Monday, April 18, 2011
Grudgingly Conceding Defeat
I give up. It's official...Mr. Spectacular doesn't exist. I've been pretty sure that he is out there somewhere and always contradict my friends when they say such cynical things, but I think the sooner I accept that I was wrong and get it through my thick skull the better off I'll be. It looks like it's off to the glue factory for the dark horse...it was nice having that warm fuzzy feeling and knowing someone was 100% there for the brief time it lasted...as much as you can be 100% there long distance without having met (which sounds even more ludicrous without the warm fuzzy feeling to behind it). I sensed him pulling away and called him on it (his reason/excuse was that the reality of the situation had hit him in the face and if he were here we would definitely be giving it a try...who knows if that's the case or not, but I was grounding myself in reality until he convinced me to believe. Disappointing, to say the least, to take a leap of faith and then find your parachute isn't opening). In any case, I then decided to remove myself from the situation. Tough. But probably for the best. He was right, though, when he said it felt like a break up even though we hadn't even met. So weird. I feel like an idiot for putting so much faith in a man, but this one really did seem different and really did appear to be everything I was looking for...and claimed the same about me...guess now we'll never know...So, currently there are no interests on the horizon and no urge to re-open an online dating account. I just feel like I'm done. Ah, life...and the lessons I have stacked up...Memo to self: there is a reason you didn't put any real stock into meeting someone online, another reason you wouldn't previously entertain the notion of meeting and dating someone too far away to meet as soon as the comfort level was there, and yet another reason you have always shied away from long distance stuff in general...please do not ever forget that and get swept away again.