Batter Up!

Amidst the comings and goings of company, babysitting for my friend, and helping my brother move - as well as treading water trying to keep up with the necessary mundane tasks - I have had to admit momentary defeat as far as keeping active and eating clean. Sad times. I'm not actually upset, though. Things will be fine as soon as we have our own space back. And I got some fantastic news: I will be employed for the next 4 months. Yay for stability! I was so excited I literally did a happy dance on the spot...followed by a little shedding of relieved tears to know that I have stability and financial security for at least a third of the year. Of course, along with all the happiness, excitement, and relief, is also a sense of nervous anticipation tinged with fear. It's been awhile since I had a real turn at bat to show what I'm made of in the field. I hope I am up to snuff.

All's Well...

It's hard to believe the summer is coming to a close (although I've been fighting to stay in denial on this fact). I've just survived a very busy week and I'm headed into another after a day or two of brief reprieve. Despite planning and preparation, between my cousin's wedding, a trip to see the parents, and visitors coming and going, It's been challenging (to say the least) to stay even remotely close to the clean eating menus I've been busting my butt to create. Exercise has been largely non-existent (unless you count dancing at the wedding). However, I'm back to my own abode and I am still determined to stick with it all as best I can. Hopefully things will settle into a semblance of consistency again once this week is done. Boyfriend and I are planning a couple of small outings to try and take advantage of what's left of the weather, since we have hardly enjoyed any time together outside at all this summer. I'm quite looking forward to it. In the meantime, I am remembering to cut myself a little slack instead of pummelling the mental and emotional crap out of myself for every little transgression. Progress, right?

Self Bombardment

Still no word from the interviewers. I'm actually relieved, as I am still debating which path to take with regards to work/career. At home, I've been trying really hard to be more organized and keep up with everything but it seems my attempts to simplify and keep better track of things are backfiring. Instead, I find that I am creating more work for myself and Boyfriend just dismisses the lists and charts without a second glance. It's frustrating. I feel like all my time goes into trying to manage and maintain the household but I am spinning my wheels. I have yet to do most of the things I wanted to do this summer, and the majority of the season has already slipped through my fingers. I have hardly seen my friends at all and feel alienated. I am just coming out of a very busy week of helping other people out (not to say there was no mutual benefit, because there was) and heading into another that looks to be just as hectic. Then there is the overwhelming feeling of failure and self-displeasure at my recent lack of follow-through. I never was one to say I was going to do something and then not do it, but that seems to be what has been happening of late. The Vancouver Sun Run training, for instance? The one excursion that ended with the odd incident was the only time I did that so far. Where is my ability to do and achieve hibernating? And why, oh why, can I not strike the right balance between everything and keep it there??? Sometimes I wish my brain was incapable of so much thought.

Reaction to the Interview

The interview went pretty good, I think. I still really don't know whether I can see myself doing the job and enjoying it, but I now have more information to consider. They said they will be in touch either way and that there is a possibility I will be called for a second interview later this week. We shall see what happens. In the meantime, I have to do some soul-searching and number crunching. ...and figure out how I am going to entertain a 6 year old one-on-one for 18 hours this weekend whilst babysitting for a friend.

Strange Days

I hurt today. Everywhere. Yesterday, I decided to start the Vancouver Sun Run training regimen for learning to run. I'm not planning on running any 10k races in the near future, but I thought it would be a good, structured, routine for me to incorporate into my days rather than just doing whatever exercise I feel like whenever I decide to fit it in. So, off I went...It was pretty uneventful and focused until about the midway point. That's when I noticed an old guy standing in his driveway waving at me. I waved back. Then I realized he was shouting something at me. I paused and removed my earphones. He asked me to come in for a minute. I was wary, but walked closer. He then told me that his wife was "on her hands and knees" and unable to get up; that he couldn't lift her. Still feeling cautious, I followed him to his house and waited for him to open the door. Lo and behold, there was his wife, sprawled on the floor in discomfort (and in a state of partial undress). She was more than a little surprised to see me, but, explaining that she has arthritis in her knees and was unable to get up, accepted my help. Her husband and I managed to get her off the floor and onto a chair in the kitchen, where he sat, too. I felt extremely awkward and was unsure how to proceed, so I simply asked whether there was anything else I could do and whether the wife felt she would now be OK or not. She complained of the heat (and actually stripped off her shirt right there in front of me so that she was now just sitting in her bra, which was even more unexpected, but I kept a poker face and acted like it was a totally normal occurrence for me). She asked who I was and where I'm from and where her husband found me. I matter-of-factly stated my name, my hometown and where I'm currently living, and that her husband had flagged me down as I was jogging by. I asked, once again, if they needed anything more while I was there, was thanked and assured that all was well, and left with a, "hope you feel better soon." What was I to do? How do you navigate that kind of situation?

Needless to say, it kind of took the energy out of the rest of my walk/run and I've been thinking about it  off and on ever since. I keep seeing their faces...it must have been very strange for them as well, to have a stranger come into their home under those circumstances. I hope they have family that can help out if needed. The husband seemed rather shaken and wide-eyed and his hands were trembling. The funny thing is, I was going to cancel my walk/run yesterday when I saw the rain. I even came back inside and took off my shoes. But something told me to go anyway. And I did. Perhaps I was meant to help them for some reason. The route I chose yesterday is normally very busy on nice days, but the only other person I saw out and about yesterday was a man riding a bicycle and listening to music, as well. Weird.

On another note, I have an interview tomorrow morning for a job outside my field. It pays about a third of what I make per hour as a casual worker IN my field. The pros are obviously stability and an opportunity to explore other options. The cons? Well, I'm actually terrified of missing a chance to finally advance my chosen career (I was given some hope a couple of months ago that something might be coming my way in the near future, but it's still a waiting game). I'm scared of committing to something that pays the same or less than I would make on call, but demands more of my time. I'm also filled with fear of the unknown and of making the wrong decision. On top of that, I'm also still considering the cooking on the side business and the possibility of sticking it out doing what I do but trying again to find a part time gig with which to supplement my income. All I really want is to feel like I am being productive, making progress and working towards goals with Boyfriend as effectively as possible...and doing something fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying to get there so I don't get the sensation I am wasting my life. Problem is, half the time I feel that I am wasting my life right now.

My energy has been off for days now. I have been feeling frustrated and isolated and stressing about everything. This is when being a grownup sucks. The neon sign I have been praying for for the past 3 years or so just isn't falling from the sky and the clock never stops ticking.

My New Obsession

So, it seems the biggest thing I do with my time these days is prepare food. Yep, that's where the majority of it goes - between planning, cooking, baking, portioning, and cleaning up, it's a bit demanding. The upside is that I feel good about what I'm putting into my body (for the most part) and we don't see much food go to waste here: we buy exactly what we need and it gets used. There will be the odd time when some produce will find it's demise in the refrigerator, but it isn't often. I haven't fully decided whether or not to dive in to the cook-for-pay realm, but I have started pricing out some recipes to determine feasibility.

I've also renewed my commitment to get more regular exercise. Last night I did this video, which I found here. It's only 8ish minutes to do, but I felt it! My glutes are definitely hurting today!!

Pinterest has become a bit of an addiction for me, as well, of late. My new found passion for clean eating has translated into hours spent searching for delicious sounding eats. There are TONS. Inevitably, this leads to perusing the websites connected with the pins and so on and so forth and bookmarking the good stuff (and fitness stuff, too). 

I'm also rethinking the role dairy plays in my diet. I love the stuff, but I'm starting to see a connection since cutting it out for a couple of weeks: now that it's been re-introduced, the small patches of eczema on my hands seem to be flaring up; they were all but non-existent while abstaining. Hmmm....