Thursday, June 2, 2011

Seeking Solace

What do you do when your world has been in shambles around your feet for longer than you anticipated? Where do you turn? How do you fill the void? They say the greatest growth occurs when we are tested...either mine has been stunted or I'm so lost right now that I don't remember how. I feel trapped in this empty place where I am frustrated and unfulfilled. I want to put myself on the right track, but I'll be damned if I know what that is anymore...if I ever did. Nothing brings comfort at this point. I see no point in anything anymore and I ache. I guess the only thing to do is to keep moving and trying to rebuild...but I'm tired. I am so tired of waiting and trying to be patient. I am so tired of feeling unsatisfied. I hope and I wish and I pray, but nothing seems to change. They say you must be the change you want to see in the world...or something like that...where has my motivation gone? What can I try that I haven't already? Who can I talk to? Where can I go? How do I make things the way I want them? Do I even know what that looks like anymore? When is this going to get better.....?
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6 comments:

  1. TNLJune 3, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    :( I hope things change quickly for you. This post made me sad. Take care, and try to seek out something positive. Its there. *hugs*

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  2. BayGirlJune 4, 2011 at 1:15 AM

    Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and support. I know there must be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere...it's just been difficult to keep my chin up and have faith recently. I'm working on it though. I certainly don't like feeling/being this way. I much prefer being my happy, bubbly self...but she's not made much of an appearance in recent weeks unfortunately. I hope that changes soon as well. In the meantime, the hugs are greatly appreciated.

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  3. ChrisJune 4, 2011 at 10:38 AM

    So sorry to hear things are not going well BG. And your post sounds like it's been particularly bad of late.

    I could take the condescending – albeit well intended route - and say everything will be okay, it’s always darkest before the dawn, etc; but that doesn't help. I've been there too - I guess everyone has to one degree or another - and the best answer I could give is that there are no easy answers.

    Maybe a change in your daily routine, a trip or visit or call to an old friend may help. I dunno. But keep in mind that things will improve over time but often time can be a bitch.

    All the best. And I mean that.

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  4. BayGirlJune 4, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    Thanks Chris. It has been incredibly challenging to try and keep my spirits up lately and I've been failing more often than not. Time can indeed be a right proper bitch. Thank you for the suggestions. I will give them a try.

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  5. wisewebwomanJune 6, 2011 at 5:01 PM

    We are in the same boat as you know, BG. I just know it will pass. The devil is we don't know when. I forced myself into making soup today and a neighbour dropped by with some rhubarb roots (what something else for me to do, damn!)and nearly sent me over the age wanting to do it NOW. I knew if I said I was down she would insist on 'cheering' me with unplanned plantings. Possibly sending me over the edge.
    Making the soup helped. A little.
    I hope you're doing a little better.
    XO
    WWW

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  6. BayGirlJune 12, 2011 at 11:17 PM

    Thank you, WWW. Well meaning friends and neighbours can be such a pill when you aren't in a receptive kind of mood. I'm glad the soup helped a little. I am finally doing better. I hope you are, too.

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