Alone

I am very much aware of my aloneness today. I've been feeling spacey and out of sorts...lonely...and disappointed at the lack of anything remotely exciting this weekend. But that's it I suppose. Not that I was fit to do anything yesterday anyway with how exhausted I was. However, at times like these I feel the need to make more single friends at the very least. It's like there's a hole in my life or something. I feel empty inside, yet not. It's so hard to explain. I guess part of me never stopped fighting acceptance of that aspect of singleness...that there will be times when I will be sitting at home bored and restless and have no one around but me to keep myself from going insane. And in a way I have come to terms with it. I'm comfortable with being home alone...although I'd rather have been out having fun tonight. Ah well, there's always next weekend I guess...Welcome to being an adult, right?

Recommended Reading for Single Girls

After talking to several different guy friends and my darling brother off and on over the past year (using them as sounding boards, if you will), I noticed there was very much a common theme in a lot of what they were telling me...and it was not what the average guy would want you to know or even admit to. It allowed me to look at things in a different light and I'm very glad they helped refresh my understanding of the male brain and open my eyes to some realizations that had never fully computed prior to now. It also inspired me to enrich my library with some new reading material that seemed to be in agreement with their words of wisdom but perhaps a little more in depth and eloquently put - besides, it never hurts to have that stuff in writing so you can remind yourself (or smack yourself in the head or whatever) whenever the occasion requires. So, without further ado, I pass this knowledge on to you (ESPECIALLY if you don't have any guys in your life brave enough to be straight and candid with you when you go looking for their opinions/advice).

If you, my single sisters, are tired of the crap and willing to learn and be enlightened, do yourselves a favour - get these and make them your Bibles:

Why Men Love Bitches



and/or

Why Men Marry Bitches (I think I mentioned these previously in a post somewhere)



and

He's Just Not That Into You



I will, of course, add to the list at a later date if I discover others I would consider essential guides for single women everywhere...

Reminders of Age

Happy belated St. Paddy's Day! I celebrated by heading downtown with one of my girls. We had plenty reason to celebrate too, since it was her birthday earlier in the week and it was also the anniversary of my coming home. Couldn't very well let all that pass by unacknowledged, now could we? Anyway, cover was outrageous at the Irish bars and they were packed, but overall it was a pretty good night. What was not so good was the headache I was contending with in the wee hours of the morning or the tiredness I have been combating all day. Brutal. I have seriously been feeling half dead the since my eyes opened this morning. Yep, I am most definitely not 20 anymore! I cannot believe there was a time when I was such a trooper that I could hit George 5 nights a week and still be functional. Wow, to have that kind of resilience now! The good news is, some Starbucks and a bath seem to have me feeling at least semi-human again...

Japan Tsunami 2011

I'm blown away by these videos. Wow. Just wow. And not in a good way...the devastation is just too big for words.

A Year of Singledom

While the 22nd of February marked a year of being single for me, tomorrow marks a year since I got on the plane to fly home. So I figured now is as good a time as any to sum up the events and accomplishments of re-learning how to be single, re-adjusting to life in Newfoundland, and growing and adapting in general. So, in no particular order, here they are:

1. I chose my own apartment for the first time and learned how to live alone for the first time
2. I picked out and purchased furniture for myself for the first time
3. I got comfortable driving in a city (albeit a small one) and on the highway solo
4. I started hiking and doing yoga again
5. I lost somewhere in the vicinity of 20-25 pounds
6. I started what I hope will eventually become a novel (which has been on the back burner for months and I should probably get back to at some point)
7. I dog sat and cat sat for the first time
8. I learned how to market myself better professionally and got better at meeting people personally and professionally
9. I gave it a shot with an old flame
10. I threw my hat into the online dating arena and met and dated a few different men
11. I busted a cheater
12. I started tutoring
13. I auditioned for and joined a new choir
14. I began volunteering on the local theatre scene
15. I made some new friends and made amends with or distanced myself from some old ones
16. I got used to being able to visit friends and family on the spur of the moment again, which is awesome
17. I played a background extra on Republic of Doyle, which was fun
18. I got reacquainted with George Street and was able to somewhat re-live the good ole days (but with better sense)
19. I re-learned how to play pool (and I'm still not very good at it)
20. I got used to shoveling myself out of my apartment and driveway

AND, most importantly:

I got smarter, stronger, and more confident in general, more attuned to myself and my senses, and my vision learned to see even more shades of grey between the black and the white. I also came to terms with the fact that I cannot save/rescue everyone else and that in order to function and be OK myself I have to create space, a buffer zone if you will, between myself and other people's problems sometimes...and that that doesn't mean I don't care and am not willing to listen and help in any way that I can, but that I can no longer carry the weight of the world on my shoulders (figuratively speaking, of course), as I was always so apt to do.

Yup, all in all it's been a pretty eventful and productive year :-) I leave you with an inspirational cheezy video from my late teenage years/early 20s...

A Before and After of Japan in Aerial Photos

Like so many others, my thoughts and prayers have recently been encompassing the people affected by the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan. A friend of mine posted this link on facebook. I thought it was worth sharing here. The devastation evident in these photographs is just incredible. It's so hard to wrap your head around something like that when you're physically so far away from it...

Another One Bites The Dust

The conversation with the previously mentioned 26 year old died off pretty quickly. I am becoming very adept at scaring males away...probably a good thing, in retrospect. However, I've come to the conclusion that if they spook that easily it's best for it to happen early on...and that if tiny little things do the trick in getting rid of them they were never right for me or worth the effort anyway. Seems to be a valid argument, right?

Once again, though, within a day or two about a half dozen or more other prospects had cropped up to take his place. Yes - I'm becoming active on the dating site again, in case you were wondering. Whether or not any of them pan out, only time will tell. I'm guessing out of the newbies I'll maybe meet one or two and the rest won't go any further than chatting...some of which will probably also be short-lived. Interesting how we connect with some people and not others...and how we can know this almost instantaneously in some cases. It's magical, really...