Reaction to the Interview

The interview went pretty good, I think. I still really don't know whether I can see myself doing the job and enjoying it, but I now have more information to consider. They said they will be in touch either way and that there is a possibility I will be called for a second interview later this week. We shall see what happens. In the meantime, I have to do some soul-searching and number crunching. ...and figure out how I am going to entertain a 6 year old one-on-one for 18 hours this weekend whilst babysitting for a friend.

Strange Days

I hurt today. Everywhere. Yesterday, I decided to start the Vancouver Sun Run training regimen for learning to run. I'm not planning on running any 10k races in the near future, but I thought it would be a good, structured, routine for me to incorporate into my days rather than just doing whatever exercise I feel like whenever I decide to fit it in. So, off I went...It was pretty uneventful and focused until about the midway point. That's when I noticed an old guy standing in his driveway waving at me. I waved back. Then I realized he was shouting something at me. I paused and removed my earphones. He asked me to come in for a minute. I was wary, but walked closer. He then told me that his wife was "on her hands and knees" and unable to get up; that he couldn't lift her. Still feeling cautious, I followed him to his house and waited for him to open the door. Lo and behold, there was his wife, sprawled on the floor in discomfort (and in a state of partial undress). She was more than a little surprised to see me, but, explaining that she has arthritis in her knees and was unable to get up, accepted my help. Her husband and I managed to get her off the floor and onto a chair in the kitchen, where he sat, too. I felt extremely awkward and was unsure how to proceed, so I simply asked whether there was anything else I could do and whether the wife felt she would now be OK or not. She complained of the heat (and actually stripped off her shirt right there in front of me so that she was now just sitting in her bra, which was even more unexpected, but I kept a poker face and acted like it was a totally normal occurrence for me). She asked who I was and where I'm from and where her husband found me. I matter-of-factly stated my name, my hometown and where I'm currently living, and that her husband had flagged me down as I was jogging by. I asked, once again, if they needed anything more while I was there, was thanked and assured that all was well, and left with a, "hope you feel better soon." What was I to do? How do you navigate that kind of situation?

Needless to say, it kind of took the energy out of the rest of my walk/run and I've been thinking about it  off and on ever since. I keep seeing their faces...it must have been very strange for them as well, to have a stranger come into their home under those circumstances. I hope they have family that can help out if needed. The husband seemed rather shaken and wide-eyed and his hands were trembling. The funny thing is, I was going to cancel my walk/run yesterday when I saw the rain. I even came back inside and took off my shoes. But something told me to go anyway. And I did. Perhaps I was meant to help them for some reason. The route I chose yesterday is normally very busy on nice days, but the only other person I saw out and about yesterday was a man riding a bicycle and listening to music, as well. Weird.

On another note, I have an interview tomorrow morning for a job outside my field. It pays about a third of what I make per hour as a casual worker IN my field. The pros are obviously stability and an opportunity to explore other options. The cons? Well, I'm actually terrified of missing a chance to finally advance my chosen career (I was given some hope a couple of months ago that something might be coming my way in the near future, but it's still a waiting game). I'm scared of committing to something that pays the same or less than I would make on call, but demands more of my time. I'm also filled with fear of the unknown and of making the wrong decision. On top of that, I'm also still considering the cooking on the side business and the possibility of sticking it out doing what I do but trying again to find a part time gig with which to supplement my income. All I really want is to feel like I am being productive, making progress and working towards goals with Boyfriend as effectively as possible...and doing something fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying to get there so I don't get the sensation I am wasting my life. Problem is, half the time I feel that I am wasting my life right now.

My energy has been off for days now. I have been feeling frustrated and isolated and stressing about everything. This is when being a grownup sucks. The neon sign I have been praying for for the past 3 years or so just isn't falling from the sky and the clock never stops ticking.

My New Obsession

So, it seems the biggest thing I do with my time these days is prepare food. Yep, that's where the majority of it goes - between planning, cooking, baking, portioning, and cleaning up, it's a bit demanding. The upside is that I feel good about what I'm putting into my body (for the most part) and we don't see much food go to waste here: we buy exactly what we need and it gets used. There will be the odd time when some produce will find it's demise in the refrigerator, but it isn't often. I haven't fully decided whether or not to dive in to the cook-for-pay realm, but I have started pricing out some recipes to determine feasibility.

I've also renewed my commitment to get more regular exercise. Last night I did this video, which I found here. It's only 8ish minutes to do, but I felt it! My glutes are definitely hurting today!!

Pinterest has become a bit of an addiction for me, as well, of late. My new found passion for clean eating has translated into hours spent searching for delicious sounding eats. There are TONS. Inevitably, this leads to perusing the websites connected with the pins and so on and so forth and bookmarking the good stuff (and fitness stuff, too). 

I'm also rethinking the role dairy plays in my diet. I love the stuff, but I'm starting to see a connection since cutting it out for a couple of weeks: now that it's been re-introduced, the small patches of eczema on my hands seem to be flaring up; they were all but non-existent while abstaining. Hmmm.... 

The Mundane

Our budget kicks in tomorrow. I'm hoping it will be a success. We have only planned for August, so far, as our incomes and expenses will be fluctuating a bit until things settle down. However, I'm excited for the trial run nonetheless.

I find myself spending oodles of time cruising the Net for healthy recipes to try. Meal planning and grocery lists detailing exactly what is needed and a price estimate per item have become almost second-nature by now, as well. It's good.

Now I have to get to that workout schedule and housekeeping schedule I've been meaning to create to keep me on track. What better time than a rainy day to tackle that?

Hello Wagon

Just as I thought, the weekend got us off track. I did prepare a bunch of food for us to bring out of town, and that did help alleviate the temptations, but we still strayed from our plan more than anticipated. Of course, I also got violently seasick and couldn't stomach the thought of most food for a day and a half so I gave in and ate what usually works with hangovers for me: greasy take out. It did the trick, and we are back on track today. I just finished another week's meal plan and I'm pumped about eating healthy again and hopefully getting an exercise/workout schedule on the go finally. Let's hope the foray into the dark side of eats and relative lack of activity are not too difficult to undo!

Bugs in My Ear

Firstly, I bravely surveyed the damage to date by stepping on the scale this morning. I have re-gained 1lb (Boyfriend gained 1.6). Not un-do-able, thankfully. I didn't check my measurements this week. The plan is to do as well as we can whilst out of town this weekend, but not be too hard on ourselves if we indulge a little. Back on track next week and hoping to start a new routine of daily morning walks with a friend.

Now, the bugs in my ear, you ask, what, pray tell, are they? Well, firstly, Boyfriend has it in his head to produce board games together. I am not quite sure what to make of this idea. He has already partially developed one and we did a mock up together of a second. He is very excited at the prospect and has been doing research into what's required. Secondly, I did a whole lotta cooking and baking in the past 48 hours and, as Boyfriend and I were eating our dinner/supper last night (depending where you are), he happened to nonchalantly point out that this could be a business for me: cooking for other people in some capacity. I didn't really pay it much heed at the time. It (in the form of Chef) came up as a possible option in the STRONG test I did recently as well and I dismissed it as something I like to do for family and friends in the comfort of my home and not something I had ever considered as a career. However, I mentioned the idea to a friend last night and she immediately jumped on it, added her spin on the idea (narrowing in on a certain clientele and certain methods), and said I should go for it if it's something I would enjoy - that there would be a huge demand for it and there are so many ways I could go about marketing myself etc etc etc. So, last night and this morning have found me actually contemplating this. Could it really work? Is it something I'd really want to do? I think, at the very least, I owe it to myself to look into it further and evaluate its potential as a side business, if nothing else. Then there is my beloved dream of writing. Forever on the back burner and never brought to fruition. Why is it that anything that requires some sort of risk scares the bejesus out of me to the point where I am stuck spinning my wheels in inaction?

Progress

Yesterday was pretty much a write-off in terms of staying on track with clean eating. After locking ourselves out of our apartment and waiting an hour or so for our landlord to get home and rescue us, Boyfriend and I were behind on getting groceries and were famished by the time we got back. This meant that, instead of the healthy meal I had planned, I improvised and threw together a pasta concoction (made with whole wheat pasta, chicken, veggies, broth, cornstarch, spices, and a sprinkling of Parmesan - so still relatively healthy) to save time. We also indulged in an absolute glutinous amount of chocolate cake (which I had broken down and bought him as a surprise because - let's face it - a birthday just doesn't feel right without cake!) and I had a glass of wine. This morning, again, I felt the aftereffects quite acutely: an upset stomach, tiredness, fogginess, headache, lungs that felt like I had smoked a pack of cigarettes the night before (although I'm still not sure how that could possibly related to eating crap, it does seem to be correlated for me based on recent experiences)...So, I resolved to get back on the wagon this morning and do the best I can again today. We ate a good breakfast, I got busy doing laundry and started making food to bring on the out of town trip (so far, I've got homemade granola, peanut butter balls sans chocolate and sugar, and a banana nut loaf. I'm about to get started on apple coleslaw, green salad with chicken, and trail mix. We'll see how much more than that I accomplish before the day is out).

In addition to all the cooking, baking, and preparing, I managed to do a detoxing yoga sequence and WOW what a sweat. I now feel absolutely drained physically (but, oh so much better!) and I'm hoping the spinach and berry shake I just ingested will kick in with some energy boosting goodness soon. In the meantime, I thought it was the perfect time to flex my writing muscles a little via this blog post and, whilst reflecting on yesterday's and last week's diet transgressions, I started to ponder progress: what it means and what it looks like. I have to say, I used to think it was more-or-less a straight path with points along the way tracking how far you'd come or when you'd reached a certain milestone. Now I see that it's not necessarily that way. Progress to me, in this particular instance, is measured by my conscious acceptance of a few days off track punctuated by a desire and determination to eat better and exercise more regularly immediately, during, and after straying from my path. I am not beating up on myself, and my motivation is not to punish myself for "cheating." Rather, I feel that I genuinely want to take the best care of myself that I can as consistently as I can. I am not attempting to force myself to do something because I am aware that I should. I WANT TO. I am finally loving myself and embracing a life change instead of a temporary fix. It feels good. And when I consider the path that brought me here to this point, it was most definitely not a straight line and it didn't always have benchmarks illustrating how far I'd come in my journey. But I'm here. I've finally arrived...in this aspect, at least. And I am committed to embracing the changes and improving on them. Yay me!