I am currently back in town. It's so good to be in my own space again, even though I have no idea how long I'll be here or what the game plan is at this point. I've spent a very lazy day, absently and periodically picking away at the things I have to unpack (there are a lot of them). I figured I would take a few minutes to update the good ole blog, though, for a change of pace. So, here's a little of the good, the bad, and the ugly...I'm really not sure what falls into which category at this point, but I'm sure it all fits somehow.
On the work front:
I have been continuing to apply for positions for the fall. It is a slow and frustrating process, as I have to wait for everyone else and their dog to be placed before I get a look in, due to my relative newness in the work force back here on the island. It also acts as a bit of a stumbling block/hold up in regard to putting anything else into place for myself. But I have been looking at other short term and long term possibilities and trying to determine what might suffice as viable alternatives for the time being. We shall see what becomes of it all in due time I suppose. Sigh. I hate waiting.
On the personal life front:
Still no dating, and still fine with it. I got hit on a couple of times downtown the last time I went (I can sum up my thoughts on that fairly easily and concisely: ew) and I've been getting messages from a diverse batch of potential suitors online, ranging in age from 22 to 50 years old. Interesting. Yet not. Some of them I would never in a million years be interested in. Others seem nice...decent, smart, entertaining, whatever...but I'm still not really into it. I respond half-heartedly if at all. Which makes me wonder, again, why I ever bothered to open another account. I've been considering closing it since I opened it, to be honest. Boredom, I suppose. I did a double take at the 22 year old's picture, though...he sort of resembles The Cheating Bastard. Funny.
After a lot of soul searching and having The Labradorian on the brain recently (which is obviously evident from the last few posts), I took some time in the wee hours of the morning and composed a very rawly honest email to him. It was lengthy and it was difficult and scary to send. But my gut insisted on it.
His response, when it came, was brief but comforting. He simply acknowledged the difficulty of expressing one's emotions, said he respected me for expressing mine, claimed to agree with everything I said, and cast his vote for the option that we continue talking in a friendship capacity for now and hopefully one day have the opportunity to meet and answer some questions together. And that sounds good to me. I like the idea of having the lines of communication re-opened. It feels good to talk to him. I guess we'll see how that goes. I'll just take it for what it is and assume he was being honest and genuine as well.
In the meantime, there's always the chance that real life will intervene and put someone of interest in my path. Maybe. Eventually. Perhaps. I'm going out tomorrow night and I have a wedding to attend in a couple of weeks. Who knows...
On a totally different note:
I was reading over previous blog posts earlier. Weird how things take a different shape and tone sometimes when you look back on them. You remember the frame of mind you were in when they occurred, but it's no longer relevant in most cases. Things are perceived differently in hindsight. I guess that's how times does it's healing trick. The bleeding obvious, I know.
Oh, and I don't think I ever mentioned - the last 26 year old that I thought was a good guy? He actually sent me a late night text a few weeks ago. If that wasn't the tentative lead up to a booty call, I don't know what is. So it was alright to have my initial reaction to him validated (when I thought I overreacted and scared him off? Turns out my instincts were correct if that was any indication). Anyway, I didn't respond and I won't. I will not tolerate that kind of treatment...especially from someone I had already forgotten about. However, pat on the back for me: I recognized it, I reacted, and (despite a moment of doubt in the initial aftermath) I was later rewarded with further proof that the cloud of innocence and naivete through which I viewed the world for most of my life has dissipated more...I've definitely had my eyes opened and have learned, grown, developed confidence, matured, and gotten wiser and stronger...which I already knew, but nice to have another reminder nonetheless.