Well I was doing great there for a while. I was putting the focus back on me, where it belongs...my life, my ambitions, my dreams and desires, and feeling quite good about my progress...However, I got sidetracked and new developments have caused some bitterness to seep in tonight. I'm hoping it won't last too long. In the meantime, I'm very tempted to just say the hell with it and stay single forever...or perhaps start batting for the other team...? Nah. Although it would mean I wouldn't have to ever look at the opposite sex as potential mates again. Which could be a good thing since there seem to be very few (if any?) crossing my path who would be worthy of my consideration.
I recently made the mistake of letting my judgment become clouded and being a dumb girl who got blinded by some guy selling her a line. Or was it deluded herself because she wanted to see things that weren't there? Either way...mistake. And so now I'm finding out things that are bothering me about someone who isn't even worth my time and energy. And it stings. So I ask you - why, oh why, do we torture ourselves with thoughts about people and things that shouldn't matter? Why do we let ourselves get sucked into caring about people and things that are simply not worth the effort? How come it's not so easy to just flip a switch, turn it off, and make it go away? I really hope this time I will learn (why do I feel like I'm repeating myself?). My eyes are certainly open right now. Let's hope they stay that way!
...and oddly enough, as I am writing this and stewing in discomfort and negativity, I am receiving support via text from the most unlikely source - an old flame who was once that jerk who misled me but has somehow over the years turned into an odd sort of (platonic!) friend. How's that for irony? (Although I'm pretty sure I still have to be on my guard and careful of ulterior motives where that one is concerned - just in case - it's still nice to have someone cheer you up when you are feeling defeated and need it most).
So anyway, it's back to the drawing board and re-clearing my head to see what I can figure out and get sorted for the betterment of myself and my life - sans non-platonic males for the time being. I did actually go one step further and gave another platonic male friend (and by the way, one of the guys I dated over the past weeks told me I've probably scared off numerous romantic interests simply due to the fact that I have guy friends - what's up with that? Perhaps some further exploration to come on that issue...) permission to kick me in the head if he sees me being stupid over some creep again...to which he responded that he had tried to give me several mental kicks this time but they didn't work. Sigh. I never claimed that I wasn't stubborn sometimes...but I did humbly submit that I am in a different frame of mind now and promised to pay more heed if further kicks were to come.
Some quick updates I'm not sure if I've mentioned: Work - (SIGH) still in the air and undecided as to which path to take. Theatre - so far, harder to break into than I thought down here. Choir - in like Flynn and lovin it :). Living solo - the bomb.
I have been reading a most interesting book lately, too, which I have been meaning to blog about. I think it should be required reading for all women. Yep, definitely gotta write about that soon...