I have finally made the move to try subbing in central during the week and so I'm currently residing with the parents again....well, until Friday when I go back to my own residence for the weekend and decide what to do for the following week. So far there have been no calls, but I just got here tonight and was told that I'd be added to the list today so I guess that means tomorrow is the first day I could potentially expect a call. We shall see what happens...I am thinking I had best get myself prepared to go to work just in case.
My second national TV appearance (insignificant though it may be) is set to air tomorrow night (I'll be in the background on R.O.D, if you haven't guessed) and I will be singing with my choir on Saturday, provided I can make it back to town in time for the dress rehearsal Friday night.
The 34 year old has moved to the front of the dating candidates pack. I'm not sure when I will be meeting him, but I'm hoping it will be in the near future (which he has also said...but he has yet to ask me and I'll be damned if I ask him first). I think it's important to find out whether there is any attraction/chemistry/interest in person before too long rather than converse indefinitely and have no idea...that makes it a little pointless and false in my opinion, as you can't fake or force that stuff - it's either there or it isn't. We do seem to be in agreement on a lot of things that would make him a good candidate to possibly build something meaningful with, but that's all very much dependent on what happens (or doesn't happen) after we've met.
...and that's my life in a nutshell this evening, as far as I can tell...
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Awesomeness
The Book of Awesome recently caught my attention at Chapters. I thought it was a great idea and so decided to follow it up online by visiting 1000 Awesome Things . In honor of that, I give to you my own short list of today's awesomeness for me off the top of my head (in no particular order):
1. It's a snow day! YAY!
2. The way my mother always leaves me voicemail messages in a singsong voice.
3. People have been talking positively and asking about me in a professional context. Awesome.
4. I am living in the same city as my best friends and my brother. What could be better than that???
5. I am looking forward to attending two parties tomorrow night. Sweet...
6. The Caramilk egg I had for dessert after lunch. YUM.
7. Shovelling after writing this will provide me with exercise for today. Bonus.
8. Yoga and a bath after shovelling would be most excellent. We shall see if I can make that happen...
9. I have the best cousin in the world who has a way of taking self-imposed pressure off of me. I love her so much for understanding and being able to do that.
10. I'm happy...which is always awesome :-)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Rays of Light
On the work front:
So ever since I made up my mind to go to Central the calls have been picking up. A case of "God helps those who help themselves," perhaps? I have my new criminal record check all ready to go, anyway, so I guess I just continue to play it by ear. It's still sporadic and it's hard to be in limbo from day to day, but at least the situation has improved. I actually made up my mind to go home last Monday and ended up getting 4 days of work that week and then this week I was all set to go again but got a call Sunday night, which led into work on Tuesday and Wednesday as well. Two of those were half days, however, so I guess really it only counts as 2 days of work. Better than back in the fall, but perhaps still not good enough to warrant sticking it out for the time being when I could maybe be getting 3-4 days every week....MAYBE. It's a shame none of it can be predicted, though. One never knows when another teacher will be away or whether they'll be called to fill in for him/her during that absence. And my mother just informed me that a couple of principals out in Central have been inquiring about me again...sigh...I just keep my fingers crossed and say a little prayer every night for someone/something to guide me and help me figure out what to do.
On the latest hurt front:
I think I am getting there in regard to moving past the cheating bastard...for real this time. I just needed some more time to process and wrap my head around a few things, adjust my thought patterns toward the situation, and let go of the missing and the associated feelings. He doesn't occupy my mind so much and I don't miss him as much and I don't torture myself so much with "what if" scenarios. So weird how we do that to ourselves. Even after we've decided it isn't right for us, we have moments of weakness when those thoughts creep back in and hold our minds and hearts hostage. I just keep reminding myself that he does not deserve a moment of my time or energy - whether he's aware of having it or not - and that even if his girlfriend did buy whatever bullshit he fed her, at some point she will have to face the truth and will probably be kicking herself for staying. Much as he obviously wasn't into me in an honest, I'm-free-and-want-to-get-to-know-you-and-give-this-a-shot sense, he's also not into her if he could do what he did. Which, even though I know he is not worthy of me anyway, makes me feel better for some reason.
On the dating front:
There are a few new prospects on the horizon...leading the pack are a 34 year old, a 31 year old and a - GASP! - 24 year old?!?! How did THAT happen??? I have yet to meet any of them, but have been conversing with each of them and trying to get a feel for their personalities and a sense of whether or not there are many commonalities. I've also turned down a few invites to dinners and coffees from other men for various reasons...although as I'm typing this I'm wondering if I should perhaps reconsider on one of those...I wonder if it's too late? Hmm...
...Back to the current top 3 jockeying for position, though...it's so odd how fleeting and fickle the whole online thing can be. The littlest things can make an impact one way or another and conversations spark and dwindle, and reignite in some cases, in such an unpredictable way. Sorry...just pondering that one out loud...or onscreen, as the case may be. Anyway, the 34 year old is probably most interesting to me at this particular point in time, but the 31 year old is most attentive and the 24 year old is just downright sweet. I would normally not even consider someone so young in a potentially romantic light, but after a week of chatting he screwed up the courage to ask me about it...
In all honesty, I met a 25 year old back in the fall and afterwards told myself, "Never again." It just felt so weird to me. Same deal with the 43 year old I also met back in the fall. They kind of pushed the limits of my comfort zone in terms of age range of romantic interests, and neither of them made a very positive impression on me (although in retrospect this was probably more due to a lack of chemistry and/or attraction than their respective ages. I'm sure I would have been more forgiving and willing to look past that if the maturity was there in the 25 year old or the attraction was there with the 43 year old)...so I've been more careful when deciding whether or not to meet guys close to those ages. Most times I've shied away, but there were a few 26 year olds I was willing to give a chance. Then again, when I first looked at online dating, I wasn't even going to consider 28 and 29 year olds. It was 30 and up and even 30 was pushing it.
I guess you could say I've reevaluated my concept of a comfortable and acceptable age range to date several times in the past year. However, at this point, more and more, I'm of the opinion that it depends on the person in question. I know, I know, it's a no-brainer. It's easy to generalize though, especially with the younger guys - and I really am more hesitant to meet them because of it - but the truth is, there are older guys who are still into the same things and behaving the same way. SO, while I don't plan on dating any 20 year olds anytime in the foreseeable future, I'm thinking 24 may not be that bad as long as the 24 year old in question is on the same page as I am. My mother met my stepfather when he was 25ish and she was in her early 30s and they have been together ever since. So, despite my skepticism, I know it is possible to connect with someone younger. Likewise, I have a friend who is 30 and with a 42 year old and happier than she's ever been...but that side of things in relation to myself weirds me out even more because that's just too close to my stepfather's age. So yeah, while I tend to avoid those situations, I'm not closing myself off to the possibility entirely...while my Mr. Right would ideally be between 26-36 at this point in the reevaluation process, I wouldn't want to overlook him due to self-imposed age restrictions. Which brings us back to the no-brainer...if someone intrigues me and I feel the potential for a good connection, I owe it to myself to explore it. Wouldn't you agree?
So ever since I made up my mind to go to Central the calls have been picking up. A case of "God helps those who help themselves," perhaps? I have my new criminal record check all ready to go, anyway, so I guess I just continue to play it by ear. It's still sporadic and it's hard to be in limbo from day to day, but at least the situation has improved. I actually made up my mind to go home last Monday and ended up getting 4 days of work that week and then this week I was all set to go again but got a call Sunday night, which led into work on Tuesday and Wednesday as well. Two of those were half days, however, so I guess really it only counts as 2 days of work. Better than back in the fall, but perhaps still not good enough to warrant sticking it out for the time being when I could maybe be getting 3-4 days every week....MAYBE. It's a shame none of it can be predicted, though. One never knows when another teacher will be away or whether they'll be called to fill in for him/her during that absence. And my mother just informed me that a couple of principals out in Central have been inquiring about me again...sigh...I just keep my fingers crossed and say a little prayer every night for someone/something to guide me and help me figure out what to do.
On the latest hurt front:
I think I am getting there in regard to moving past the cheating bastard...for real this time. I just needed some more time to process and wrap my head around a few things, adjust my thought patterns toward the situation, and let go of the missing and the associated feelings. He doesn't occupy my mind so much and I don't miss him as much and I don't torture myself so much with "what if" scenarios. So weird how we do that to ourselves. Even after we've decided it isn't right for us, we have moments of weakness when those thoughts creep back in and hold our minds and hearts hostage. I just keep reminding myself that he does not deserve a moment of my time or energy - whether he's aware of having it or not - and that even if his girlfriend did buy whatever bullshit he fed her, at some point she will have to face the truth and will probably be kicking herself for staying. Much as he obviously wasn't into me in an honest, I'm-free-and-want-to-get-to-know-you-and-give-this-a-shot sense, he's also not into her if he could do what he did. Which, even though I know he is not worthy of me anyway, makes me feel better for some reason.
On the dating front:
There are a few new prospects on the horizon...leading the pack are a 34 year old, a 31 year old and a - GASP! - 24 year old?!?! How did THAT happen??? I have yet to meet any of them, but have been conversing with each of them and trying to get a feel for their personalities and a sense of whether or not there are many commonalities. I've also turned down a few invites to dinners and coffees from other men for various reasons...although as I'm typing this I'm wondering if I should perhaps reconsider on one of those...I wonder if it's too late? Hmm...
...Back to the current top 3 jockeying for position, though...it's so odd how fleeting and fickle the whole online thing can be. The littlest things can make an impact one way or another and conversations spark and dwindle, and reignite in some cases, in such an unpredictable way. Sorry...just pondering that one out loud...or onscreen, as the case may be. Anyway, the 34 year old is probably most interesting to me at this particular point in time, but the 31 year old is most attentive and the 24 year old is just downright sweet. I would normally not even consider someone so young in a potentially romantic light, but after a week of chatting he screwed up the courage to ask me about it...
In all honesty, I met a 25 year old back in the fall and afterwards told myself, "Never again." It just felt so weird to me. Same deal with the 43 year old I also met back in the fall. They kind of pushed the limits of my comfort zone in terms of age range of romantic interests, and neither of them made a very positive impression on me (although in retrospect this was probably more due to a lack of chemistry and/or attraction than their respective ages. I'm sure I would have been more forgiving and willing to look past that if the maturity was there in the 25 year old or the attraction was there with the 43 year old)...so I've been more careful when deciding whether or not to meet guys close to those ages. Most times I've shied away, but there were a few 26 year olds I was willing to give a chance. Then again, when I first looked at online dating, I wasn't even going to consider 28 and 29 year olds. It was 30 and up and even 30 was pushing it.
I guess you could say I've reevaluated my concept of a comfortable and acceptable age range to date several times in the past year. However, at this point, more and more, I'm of the opinion that it depends on the person in question. I know, I know, it's a no-brainer. It's easy to generalize though, especially with the younger guys - and I really am more hesitant to meet them because of it - but the truth is, there are older guys who are still into the same things and behaving the same way. SO, while I don't plan on dating any 20 year olds anytime in the foreseeable future, I'm thinking 24 may not be that bad as long as the 24 year old in question is on the same page as I am. My mother met my stepfather when he was 25ish and she was in her early 30s and they have been together ever since. So, despite my skepticism, I know it is possible to connect with someone younger. Likewise, I have a friend who is 30 and with a 42 year old and happier than she's ever been...but that side of things in relation to myself weirds me out even more because that's just too close to my stepfather's age. So yeah, while I tend to avoid those situations, I'm not closing myself off to the possibility entirely...while my Mr. Right would ideally be between 26-36 at this point in the reevaluation process, I wouldn't want to overlook him due to self-imposed age restrictions. Which brings us back to the no-brainer...if someone intrigues me and I feel the potential for a good connection, I owe it to myself to explore it. Wouldn't you agree?
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Alone
I am very much aware of my aloneness today. I've been feeling spacey and out of sorts...lonely...and disappointed at the lack of anything remotely exciting this weekend. But that's it I suppose. Not that I was fit to do anything yesterday anyway with how exhausted I was. However, at times like these I feel the need to make more single friends at the very least. It's like there's a hole in my life or something. I feel empty inside, yet not. It's so hard to explain. I guess part of me never stopped fighting acceptance of that aspect of singleness...that there will be times when I will be sitting at home bored and restless and have no one around but me to keep myself from going insane. And in a way I have come to terms with it. I'm comfortable with being home alone...although I'd rather have been out having fun tonight. Ah well, there's always next weekend I guess...Welcome to being an adult, right?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Recommended Reading for Single Girls
After talking to several different guy friends and my darling brother off and on over the past year (using them as sounding boards, if you will), I noticed there was very much a common theme in a lot of what they were telling me...and it was not what the average guy would want you to know or even admit to. It allowed me to look at things in a different light and I'm very glad they helped refresh my understanding of the male brain and open my eyes to some realizations that had never fully computed prior to now. It also inspired me to enrich my library with some new reading material that seemed to be in agreement with their words of wisdom but perhaps a little more in depth and eloquently put - besides, it never hurts to have that stuff in writing so you can remind yourself (or smack yourself in the head or whatever) whenever the occasion requires. So, without further ado, I pass this knowledge on to you (ESPECIALLY if you don't have any guys in your life brave enough to be straight and candid with you when you go looking for their opinions/advice).
If you, my single sisters, are tired of the crap and willing to learn and be enlightened, do yourselves a favour - get these and make them your Bibles:
Why Men Love Bitches
and/or
Why Men Marry Bitches (I think I mentioned these previously in a post somewhere)
and
He's Just Not That Into You
I will, of course, add to the list at a later date if I discover others I would consider essential guides for single women everywhere...
If you, my single sisters, are tired of the crap and willing to learn and be enlightened, do yourselves a favour - get these and make them your Bibles:
Why Men Love Bitches
and/or
Why Men Marry Bitches (I think I mentioned these previously in a post somewhere)
and
He's Just Not That Into You
I will, of course, add to the list at a later date if I discover others I would consider essential guides for single women everywhere...
Reminders of Age
Happy belated St. Paddy's Day! I celebrated by heading downtown with one of my girls. We had plenty reason to celebrate too, since it was her birthday earlier in the week and it was also the anniversary of my coming home. Couldn't very well let all that pass by unacknowledged, now could we? Anyway, cover was outrageous at the Irish bars and they were packed, but overall it was a pretty good night. What was not so good was the headache I was contending with in the wee hours of the morning or the tiredness I have been combating all day. Brutal. I have seriously been feeling half dead the since my eyes opened this morning. Yep, I am most definitely not 20 anymore! I cannot believe there was a time when I was such a trooper that I could hit George 5 nights a week and still be functional. Wow, to have that kind of resilience now! The good news is, some Starbucks and a bath seem to have me feeling at least semi-human again...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Japan Tsunami 2011
I'm blown away by these videos. Wow. Just wow. And not in a good way...the devastation is just too big for words.
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