Busted

The air has been cleared in a sense...I had a conversation with the skilled liar/cheat/manipulator's girlfriend and informed her of what I knew (the basic facts, minus hurtful details) and the role I had unwittingly played in his deception. He picked the wrong girl to lie to, this time. I would love to be a fly on the wall for what happens next, but all I can do is hope she is smarter than I was in my past relationship and leaves right away instead of giving him the opportunity to "learn from his mistakes" (ie hone his skills) and do it again without getting caught. Either way, I did what I could to right the wrong and I suppose I will just have to be satisfied with that. She did make a comment to the effect that he is now single, however. I have to say, I'm very sorry that someone got hurt (well myself and the girlfriend, to be exact... I'm not sure whether he actually has a heart.) but I also have to admit that there is a certain grim, smug (bitter?) satisfaction that comes from playing the player. How DARE he insult my intelligence and take advantage of my trusting nature. It's just a sad realization that while I may have put the kibosh on his current activities (maybe, perhaps...), he will most likely go on to do this to other women in the future. You know what they say..."Once a cheater..."

Restlessness and Ramblings

I'm currently sitting on my couch feeling rather restless. I'm not quite sure what to be doing with myself at the moment. I am not a fan of that feeling...so, but of course, I turned to writing.

I worked everyday this week and will be working again tomorrow, which is awesome. Today was a bit of a challenge, but I got through it. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. Either way, it's just good to be working, feeling useful, and making money.

...and I just got distracted by an article on the NTV news...someone bought a lock of Justin Bieber's hair for $40 000. Are you freaking kidding me? That's insane! Bonus for the charity the money is going to, I suppose, but I cannot understand how/why people would throw money around like that on something so silly. Why in the world would you want a lock of Justin Bieber's hair?!?!? It's beyond me...

Back to my world...the latest unwanted drama has become a waiting game and I am wondering how it will turn out. My stomach is in knots in the meantime. It's so hard to wait when you just want something to be resolved so you can let it go and be done with it. I suppose I could just ignore it and pretend it doesn't bother me, but it does. I've been on the reverse side of this situation - existing in the midst of so many lies and so much suspicion with eyes half open for so long, hoping against hope that I was wrong. The feeling/sensing but not knowing was an extended mental and emotional torture I could have done without. I hope I go about this the right way...

I also recently met one of the nicest guys who has ever crossed my path...at least that's what he appears to be so far. Only time will tell if that is a legitimate impression. I hope it is...whether it goes anywhere or not. It would just be nice to know there are some legitimately good guys out there. Yes, I'm feeling a little bitter and disillusioned at the moment...

Where There's One Lie...

Again, I will state that I would make a damn fine detective. And that my instincts are pretty good, even if I do reserve judgment and give people a chance - a lot of the time more than they deserve. As is the case here, folks. Remember the little white lies I mentioned previously? Well a little careful observation and browsing facebook et voila - it appears the liar in question WAS covering up something more. Like the fact that he's in a relationship....and has been seeing me (albeit casually). Now, the question is how to handle this information. I am one angry lady at the moment, but I think I will sleep on it and decide later what shall be done. This man once told me that he got the vibe that I am potentially dangerous...I am tempted to prove him right.

I am extremely disappointed. In so many ways, and on so many levels...

The One

While talking to a friend this morning (whom I've never met), I got to thinking about the concept of "The One" again. There seem to be split camps on the issue and I no longer know where I fall. It used to be that I believed strongly in there being one true soul mate for each of us; that one incredible person who revealed themselves to be the other half of our whole. The one person we could never live without again who awed us to no end.

Then I grew up. And I gathered some life experience...did some thinking and observing and living. It started to occur to me that most people don't experience that. It's more a case of choosing someone you can love and accept despite their faults. Someone who will be there and work with you on common life goals. Or, in the case of the less than lucky, someone to try and force it to work with...a person to battle with and fight against while stubbornly refusing (or being too afraid) to throw in the towel.

I asked a friend of mine a while back, "How did you know your husband was the right man?" Her response was, "You just know. Everything started to fall into place and it was just so easy and it all happened pretty fast once it started." It was kind of like the response I got from my cousin when I was 18 and asked, "How do you know you're in love?" and she, of course, replied, "I can't explain it. You just know."

Well, I've been infatuated more than my share of times and I've been in a couple of pretty serious relationships, but so far no one has really WOWed me. Well, OK, a couple have...but that was more a case of the infatuation outweighing the reality of them as people. It's so disappointing sometimes, isn't it? Finding out that you thought someone was so much better than they actually are...? Anyway, I digress...

In this morning's conversation, I expressed that it seems to me that while a lot of couples out there ARE "forcing" it (or trying their damnedest to, in any case), there are those incidents where you just kind of seem to find yourself in someone else's life and be compelled to act on it or regret it forever. And I think in those cases you do, indeed, "just know." I think that we meet and experience a few bad apples so that when someone who deserves us comes along we understand enough to properly appreciate the gift that they are and suddenly all that prior experience makes sense as the precursor we required to prepare for this.

I also think that the powers that be present us with this person we can't ignore when we are prepared for it. That doesn't necessarily mean when we THINK we are prepared either, but when we actually ARE. There are times when you think you are ready for something and when you get it you realize that you most definitely are not. Likewise, there are times when you think you are NOT ready for something, yet when it arrives you find that you have no problem handling it at all. Not that I view soul mates as things that need to be "handled" - more like pieces that seamlessly fit into their proper place in the puzzle when the other pieces are aligned. I'm currently assembling and solidifying the package of pieces that constitutes my own life. Once they have been fully assembled, I'll be much better able to identify the person who is supposed to occupy the space that is left. In the meantime, I am free - almost obligated, really - to try a few different fits and see how they work. Of course, they will all inevitably be going to the discard pile of odd puzzle pieces for other people to sort through until they are identified by their rightful match...and someone out there is doing the same thing in their search for me. The magic happens when the time is right and we finally discover each other.

So, yeah, I guess I kinda do still believe in there being one person I'm meant to be with, even though it could potentially work with several. Perhaps it just depends on which of those shows up in my life first? Or perhaps it's already been decided and chance has no bearing on who it will be. And perhaps it has a lot to do with my own personal level of contentment and patience...

Dancing with Deceit

I have pretty good instincts, I'm discovering. And when something doesn't sit right with me, dirty laundry has a way of coming to the top of the hamper, shall we say. In this case, it was a couple of little white lies that I haven't decided what to do with yet. But it irks me. Why do people feel the need to be dishonest? Are these lies inconsequential, or do they hide something more substantial? Is the liar in question a basically good person who chose to hide a couple of things rather than give a rational explanation for them? Or are they actually not to be trusted at all? I guess only time will tell...but my radar is now on alert, as it should be. Burn me once, burn me twice, and so on...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not intending to come across as perfect or holier-than-thou. Lord knows I have my share of faults and have been guilty of bending the truth myself on occasion, like everyone else on this planet. But overall I pride myself on being honest and trustworthy. In other words, I know my own character and intentions...but how well can you ever really know someone else's?

I generally think you either trust people until they give you a reason not to or you trust no one until they prove themselves worthy of it. I tend to do a little of both, depending on the vibes someone gives me. However, I have also noticed that I have the tendency to see the good in people to the extent of giving more credit than is due a lot of the time...which makes me question myself at times like this and wonder if I am being too naive and trusting. But I am not one to judge quickly or harshly and believe people generally have reasonable motives for their actions (there are always exceptions, of course), so it creates a bit of an internal conundrum.

Time will tell, as I said. In the meantime, I have to decide whether to confront this person and ask for clarification for the untruths or let them go and keep my observations to myself for now. Tough decision in some ways. I don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions and I also really don't respect or appreciate being lied to. On the other hand, I don't want to put this person on the defensive for several reasons.

Ah well, at least I know I'd make a damn fine detective. Perhaps a new career choice if teaching falls through...?

Brighter Days Ahead

I worked this morning. Yay! I am also working tomorrow morning. Total cause for celebration :-). It's funny how we get different perspectives on these things according to our circumstances. I can remember being overworked and wishing for time to relax in the not so distant past..and now I can see that I was actually more fortunate than I realized at the time. It's easy to take things for granted and complain about them when you haven't experienced their flip side.

Anyway, I am still waiting for my paperwork to go through to give NCSD a shot, but in the meantime I'm just very happy to be feeling useful and making money. It appears I have suddenly become visible and people are going out of their way to help me get ahead..which is much appreciated. So, again, putting it out there to the universe in gratitude and hopefulness that this trend will continue...

The Revolutionary Wave

As I was sitting on my couch this afternoon watching Just For Laughs and reading about current developments in Libya (a somewhat ludicrous contrast, I know), it hit me anew how lucky I am to live in a country where relative safety, democracy and liberation are inherent to society. I know it was not always that way, but I'm pretty sure the situation also never exactly paralleled the one facing many Northern Africans and Middle Easterners recently. I have been blessed enough to be born in a time and place where these things were fought for and established before I came along. I am so thankful for that. At the same time, it is so mind blowing to live in a world where people are still fighting for those things. To hear about and watch their battle really puts a lot of things in perspective for me. I really hope they all succeed in rendering the changes they desire without too much bloodshed...