It's amazing how a mood can change in mere seconds. I have managed to go from drowning in frustration induced blues mired in indecision to a sort of cautious, optimistic anticipation. I am still not past the dreaded murky waters, but I am approaching a precipice and am attempting to work up the nerve to take a life altering plunge (in more ways than one). I have a feeling 2010 will shape up to be a big year for me, even if it does get off to a slow start. After all these static months spent analyzing, wondering, and trying to sort out what feels like a myriad of convoluted decisions that need to be made, something's got to give.
I am reminded of a conversation I had with a friend back in the fall. She pointed out that part of my problem may be that I had a life plan in my mind and I am panicking because that plan isn't working out the way I had hoped. So I am working on editing that plan, discarding some baggage, and minimizing the pressures I have placed on myself over the years in the process. It has taken a few months to convince myself that it is not a matter of life and death if I don't meet all the goals and deadlines I set for myself. Perhaps it is silly to even imagine that life would unfold that way just because I envisioned it and tried to work towards it....which just triggered another conversation I had with some different friends of mine while I was home this past summer. You just can't plan certain things. Sometimes the unexpected lands in your lap and you have to follow where it takes you and see where it leads. I am trying not to think about the alternative - that I will be one of those people who endures a boring existance and never finds the right direction to get where they want to go....
I know I will be ok no matter which path I choose (although the outcomes may be different). It's just a matter of taking that first step...
Any good vibes sent this way would be greatly appreciated. Meanwhile, I will be crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Wish me luck!
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