped a hole through my chest with heart-wrenching sobs and anger and bitterness beyond belief. It's not that I care that he's moved on or that he's not with me. That's not what I was grieving over. I know I made the right decision. I know we both deserve to be happy with other people (even though part of me thinks I deserve it more at this point). I know when the time is right I will find my Prince Charming or whatever incarnation he shows up as...

What bothers me is the realization that I stayed for so long and put so much effort into a relationship that was going nowhere and that his new wife has been with him for less than a year (possibly less than 6 months)...that I was led to believe in an eventual marriage that never materialized (which is probably the best thing that ever happened to me, next to the proposal from another ex that I turned down years ago). What bothers me is that I now wonder if SHE was the reason for all the weirdness with his cellphone during the last year we were together. Perhaps they have known each other longer than meets the eye. And the icing on the cake? She has a child. A child...which he said he didn't want and which was part of the reason for our split. A child who I also taught at one point. Oh, the irony. And even better? Comments under their wedding photo show me that he has told her some of the same lies he told me about his previous life. This woman has no idea how many skeletons will be falling on her head everytime she opens the closet.

As I have said before, my ex was not evil incarnate. There were a lot of good points there, as well - on the surface, anyway. Otherwise, I obviously would not have stayed as long as I did. As a matter of fact, just last week I texted him (one of the rare non-business-only exchanges we have had since I left) to thank him for the good things he did for me during our relationship. I can't explain why...I just felt he needed to know that, despite everything, those things were really appreciated (it probably had something to do with the news that another ex of mine had died recently - which is a whole other thing to experience mentally and emotionally). A few days later he messaged me on facebook to tell me my new profile picture was nice, which I thought was odd.

I should probably explain that, while the ex and I did leave each other on our friends lists, we did limit the information that was available to each other. And I do not by any means check in on him regularly. In fact, it was just a fluke that I discovered any of this at all. I was bored and scrolling through status updates and a weird looking profile picture caught my eye, so I went back to see what it was that I could not pick sense out of upon first glance. It was then I realized it was of lips kissing a hand...and whose lips they were and what was on the hand. Of course, being human, I then had to check it out. And now I'm thinking that it is definitely time to delete him from my friends list. I do not need to be seeing these things and torturing myself with thoughts about things that don't even matter anymore.

I have to admit, though, it is rather tempting to let the scorned woman in me give the new bride a little friendly advice. Likewise with the first incident I described...wouldn't I like to know if my boyfriend were still scouring the online arena for potential dates and/or booty calls? But it is not my business, nor my call to make. These things have to be found out on their own or not at all without my input or interference. It feels like a little bit of a betrayal to watch these women walking into these situations and having inside information on the men in their lives...but they are not my friends. I do not know them. And therefore it is definitely not my place to involve myself in their relationships and create drama for them by shedding some light on what is most likely unbeknownst to them at this point. But I do find myself playing devil's advocate and arguing opposing sides of the moral dilemma...no doubt partially due to the anger I feel at having been somewhat blind myself for a time.

There are valuable lessons to be learned here, folks. Not least of which is that time is too precious to waste with someone when you know something isn't right. It also drives home the point that words are cheap and actions speak volumes...and that things usually have a way of coming out in the wash. I just hope neither of the ladies now with these men gets burned too badly.

No In-Between

Just a quick update/rant regarding the online dating scene...I seem to be attracting 20 year olds, 50 year olds, those reeking of desperation or outright looking for booty only and anyone who can't formulate a coherent/correct sentence....sigh. Woe, oh woe, is me. Where are all the intelligent, decent looking men with a sense of humour? They are certainly not knocking on my door in the real world! I mean I'm not looking for Einstein (I'm not sure if that's the best example, but you get the drift), nor am I seeking anyone who is as muscle bound as Arnold was in his prime or as chiseled as an underwear model or as hot as Brad Pitt or Antonio Banderas were in their heyday. All I want is someone who can carry a conversation, communicate with me on my level, finds some of the same things funny and entertaining, and who happens to be attractive in my eyes (well that's the base model that would at least give me something to work with...of course there is some room for fine-tuning in that list). Is that really too much to ask????? I mean, I know I said I was content doing my own thing for now - and I am, for the most part - but some days it gets damned lonely and it would be great to have someone of the opposite sex (as in a non-platonic potential romantic interest) to spend time with once in awhile.

Lessons Learned The Hard Way

Well I was doing great there for a while. I was putting the focus back on me, where it belongs...my life, my ambitions, my dreams and desires, and feeling quite good about my progress...However, I got sidetracked and new developments have caused some bitterness to seep in tonight. I'm hoping it won't last too long. In the meantime, I'm very tempted to just say the hell with it and stay single forever...or perhaps start batting for the other team...? Nah. Although it would mean I wouldn't have to ever look at the opposite sex as potential mates again. Which could be a good thing since there seem to be very few (if any?) crossing my path who would be worthy of my consideration.

I recently made the mistake of letting my judgment become clouded and being a dumb girl who got blinded by some guy selling her a line. Or was it deluded herself because she wanted to see things that weren't there? Either way...mistake. And so now I'm finding out things that are bothering me about someone who isn't even worth my time and energy. And it stings. So I ask you - why, oh why, do we torture ourselves with thoughts about people and things that shouldn't matter? Why do we let ourselves get sucked into caring about people and things that are simply not worth the effort? How come it's not so easy to just flip a switch, turn it off, and make it go away? I really hope this time I will learn (why do I feel like I'm repeating myself?). My eyes are certainly open right now. Let's hope they stay that way!

...and oddly enough, as I am writing this and stewing in discomfort and negativity, I am receiving support via text from the most unlikely source - an old flame who was once that jerk who misled me but has somehow over the years turned into an odd sort of (platonic!) friend. How's that for irony? (Although I'm pretty sure I still have to be on my guard and careful of ulterior motives where that one is concerned - just in case - it's still nice to have someone cheer you up when you are feeling defeated and need it most).

So anyway, it's back to the drawing board and re-clearing my head to see what I can figure out and get sorted for the betterment of myself and my life - sans non-platonic males for the time being. I did actually go one step further and gave another platonic male friend (and by the way, one of the guys I dated over the past weeks told me I've probably scared off numerous romantic interests simply due to the fact that I have guy friends - what's up with that? Perhaps some further exploration to come on that issue...) permission to kick me in the head if he sees me being stupid over some creep again...to which he responded that he had tried to give me several mental kicks this time but they didn't work. Sigh. I never claimed that I wasn't stubborn sometimes...but I did humbly submit that I am in a different frame of mind now and promised to pay more heed if further kicks were to come.

Some quick updates I'm not sure if I've mentioned: Work - (SIGH) still in the air and undecided as to which path to take. Theatre - so far, harder to break into than I thought down here. Choir - in like Flynn and lovin it :). Living solo - the bomb.

I have been reading a most interesting book lately, too, which I have been meaning to blog about. I think it should be required reading for all women. Yep, definitely gotta write about that soon...

Boredom Reigns

How is that possible, you ask? Well I am a notorious procrastinator in certain situations (but in my defence, I usually get shit done when it comes to the crunch and I never let things slide that will have a majorly negative impact on myself or those around me. My bills are always paid on time and all that jazz). Hence, although there are a million boxes waiting to be unpacked, the thought of tackling them is totally unappealing. I did put in a bunch of hours in my parents basement today doing just that, however, followed by an overdue yoga session and a nice, hot bath.

...And then night came...all motivation fled and I have been bored stiff ever since about 7pm or so. Sigh...

Add to that that tonight is opening night for the play I had to back out of in BC and I'm actually pretty bummed to be sitting here and not having a blast on the stage. Oh, fellow thespians, break a leg in my honour this eve! Would that I could be there with you! (Note to self: MUST get settled and search out theatrical pursuits ASAP).

Ah well, c'est la vie I guess. I will just put my frustrations out there in cyberspace and hope tomorrow is a better day...

Random Rants

OK, first of all I wait a whole week all atwitter in suspense and anticipation for the next episode of Republic of Doyle...only to be met with a rerun of the first episode at 9pm. What the hell, CBC?

And now that that is off my chest...

We (well, I, really) have been doing a lot of looking into the free/low cost events and venues we could hit whilst in Vancouver over the weekend, and the sheer multitude of possibilities makes planning some sort of schedule/route (which falls to my partner, since he is more familiar with getting around Vancouver) a little overwhelming. I have picked plenty of options and plenty of back-ups if, for some reason, they fail. However, what astounded me most of all was the amount of negativity expressed on some of the websites I've been searching in regard to wait times, disappointed reactions, and inconsideration/rudeness. I am sincerely hoping things are not as bad as those people are making them out to be or this will be shaping up to be a rather unenjoyable experience. While I can see the point of those people who have shelled out mega dough to take part in other Olympic activities, only to have an underwhelming, mediocre (or worse) experience, I think one maybe has to put it into perspective in this case and realize that these particular things are available for free or close to it and perhaps keep the whining to a minimum. Then again, I guess there is no real excuse for poor planning and bad communication in some cases. We will see what tales I can tell when I return though, hey?

The fact that the amount and/or lack of French content in the opening ceremonies is being so hotly debated is becoming a tad annoying, as well (Why all the fuss over French content?, Opening ceremony lacked French content, Fight over French sours Quebec Day at Games). Admittedly, I did perceive some noticeable gaps of French representation in the Olympic ceremony proceedings and it does irk me at times how some British Columbians view French Canada - then again there are people throughout the country who hold those views to a certain degree (as well as those francophones who happen to have more than their share of issues with us anglophones), although I think being so far removed from the eastern provinces contributes a little more to western bias. A simple illustration of it's lesser importance out here is reflected in BC schools, for example, where core French is taught from grade 5 to grade 8 by classroom generalist teachers and students are allowed to opt out if parents make enough noise. I am not sure how it stands today, but I know that when I went to school in Newfoundland, the importance of learning French was made known to me early on and core French was mandatory from grades 4 to 9 and taught by specialist teachers. However, I do think that VANOC did a decent job of including French in the ceremonies. And really, do we need another blemish on the face of the Vancouver Olympics right now or another excuse to keep the anglophone/francophone fight going? Why ruin the games by bitterly fixating on these things?

Moving along, I am a little disturbed at all the negative media attention Canada is receiving as of late - whether deserved or undeserved. I have always been proud of my province and proud of my country and seeing it's image being slammed from multiple angles has thoroughly bruised that pride. It is more than a little upsetting and embarrassing to see our reputation on the world stage becoming so tarnished. While I'm on that note, I am even more embarrassed to see the negative feedback on Atlantic Canada House at citycaucus.com and a bit offended that someone wrote that Newfoundlanders are suspicious and rude in the comments section as well. I sincerely hope that is not the way we are being perceived these days, because that would be a real tragedy. We have always been lauded for our friendly, down to earth people and I would hate for us to lose that. I'm sure it takes more than one random comment from a single visitor to turn the tide, but still....

Finally, my partner happened to stumble upon PETA's newest logo which stems from the anti-seal hunt campaign via the Vancouver Olympics. While normally I would not even bother to acknowledge them and give them free publicity (which is also why I am not including a link or photo here), I have to say the ads and logos they have created this time are even more ridiculous than usual. And, seriously, other than Atlantic and Northern Canadians who have relocated here, how much of a connection do they honestly think western Canadians have with the seal hunt, good, bad or indifferent?...Although I will admit that I was appalled and incensed to the point of *almost* going inside to give the owners a piece of my mind to see a sign outside a hostel in Kelowna a couple of years ago declaring that Canadians are embarrassed by the seal hunt or some such nonsense to that effect...and I was also gullible enough to be brainwashed by the propaganda and be ashamed of that part of my Newfoundland heritage when I was younger. Of course, then I grew up and looked into the reality of things. I must say, it is amazing what you see when you open your eyes and look past the cute white poster pups they like to flaunt everywhere in the hopes of pulling your heartstrings and emptying your wallet for their cause. I know they lump the whole country together as taking part in the hunt and/or being responsible for it, and I get that it is about how they can portray us to the world at large and get them to buy in, but still it seems utterly stupid to me to connect the two.

On a completely unrelated note, I heard on the radio the other night that there is a raven at the Green Castle Golf Course that has been stealing golf balls...more evidence that I am right to be creeped out by them and their crow relatives...damned David Suzuki documentary...
Anyway, it's late, I've had a long, rough day and I don't even know if what I have written even makes sense at this point so I'm thinking it is high time I shut up and went to bed. Good night!

Is "Newfie" the Newest 'N' Word?

A few months ago, I read this post by Nadine at Missing The Rock. I left my "two cents worth" afterwards, but it got me thinking that perhaps I should elaborate a little on my own experience and add it to the conglomeration of writings on the subject already. I have hesitated to be a pot-stirrer and post on the subject, but it has recently come up again in my own personal life and so I thought it might be time to get this off my chest.

When I was growing up in Newfoundland, the term 'Newfie' was thrown around quite a bit and I never gave it any thought. I certainly never stopped to consider that it could be considered derogatory - I had never been exposed to anyone who had used it in such a way. It was simply a word we utilized to describe ourselves - a shortened form of 'Newfoundlander,' that contained all the same implicit imagery of home, the roots of our colourful culture, and the pride associated with being from our beautiful island, as found in the long version. It was a label applied to the shared aspects of our identity and that was all. As for 'Newfie' jokes, well, they were just harmless fun that mostly depicted our ingenuity or proved that we had a sense of humour and were simultaneously secure and humble enough to laugh at ourselves.

When I moved away, I bandied the word about with more pride than I had ever felt while living at home; I had never really embraced my Newfoundland roots until I left the island. In fact, being from "the Bay" was almost a source of embarrassment for a time when I was thrown into the mix with all the "Townies" at MUN. There was certainly some friction between our respective student communities at the university at times (then again there was also an issue with people from Mount Pearl as a separate entity as well, but that's a whole other ball game). I suspect this mutual slightly pejorative use of the terms "Bayman" and "Townie" varied largely between individuals and was not really an accurate reflection of the student population as a whole. However, I fast became aware that we "Baymen" were very much looked down upon by a faction of our fellow Islanders and learned to minimalize the more easily identifiable aspects of my accent to blend in and avoid being branded and scoffed at (a topic which I will talk more about at a later date). However, when I was with people from "out around the bay" I could let go of those self-imposed constraints and be free to let it all hang out and be who I was, so to speak. Of course, there were also those times when it was simply curious to find out that some of the words in regular rotation in my vocabulary were not in residence in those of my academic colleagues. I remember well the first time I said something that someone did not understand - it was my rude 18-year-old awakening that parts of my speech (aside from the obvious slang) were, in actuality, not standard English...but I digress...

Then, as I mentioned, came BC. Once I got over the initial culture shock I experienced after being displaced, I embraced my uniqueness and clung to my identity for all it was worth, feeling, at times, isolated and alone amongst a different breed of people altogether. It was then that I actually started to develop a fondness for "Newfie" music - which, ironically, I previously couldn't stand - because it brought me some comfort from home. For the most part, I was trying to learn about the new culture in which I found myself immersed and still didn't stop to think of any other connotations associated with "Newfie," proudly admitting to being one every chance I got. However, I did start to notice the scatter reaction from some when they learned where I was from that seemed a little less than flattering but without being blatantly obvious. Mostly, though, there were just a bunch of the typical humourous incidents when language barriers got in the way (luckily there were a couple of Nova Scotians in our midst who were pretty good at translating when the need arose) and were later laughed at by all parties involved....

...And then came a day when a young teenager quite seriously referred to me as a "goofy Newfie" (incidentally, there is a restaurant called the Goofie Newfie in Fergus, Ontario, which I am sure doesn't help matters for their local population of displaced Newfoundlanders and Labradorians who may take issue with the term). I was shocked. I mean, this kid clearly got that from an adult somewhere along the way, because I am pretty sure he hadn't been exposed to many Newfoundlanders in the area we were in, nor able to come up with that assessment or term on his own. I didn't let it bother me too much, because I knew him to be a very angry youth with deeper problems than I had ever known...but at the same time it made me a little uncomfortable to know that there were obviously those adults in the community who held those beliefs about us. Still, it was the "goofy" and the tone of voice in which it was delivered that made me take offence at all.

Fast forward to the following summer when we were visiting friends of ours in the Toronto area..We were out sightseeing one hot day and happened to stop and get some soft serve ice cream (the 'custard cones' of my youth) at an ice cream truck. The man who served us noticed that my friend was wearing a T-Shirt with a print of the map of the island portion of Newfoundland on it (isn't it funny how that image speaks to us and evokes such strong feelings?) and asked if that was, indeed, from where we hailed. At our satisfied confirmation, he proceeded to make digs and crack jokes about Newfoundlanders, asking how many drinks we had had already that day (it was before noon) as a parting shot as we walked away. I took it all in stride but, a little dumbfounded, turned to my friend and asked, "did he just say what I thought he said?" "Yes," she replied, shaking her head, "You wouldn't believe how much of that crap I have to put up with here."

Now, you may think I am a bit slow - and in retrospect, perhaps I was - but the meaning I associated with "Newfie" was so ingrained in me that it still did not fully occur to me that it was not necessarily a self-explanatory, complimentary thing to be called...that, contrary to being respected as hailing from a unique, colourful, and proud group of people by the world at large when they found out where I was born and raised, "Newfie" might actually be thrown at me as an insult. I mean, I'm not a completely oblivious individual, but I definitely came from a very sheltered upbringing and suffered from acute naivete for a good portion of my life. I just didn't really give credence to the fact that there might be that kind of inter-provincial prejudice in my country (I don't count a sense of competitiveness or light-hearted jabs as evidence of prejudice). I suppose that was utterly dumb of me, thinking back to the views some easterners have of westerners as well, but I didn't really take that seriously, having my own bias as an Atlantic Canadian. Having said that, there is not a widely known term applied to any of the other provinces' citizens to my knowledge (aside from the labels applied to French-speaking Canadians by some ignorants).

Anyway, flash forward again to last winter when I was searching for a place to get some down-home grub on the west coast. I figured I'd look in Vancouver would probably be the most likely spot and, as we were planning a trip there in the near future to see some extended family, it would be ideal to bring them with us. I did happen to find The Newfie Tap and Grill (which is, in fact, now called the Atlantic Trap and Gill and which I wouldn't necessarily recommend, as we were sadly disappointed. Their online menu is outdated and the food we had didn't much resemble east coast fare in presentation, quality or taste) but during my online travels I also stumbled upon a site where some Vancouverites were debating whether or not we like being called "Newfies" because some of us take offense to it. That was the first time I really fully opened my eyes, but, again, I was incredulous and stunned. What? There are Newfoundlanders who don't like being called "Newfies"? When did that happen? Why? Aren't they proud of where they are from? Geez...oversensitive much? That's just being silly!

There was also an article I read online - which I cannot find for the life of me right now - about some incidents in St. John's whereby someone had the nerve to spray paint "Stupid Newfies" in various locations, which I thought was absolutely awful. There is no arguing that something is meant to be pejorative when preceeded by a descriptor such as "stupid." Of course, the article sparked a huge debate and a long list of feedback comments from all over the country, some of which were quite interesting to read to garner the differing perspectives of Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, ex-pats, and the rest of the country.

I have been in my current locale for over 3 years, and I have to say I am very aware of these things now. The prior incidents - few and far between, for the most part - have taken on new meaning for me: My first boss here, who has a great sense of humour and whom I still love dearly, crossed the line one day by making a dig about 'lazy Newfies,' which got my back up...when I was doing my first play here, another actor found it quite amusing to regale me with Newfie jokes galore (which really grated on my nerves)...and more recently, when the cable guy came to hook us up at our new apartment, he immediately went to the topic of Newfie jokes when he spied some tell-tale elements of our decor. I quickly stopped him before he could start by relating a joke I had just picked up a couple of days earlier from Steve at Oh Me Nerves. I think he got the point. We then ended up discussing the various forms of prejudice we had both witnessed over the years towards various segments of the population, and he pointed out that Newfie jokes are no more than your run of the mill fill in the blank jokes that can be used to poke fun at just about any group of people and I shared that there are jokes in circulation in Newfoundland that exchange the roles of Newfoundlanders and mainlanders as well.

Anyway, I have done my homework over the past year and discovered that what I once considered an innocent source of pride has very disturbing connotations for many, and that the debate still rages on, as evidenced here at Todd's blog, here on a facebook group, here at Squidoo, here and here at cbc.ca, as well as any number of other examples posted on the web. In fact, there are even definitions of the word Newfie at Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary.

As for myself, well, I have been increasingly careful about my usage of the term in the last couple of years and I can't un-see or un-hear all of those things since having opened my eyes. Taken from another Newfoundlander I don't have as much of a problem with it (and I guess this is the basis some have used to contend that "Newfie" is similar to the other N word in circulation, whereby it is acceptable from peers who share the same - for lack of a better word at the moment - classification, but not from outsiders). After all, we are all entitled to our own thoughts, feelings and opinions and I was once with them in my beliefs...However, I cringe when I see or hear it used in the presence of non-Newfoundlanders because I am aware of what some of them may read into it now and I do not take kindly to being looked upon as a laughingstock. I am now very attuned to people's reactions to me once they have learned of my home province and I have to say that they have been very mixed, indeed. So, are there those who are prejudiced against Newfoundlanders and Labradorians? Absolutely. Is all of that summed up in the use of the word "Newfie"? Probably not. But I hesitate to apply it anymore, nonetheless.

Humbug!

There, I said it. This has been the loneliest, most UN-Christmas-y holiday I can remember having. I have tried (and failed miserably for the most part) to fake it till I made it for my partner's sake (and my mother's, because I know it bothers her to know I'm unhappy this time of year), but to no avail. I think the stats speak for themselves:

Number of friends/family seen: 0
Number of parties/get togethers attended: 0
Number of Christmas activities participated in: 1 (Candlelight service with my partner on Christmas Eve in the hopes of gaining an infusion of Christmas spirit and good cheer and fighting off the demons of loneliness and depression...which feeling like a total outsider at the church did nothing to alleviate)
Level of Christmas spirit achieved: next to none, and sporadic at best (maybe I spent it all up in October when I was buying and wrapping gifts?)

I am actually at the point where I am totally disillusioned with the whole thing this year. I am ashamed to admit it, but I spent 80% of my time this holiday season sitting around feeling sorry for myself (either alone or with my live-in partner...who is the only other person I've seen this Christmas other than my chiropractor and his secretary) and stuffing my face with junk food (totally counterproductive to becoming more healthy and fit). The other 20% was spent roaming the stores and spending money on things we probably could have mostly done without. I have spent hours on facebook looking at other people's holiday snapshots and feeling glad for them, but lonelier myself and more than a tad jealous I'm sad to say.

Today I was tempted to just pull the covers over my head and stay in bed until tomorrow this time, but I guess there is one last chance to redeem Christmas/New Year's 2009 tonight. We shall see what happens...

I am honestly not sorry to see 2009 go at this point. I guess there must have been some highlights throughout the year worth remembering and mentioning, but I'll be damned if I can conjure them up right now with this storm cloud hanging over my head. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is my musical theatre debut, which was an awesome experience in many ways. Other than that, this year has brought me a lot of anguish and uncertainty and a huge mess to sort out in 2010.

So, in lieu of listing all my Resolutions that may or may not be adhered to in the New Year, I will simply say that it is my wish for it to bring much peace, love, happiness, and success to everyone around me. And for myself...well, a little clarity and forward momentum in all areas would certainly not go astray...

Back in Touch

I just finished posting two entries I had previously started and am now posting an update that covers what's been going on since then...

So, as previously noted, I've been disconnected from the world for a bit. Things are finally coming together at the new place (between sickness and work and a couple of days out of town, not a lot has been happening except on the weekends) and after a long and frustrating battle with phone and cable companies, we have been finally been hooked back up.

It all started back on the 29th...I called in to request that our services all be moved to the new address and, seeing how it was a little more last minute than we had intended, expected that it would probably be a few days' wait until everything was up and running. I was surprised on two counts...

Firstly, I was pleased to be informed by the phone company that the move would be implemented the following day and we would be good to go right away. Secondly, the cable company said we would have to wait until the 8th to get our service transferred, which I found kind of irritating and disappointing.

Of course, as it turned out, there were several problems with the phone company while the cable crew stayed true to their word. When we awoke on the 30th to find that the phone was cut at our old apartment, we assumed it had been reconnected at our new one, as per the information we were given. Not so. We waited until Monday afternoon(December 1st) and when there was still no service, I called to inquire as to what was going on. Long story short, 11 days later, after several phone calls and countless hours on the phone with customer service repeating the same information and detailing the problem over and over and over again, a tech was finally dispatched to our place and rewired our jacks because he couldn't figure out what was wrong and we got a dial tone. Apparently, while our phone was down, people had been calling and leaving messages on our voicemail and assuming that we weren't returning their calls and our mailbox, since we couldn't access it at all, was full. Great. Meaning that anyone who called after those first 10 messages was not able to leave us a message and our phone - which wasn't connected - was unable to pick up their phone numbers on the display. Let's hope we didn't miss anything too important! Anyway, thinking that would solve the problem, we were very excited to try the Internet again and very annoyed when it still did not work.....which meant yet another round of calls to the phone company by me. SIGH....

Then next day, all necessary lights were illuminated on our modem and we gave it another go. A self set up screen popped up and I attempted to go through the steps...but got a message telling me it wasn't set up properly. However, I was - and am - still able to get online through our home network and so that's all that matters to me at this point.

We decided after all of this inconvenience and shoddy service that we are going to switch our phone and Internet service to the cable company, which will take effect on the 30th I am told. Financially, this will save us somewhere in the neighbourhood of $40 a month (with the bundle savings, downgrading the long distance plan I have been paying for and not using up, and upgrading the cable) - which was a bit of a shock but definitely a bonus! In the meantime, I have been in contact with the phone company again and managed - on three separate occasions through dealing with three different agents - to get a bunch of money knocked off our last bill - which is also great, but too little too late.

Now...if I can only figure out how to shave some costs off the cell phone bills...and, of course, find a place for all of the things that are still floating around this place without a home...

Again on the upside, I have finished all my Christmas shopping (stocking stuffers included) and there is a light at the end of the card-making tunnel :-) I had gotten a fierce start on all of this back in October, of course, when I shipped the first parcel of presents and whatnot back to Newfoundland, but there was a definite lull in holiday preparations while other aspects of life took centre stage for a bit. The tree has also been assembled and decorated - which my partner began during the first wave of unpacking...good thing one of us is in the spirit (hoping mine will make an appearance soon)!

Ah well, back to it then...

All Shot Up

I've taken a little bit of an unplanned hiatus from my newborn blog - mostly due to lack of inspiration and tiredness. However, I ventured out today to get vaccinated and am returning with lots of blog fodder.

Here is a rundown of my experience:

Arrived at clinic site at approximately 9:20 am, read the sign stating eligibility criteria and walked to the end of the line. Senses promptly assaulted by the scent of very overpowering perfume. Attempted to put some space between myself and said smell to alleviate negative allergic reactions without losing my spot.

9:25ish saw an elderly lady walk out of the clinic and inform her husband (standing in front of me) that he is not eligible for the vaccine today because he is over 65 - no matter that he is diabetic, as long as he has gotten his seasonal flu shot already - and that they turned her away after an hour wait.

9:45ish witnessed a lady with a young boy park her truck and jump into the lineup about 3 people ahead of me next to a lady she apparently knew, followed by the man who had been conversing with the elderly gentleman who left with his wife now shuffling to a place further up the line.

Around 10:00, listened as the woman in front of me called over a health care worker and asked if he could tell her who was eligible for the clinic today and what shot was being offered.

10:15ish, two people proceeded to light cigarettes and smoke while standing in line (one of whom was the same lady the one with the kid had went to stand beside). Saw a man come over and ask the health care worker at the entrance if people over 65 were allowed to get inoculated today, as that was what he heard at the coffee shop this morning.

10:30ish, entered the building, read the sign requesting that clients have their Care Cards ready, and was entertained by a group of obviously extroverted mothers who were chasing their toddlers around and hollering at them, basking in the attention they were generating. Watched a nurse doling out shots to moms and kids and mentally gave her a pat on the back for the job she was doing and being able to stand up to all the crying with a smile. Coughed into my sleeve a few times after running out of Bentasil and noticed various nervous glances being shot my way accompanied by expressions informing me that I was a pariah in their midst.

Moved to the registration table, handed over my Care Card, and assured the lady doing the paper work that I have asthma and was advised by my doctor to show up and get both vaccines. Continued on to the seating section with my papers in hand and was hustled into the second row of chairs. Shuffled over several times as seats became vacant until I reached the end of the row and was pointed in the direction of a free injection station. Informed the nurse that I am already sick and had a fever last night, answered some questions, told her I had an allergy shot in my left arm yesterday and am scheduled for one in my right arm Monday, and listened as she told me that the H1N1 shot would hurt less going in but that the flu shot shouldn't make my arm as sore afterwards and to be prepared to get sicker before I get better (which I was expecting anyway but which still wasn't good to hear considering last night's fever was already an uncomfortable and scary 102.4 degrees).

11:00 The main event! Got jabbed in both arms, and then directed to another seating section and told to wait 15 minutes to make sure I was OK before leaving. Overheard an elderly lady speaking with a health care worker who was telling her that she is not eligible for the shot today, asking whether she was already informed of that by the workers patrolling the lineup outside, and that no, there were no exceptions being made. Left the clinic at 11:15 and drove home.

And now, the commentary/rant...

1. I cannot believe how inconsiderate some people are. Who in their right mind shows up at a vaccination clinic coated in perfume to stand in line with a bunch of asthmatics? Hello! Great way to set everyone coughing and rushing for their inhalers! Likewise to the smokers...lighting up in the midst of a group of people with lung issues as well as young children and infants. Smart. Thanks for that. Not to mention the couple who came out with their son, who was upset and had been crying after getting vaccinated, put him in their car and stood around smoking. When he tapped on the window and asked for a drink, the father replied "You can have a drink after. Dad is having a 'moke first." Good of them to not smoke in the vehicle with him for sure, but I was still a little put off by the display and thinking perhaps they had gotten their priorities mixed up a little along the way.

2. How is it that we expect children to abide by the unwritten rules of lining up and yet there are adults out there who still have not mastered the concept. Rude and bursting with self-importance and a false sense of entitlement much? What makes you any more special than the rest of us out there freezing our butts off that you think you can just prance on up to any place in line you feel like standing?

3. Why do people not read signs? They are not plastered all over the place to pretty things up, people! Conversely, the first time I saw anything about Care Cards was once I was inside the building. While it is probably a no-brainer anyways, prior signage wouldn't hurt - as I did hear some people say they had forgotten theirs, and I had to check and make sure I had mine at that point as well...

4. Why would you show up at a vaccination clinic and stand in line if you don't even know which shot is being offered? Wouldn't it make more sense to find that out FIRST? Or at the very least, ask someone when you arrived (like the man from the coffee shop who was using his brain)? Ditto for the people who ignored the signs and the patrolling workers only to get inside and be rejected.

5. What is the need of purposely making a public spectacle of yourself outside of the expected venues? Much as it provides entertainment, it does tend to become a tad obnoxious and annoying after a while...

6. Kudos to the nurses shooting up the infants and toddlers. Don't think I could do it. I did notice though that most of the infants didn't bat an eyelash, versus those who were older who almost all bawled. Makes me think that perhaps it is a chain reaction for the ones who are old enough to understand...one cries, scares the others, and sets them all off when it is their turn.

7. I feel bad for showing up sick and needing to cough...but honestly I hadn't coughed this morning and probably would have been coughing from the perfume anyway even if I wasn't sick...and I DID use my sleeve. Perhaps people would have felt better if I had been wearing a mask, like a couple of other people I saw at the clinic? Although I have a hunch those masks were more about protecting themselves from airborne viruses than those around them...

8. I am relieved and glad that I didn't have to endure one of the horror stories that have been on the news lately in relation to flu clinics. I was kind of worried and not sure what to expect when I left the apartment this morning, but I thought it was relatively quick, efficient, and painless - minus the other people who showed up and caused some irritation and discomfort but that had nothing to do with the people running the clinic....although I do wonder if there are/will be rules around smoking and scents at these sorts of things. It would make sense, if you ask me...

I am starting to question my own sanity injecting all this crap into my body and I am really hoping I made the right choice getting these two shots today. Part of me was thinking I should really hold off until I was better and maybe go for it then. There was also an odd mixture of thoughts and images floating through my mind at various points as I watched and waited. Predominantly, I couldn't stop myself from thinking we were just like a bunch of cows being herded inside, treated, and then released into the holding pen before being sent out to pasture to graze again (I apologize if I used incorrect terminology or odd imagery there...I am not an expert on cows and pastures by any means, but I haven't quite been able to absorb, digest, process, and put my finger on what exactly I would compare it to what with the muddied thoughts and all from the various drugs and injections over the past couple of days...I probably shouldn't even be writing right now...God only knows what drivel I am spouting at the moment) and wondering if I was being smart and prudent or stupidly succumbing to what the fear-mongers have been shoving down my throat.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I am beginning to feel like a pincushion between this and the allergy shots and am not enjoying the sore arms and matching bruises, but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end...

Scent Sensitive

I am currently suffering from yet another one of the sinus infections that have plagued me since moving to my current location. Did I ever have them before coming west? Yes. Yes I did. Did I have them as often or to such a bad degree? By and large, no - I did not. What appears to be the culprit? Well, as far as I can tell they are mostly due to the repeated exacerbation of my allergies, which creates an overload on my immune system and in turn results in one of these nasty little episodes. I won't bother grossing you out with the details, but suffice it to say it ain't pretty and it ain't fun.

On the surface, I suppose I could blame some of these symptoms on my exposure to the daily allergens I come in contact with...namely, "western trees and grasses (whatever that is supposed to encompass), dust, and mold." However, pollen levels vary and dust and mold are not ever-present in levels that would cause my body to go into meltdown mode. Perhaps if I was under stress at the time my immune system would be compromised that could be a contributing factor...And I have also blamed the air quality in my present locale, as it is definitely not the stuff of pristine wilderness.

But I am inside this body and have realized that it reacts rather strongly and rather quickly to a multitude of scents...specifically, the chemicals used to create those scents. I am not sure if I am becoming more sensitive as I get older or if I am just subjected to more irritants out here than I was back home and my system can't handle it anymore. Either way, it can be hellish.

It can happen anywhere, at any time. Much as I practice making decisions to protect myself in my immediate surroundings (i.e. at home or in my specific work environment to the best of my ability), I cannot control what I come into contact with during any given day. It is extremely frustrating. I have had to change seats during plays, leave movie theatres frantically searching for my inhaler (yeah I have asthma, too, which is also sometimes affected), run out of stores gasping for air, and avoid certain cashiers when I shop for groceries, among countless other inconveniences. And much of a nuisance as that is, and as embarrassing as it is for me to have to go to those measures for my own comfort and safety, I can somewhat understand. Obviously in our society I will never be free of every dangerous and allergy-inducing chemical known to man.

What I can't understand is having to deal with it in the workplace...which I do, on a continual basis. To my knowledge, quite a few work places back on The Rock have become scent free in recent years. I was under the impression that this was the case nationwide. Not so. At my last job, I questioned the scent policy and was told that it was the decision of each particular workforce to decide whether or not their building was scent free in this area and that, while my boss sympathized with my situation, he was not inclined to implement a policy for all employees as a solution (which left me feeling rather slighted in comparison to those with peanut or other allergies, which are taken more seriously - and yes, I do realize that some of those are life threatening. However, asthma can be too and while I am not afflicted with a condition that severe, who is to say there aren't others who are? And while I am on this side rant, if the airlines can stop serving peanuts then why can't they restrict passengers' use of scent? Isn't it the same premise? Prevent anaphylactic shock vs. prevent potentially life threatening asthma attack...I dunno, seems rational to me...). Alas, I had no other option but to single myself out as the lone shit disturber and start bringing it up at meetings and requesting some changes on my own (with my employer's support).

I resorted to this after being forced to take countless sick days due to my encounters with people, products, and objects of the scented variety while at work. And was it effective? No, ladies and gentlemen, it was not. While there was, eventually, some effort put into limiting workplace scents for my benefit (not to mention everyone elses, whether they realized it or not) by certain individuals, I was also promoted to the position of scratch and sniff lady, expected to test and pass judgment on their chosen scents. I'm sure they meant well, but seriously, what an awkward position to be put in and a surefire way to make myself a bigger target - and sick, to boot.

Now I am in a casual position which requires me to work in a few different buildings - and guess what? Most of them are not scent free either. Which means I am breathing in a different set of floating chemical cocktails from cleaners and personal care products all day long nearly every day, with no control over or protection from what I am exposed to. It's becoming quite annoying as well, because I can usually feel within a few minutes (sometimes less if I experience a more violent reaction) whether or not I'm going to be OK in a given place. But, like anyone else, when I am scheduled to be somewhere for the day, I have no choice but to stay there and work it, regardless of my condition (unless of course, God forbid, I am unfortunate enough one day to have to be hospitalized or something I suppose).

Some days are great. Nothing triggers me and I am fine from the time I arrive until I get home. Most days, I come into contact with something somewhere that irritates my respiratory system in some way, shape or form, makes me nauseous, gives me a headache, or any other of a host of negative reactions. If I am lucky, it will be something that I can limit my exposure to, choosing to avoid it for the majority of the day, and hopefully not feel its effects too badly. If I am not, I usually suffer in silence for fear of injuring someones feelings, causing a scene, embarrassing myself, etc, etc, etc. And after a few of those days of becoming more and more impaired, my body hits full rebel mode and I am no longer a fully functioning human being capable of living my life normally and getting through the work day.

Like I said, I get it that I am probably going to be confronted with this every day for the rest of my life, but I am hoping it will lessen with time - perhaps society will change for the better, perhaps I will eventually build up an immunity, or whatever else would improve the situation. In the meantime, I can't help comparing the whole thing to the ongoing fight between smokers and non-smokers...Individuals have the right to choose whether or not they use/wear certain products and fragrances, just like individuals have the right to choose whether or not they smoke. The difference is, non-smokers have recognized rights and are winning the battle to keep themselves free from pollutants (i.e. second-hand smoke generated from smokers).

Smokers cannot smoke in or around public buildings, workplaces, or even in their own vehicle if they have child passengers...but as a person who is sensitive to scents and chemicals, I have no recourse much of the time. For the most part, there are no widespread laws governing the use of fragrance. It is everywhere...public washrooms, laundromats, theatres, restaurants.....While I don't think it is a crime to want to smell good nor do I wish to implement a worldwide ban, I think it would be nice to promote increased awareness and consideration at the very least. It might also be nice to put some more pressure on the industry responsible for creating these monstrosities and forcing them to adhere to more strict regulations...I bet a lot of people would be surprised to know that there are ingredients used in personal care products and cleaners in North America that have been banned in Europe....

I have to insert here that I do, obviously, have close connections (friends, relatives, coworkers) that utilize their free will to employ scented products and that's fine by me as long as I am not around. And God love 'em, they do make changes to their regular routines to accommodate my extreme sensitivity, which I absolutely do sincerely appreciate. Words cannot express how grateful I am for that - truly. I guess it's different when it's someone you know well, eh? Although you would think common courtesy would dictate better treatment to anyone -stranger or no...Anyway, I digress...the point is there ARE safer/less toxic alternatives out there and -seriously -clean, fresh, and well groomed does not have to equal slathered in chemicals (although there are chemical laden scent free options on the market, too if you prefer). There are so many natural products on the market nowadays - both scented and non - and a lot of simple, tried and true solutions as close as your kitchen when it comes to cleaning. Of course, what you choose to use in your own space is completely up to you and all the power to you to do as you please. However, bear in mind that there are many people out there who suffer as I do and I think we deserve the freedom to breathe easily and free of pollutants (i.e. airborne fragrance particles)just as much as everyone else when we are out in public, wouldn't you agree?

Slap Happy

I'm a little irate with the Slap Chop guy. Fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini....what IS that?!?!?!? Between the verbal diarrhea, the eyebrow olympics and the slimy salesman sneer - I mean smile - (to which I always mentally add a little cartoon sparkle on the teeth, not unlike the ones they use to enhance shots of the product in the commercial), I am ready to slap and chop HIS ass...is that wrong to say? I mean seriously, "you're gonna love my nuts"??? Does no one edit these things? Anyway, that's my rant for this morning. Not exactly mind-shattering stuff, but that's it. Eventually my brain will function again...