Saturday, February 26, 2011
While talking to a friend this morning (whom I've never met), I got to thinking about the concept of "The One" again. There seem to be split camps on the issue and I no longer know where I fall. It used to be that I believed strongly in there being one true soul mate for each of us; that one incredible person who revealed themselves to be the other half of our whole. The one person we could never live without again who awed us to no end.
Then I grew up. And I gathered some life experience...did some thinking and observing and living. It started to occur to me that most people don't experience that. It's more a case of choosing someone you can love and accept despite their faults. Someone who will be there and work with you on common life goals. Or, in the case of the less than lucky, someone to try and force it to work with...a person to battle with and fight against while stubbornly refusing (or being too afraid) to throw in the towel.
I asked a friend of mine a while back, "How did you know your husband was the right man?" Her response was, "You just know. Everything started to fall into place and it was just so easy and it all happened pretty fast once it started." It was kind of like the response I got from my cousin when I was 18 and asked, "How do you know you're in love?" and she, of course, replied, "I can't explain it. You just know."
Well, I've been infatuated more than my share of times and I've been in a couple of pretty serious relationships, but so far no one has really WOWed me. Well, OK, a couple have...but that was more a case of the infatuation outweighing the reality of them as people. It's so disappointing sometimes, isn't it? Finding out that you thought someone was so much better than they actually are...? Anyway, I digress...
In this morning's conversation, I expressed that it seems to me that while a lot of couples out there ARE "forcing" it (or trying their damnedest to, in any case), there are those incidents where you just kind of seem to find yourself in someone else's life and be compelled to act on it or regret it forever. And I think in those cases you do, indeed, "just know." I think that we meet and experience a few bad apples so that when someone who deserves us comes along we understand enough to properly appreciate the gift that they are and suddenly all that prior experience makes sense as the precursor we required to prepare for this.
I also think that the powers that be present us with this person we can't ignore when we are prepared for it. That doesn't necessarily mean when we THINK we are prepared either, but when we actually ARE. There are times when you think you are ready for something and when you get it you realize that you most definitely are not. Likewise, there are times when you think you are NOT ready for something, yet when it arrives you find that you have no problem handling it at all. Not that I view soul mates as things that need to be "handled" - more like pieces that seamlessly fit into their proper place in the puzzle when the other pieces are aligned. I'm currently assembling and solidifying the package of pieces that constitutes my own life. Once they have been fully assembled, I'll be much better able to identify the person who is supposed to occupy the space that is left. In the meantime, I am free - almost obligated, really - to try a few different fits and see how they work. Of course, they will all inevitably be going to the discard pile of odd puzzle pieces for other people to sort through until they are identified by their rightful match...and someone out there is doing the same thing in their search for me. The magic happens when the time is right and we finally discover each other.
So, yeah, I guess I kinda do still believe in there being one person I'm meant to be with, even though it could potentially work with several. Perhaps it just depends on which of those shows up in my life first? Or perhaps it's already been decided and chance has no bearing on who it will be. And perhaps it has a lot to do with my own personal level of contentment and patience...